Aa
Very very personal....
I am very very embarrassed by this and ashamed, but I think this is a good thing to get off my chest.
I've been struggling with anxiety now sense last October. Came out of nowhere...
I keep trying to blame things for it while I'm taking anti-depressants... and telling myself after I feel better it won't come back... and continue my daily routines.
I've been doing some research, spiritually...
For as long as I can remember, as a man, I've always loved sex! What man doesn't love sex?
I've been married for 3 years now, and my wife and I started out having a very great sex life.
Very intimate... very active...
After we got married, the sex life was still great.. but then we had a child, and the sex kind of went down hill.
Well, for as long as I can remember, even before my wife and I got married, I looked at pornography a lot on the internet. (Just basic, nothing illegal. lol.)
I've also continued this throughout our marriage. I'm not saying I'm an ADDICT by all means.
And it's a big secret. I've never told my wife this.
But sense our love life is completely gone, I mean, we do not have sex at all!!!
I understand b/c my wife is tired a lot, and we have 1 year old child together, but shouldn't she still want to have sex? She doesn't!
Our marriage, now that I think about it, is not the best! We love each other! So much! But we don't show it in a healthy way. Even when we are nice to each other, we call each other mean things... and say demeaning things, jokingly,... but now that I think about it... this is not good... this is destructive I think.
Well, I've been noticing that I probably look at pornography 4 hours per week on average. THAT'S ALOT! And it's only when my wife and kid are gone of course. And it's b/c it's a quick fix... b/c my wife and I do not have sex.
I know sex is important in a marriage. It's a beautiful thing... but looking at pornography is just as bad as a drug I'm discovering!
My wife is out of town, and I called her tonight... and told her that I want our family to be on the RIGHT PATH. I told her how much I love her... and how much I lust for her.. and how I feel SO BAD that I lust for her... and I dont want to lust for her! I want to love her! I don't want us to call each other bad demeaning things... I told her that I want to be the Spiritual leader in the family. It's my duty. God is missing. God needs to be in our home, and in our hearts!
I was reading some scripture... and Satan LIES! Pornography... and lust.. are quick fixes... and can cause psychological damage!
Maybe this is a piece to my anxiety puzzle?
I'm going to ask God tonight to forgive me for all of my sins... and I just want to welcome him into my heart.
I want to follow in his footprints.
I know if we all follow God, he will give us peace. He wants us to have this PEACE! And no worries! And NO ANXIETIES!
I am a Christian, but I have fallen off the dark path to destruction I feel. Satan wants me to have anxiety.
And my anxiety always sits in my stomach... a worryful stomach.... maybe this feeling is guilt? fear?
Thank you all for listening...
Getting this off my chest... feels GREAT!
I've got a new life coming! =)
I've been struggling with anxiety now sense last October. Came out of nowhere...
I keep trying to blame things for it while I'm taking anti-depressants... and telling myself after I feel better it won't come back... and continue my daily routines.
I've been doing some research, spiritually...
For as long as I can remember, as a man, I've always loved sex! What man doesn't love sex?
I've been married for 3 years now, and my wife and I started out having a very great sex life.
Very intimate... very active...
After we got married, the sex life was still great.. but then we had a child, and the sex kind of went down hill.
Well, for as long as I can remember, even before my wife and I got married, I looked at pornography a lot on the internet. (Just basic, nothing illegal. lol.)
I've also continued this throughout our marriage. I'm not saying I'm an ADDICT by all means.
And it's a big secret. I've never told my wife this.
But sense our love life is completely gone, I mean, we do not have sex at all!!!
I understand b/c my wife is tired a lot, and we have 1 year old child together, but shouldn't she still want to have sex? She doesn't!
Our marriage, now that I think about it, is not the best! We love each other! So much! But we don't show it in a healthy way. Even when we are nice to each other, we call each other mean things... and say demeaning things, jokingly,... but now that I think about it... this is not good... this is destructive I think.
Well, I've been noticing that I probably look at pornography 4 hours per week on average. THAT'S ALOT! And it's only when my wife and kid are gone of course. And it's b/c it's a quick fix... b/c my wife and I do not have sex.
I know sex is important in a marriage. It's a beautiful thing... but looking at pornography is just as bad as a drug I'm discovering!
My wife is out of town, and I called her tonight... and told her that I want our family to be on the RIGHT PATH. I told her how much I love her... and how much I lust for her.. and how I feel SO BAD that I lust for her... and I dont want to lust for her! I want to love her! I don't want us to call each other bad demeaning things... I told her that I want to be the Spiritual leader in the family. It's my duty. God is missing. God needs to be in our home, and in our hearts!
I was reading some scripture... and Satan LIES! Pornography... and lust.. are quick fixes... and can cause psychological damage!
Maybe this is a piece to my anxiety puzzle?
I'm going to ask God tonight to forgive me for all of my sins... and I just want to welcome him into my heart.
I want to follow in his footprints.
I know if we all follow God, he will give us peace. He wants us to have this PEACE! And no worries! And NO ANXIETIES!
I am a Christian, but I have fallen off the dark path to destruction I feel. Satan wants me to have anxiety.
And my anxiety always sits in my stomach... a worryful stomach.... maybe this feeling is guilt? fear?
Thank you all for listening...
Getting this off my chest... feels GREAT!
I've got a new life coming! =)
You said, "I do a pretty damn good job of freaking myself out". Do you mind if I borrow that line? I suffer from depression and anxiety and what you wrote should be written on the front of a T shirt.
Your dr sounds like a wise man.
Enjoy your spiritual walk = )
Till the Man Comes Around ....
Your dr sounds like a wise man.
Enjoy your spiritual walk = )
Till the Man Comes Around ....
25 years old...with a new baby...no wonder you have anxiety! He!!, I am 36, married for 10 yrs with two kids, 10 and 2....and we STILL haven't totally settled into our marriage. We have a long way to go before we really get thins working the way they should be for us.
Marriage is a life long learning experience...and it certainly is not easy!
Marriage is a life long learning experience...and it certainly is not easy!
To add to all this. I just wanted everyone to know, that you do not know my REAL LIFE.
I do in fact have a GREAT MARRIAGE. My wife and I are only 25 years old, and we are still learning a lot. Her and I love eachother with all of our hearts. She tells me that all the time. We do enjoy eachothers company, there is no other person I'd rather spend time with than her.
Our main issue, and the Dr. knows about this, is that we do not have a sex life.
And maybe it is post partum? But my Dr. doesnt seem to think so. He said she is just playing the "mommy" role right now, and may not be comfortable having sex yet? A lot of 1st time moms get like this.
My wife wants to please me in that way, it's just hard for her. And she does feel bad.
We have seen a counselor together, and he thinks we are doing great. He's more concerned with my anxiety than anything though.
My psychologist says "I do a pretty damn good job of freaking myself out, and am searching too deep for my anxiety triggers.... etc."
I have ANXIETY. And when I'm having a bad spell like I was a couple of nights ago when I posted this thread, I was thinking of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that could be the TRIGGER.
And what made me think of that, was that my buddy at work was telling me he used to look at porn a lot and he said it can be bad on the mind and a lot of people can become addicted...
Of course I was having a panic episode this day, and I thought "omg! what if that is the root cause?!"
Now I'm feeling better. And I'm looking back and seeing how irrational that was.
Yes, porn may not be bad to some of you, porn may not be good to some of you...
For me, it's a personal option. I'm not going to view porn again! And I'm going to get back on my spiritual walk with God.
That's it. =)
I do in fact have a GREAT MARRIAGE. My wife and I are only 25 years old, and we are still learning a lot. Her and I love eachother with all of our hearts. She tells me that all the time. We do enjoy eachothers company, there is no other person I'd rather spend time with than her.
Our main issue, and the Dr. knows about this, is that we do not have a sex life.
And maybe it is post partum? But my Dr. doesnt seem to think so. He said she is just playing the "mommy" role right now, and may not be comfortable having sex yet? A lot of 1st time moms get like this.
My wife wants to please me in that way, it's just hard for her. And she does feel bad.
We have seen a counselor together, and he thinks we are doing great. He's more concerned with my anxiety than anything though.
My psychologist says "I do a pretty damn good job of freaking myself out, and am searching too deep for my anxiety triggers.... etc."
I have ANXIETY. And when I'm having a bad spell like I was a couple of nights ago when I posted this thread, I was thinking of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that could be the TRIGGER.
And what made me think of that, was that my buddy at work was telling me he used to look at porn a lot and he said it can be bad on the mind and a lot of people can become addicted...
Of course I was having a panic episode this day, and I thought "omg! what if that is the root cause?!"
Now I'm feeling better. And I'm looking back and seeing how irrational that was.
Yes, porn may not be bad to some of you, porn may not be good to some of you...
For me, it's a personal option. I'm not going to view porn again! And I'm going to get back on my spiritual walk with God.
That's it. =)
LOL......Nursegirl Rocks...you're funny.
And, yes, I DO think it is wonderful that you are finding faith and evaluating your life! Certainly if this activity was causing you guilt.....right or wrong...you recognized that it was time to ditch it.
And yes...us anxious people are SOOOO impressionable (which is why labels worry me).
"You say I am a sex addict huh? Must be true!!! OMG!!!!"
"You say I'm a purple elephant??? Must be true!!!! OMG!!!!"
Our minds are NOT nice to us.....period. ;0)
And, yes, I DO think it is wonderful that you are finding faith and evaluating your life! Certainly if this activity was causing you guilt.....right or wrong...you recognized that it was time to ditch it.
And yes...us anxious people are SOOOO impressionable (which is why labels worry me).
"You say I am a sex addict huh? Must be true!!! OMG!!!!"
"You say I'm a purple elephant??? Must be true!!!! OMG!!!!"
Our minds are NOT nice to us.....period. ;0)
hahaha. I'm not a sex addict BY FAR! LOL.
And I have not searched porn or anything in 5 days.
When I read my 1st post, I noticed I put "I probably view it 4 hours a week"...
I started laughing... it's probably more like "1 hour" per week.
30min one day 30min a nother day out of the entire week.
And it's not even every week!
It's just been latley since my wife has been out of town.
The point is, I HAVE BAD ANXIETY!
And I am soul searching... trying to get to the root of it.
Trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
I thought looking at porn here and there could be a piece of the anxiety puzzle.
I am in fact NOT and ADDICT! LOL.
I CAN GO WITHOUT IT!
I HAVE GONE WITHOUT IT! LOL.
It does not interfear with my job, marriage, or life in general.
So please quit saying I'm a SEX ADDICT, b/c you have to remember I have anxiety, and people like me start thinking "Am I A Sex Addict?".
I find it quite comical to be quite honest. lol. B/c I as a person with anxiety, know I am not an addict.
Anyways, people should be looking at the fact that I'm turning back on the right path with God. I'm a Christian, struggling just like everyone out there. I'm getting my life right with God, and getting my life right with my wife.
What's so wrong with that? Even if the occasional porn viewing wasnt the cause of any of my anxiety... isnt it still a good thing that I'm giving this "guilty pleasure" up? And getting on a right path in my life?
I'm a pretty young dude. I think I can say for myself... I'm gonna be alright. =)
NurseGirl here knows me probably more than a lot of you, and she's probably laughing at my 1st post, b/c she know's I'm just a BAD anxiety sufferer and I'm trying to pinpoint anything in my life that could be the trigger... when in fact there may be NO trigger to my anxiety.. it strictly may be a chemical imbalance in my brain.
NurseGirl Rocks. =)
And I have not searched porn or anything in 5 days.
When I read my 1st post, I noticed I put "I probably view it 4 hours a week"...
I started laughing... it's probably more like "1 hour" per week.
30min one day 30min a nother day out of the entire week.
And it's not even every week!
It's just been latley since my wife has been out of town.
The point is, I HAVE BAD ANXIETY!
And I am soul searching... trying to get to the root of it.
Trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
I thought looking at porn here and there could be a piece of the anxiety puzzle.
I am in fact NOT and ADDICT! LOL.
I CAN GO WITHOUT IT!
I HAVE GONE WITHOUT IT! LOL.
It does not interfear with my job, marriage, or life in general.
So please quit saying I'm a SEX ADDICT, b/c you have to remember I have anxiety, and people like me start thinking "Am I A Sex Addict?".
I find it quite comical to be quite honest. lol. B/c I as a person with anxiety, know I am not an addict.
Anyways, people should be looking at the fact that I'm turning back on the right path with God. I'm a Christian, struggling just like everyone out there. I'm getting my life right with God, and getting my life right with my wife.
What's so wrong with that? Even if the occasional porn viewing wasnt the cause of any of my anxiety... isnt it still a good thing that I'm giving this "guilty pleasure" up? And getting on a right path in my life?
I'm a pretty young dude. I think I can say for myself... I'm gonna be alright. =)
NurseGirl here knows me probably more than a lot of you, and she's probably laughing at my 1st post, b/c she know's I'm just a BAD anxiety sufferer and I'm trying to pinpoint anything in my life that could be the trigger... when in fact there may be NO trigger to my anxiety.. it strictly may be a chemical imbalance in my brain.
NurseGirl Rocks. =)
I just wanted to post the official definition of a "sexual addiction" here.
And, hitman...I'm not posting this for you...just in general....for info purposes.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”
The other thing I KNOW is usually considered is how much the "addiction" has affected the person's life...have jobs been lost? Relationships? We're talking about an anxious guy in a sexless marriage in my opinion.
And, hitman...I'm not posting this for you...just in general....for info purposes.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”
The other thing I KNOW is usually considered is how much the "addiction" has affected the person's life...have jobs been lost? Relationships? We're talking about an anxious guy in a sexless marriage in my opinion.
Satan has other things to think about than you watching porn.
{{{{{wolfie}}}}}
I was sooo thinking the same thing...lol. However...I DO respect that for a lot of people pronography IS going against their religious beliefs, etc. I just was thinking the exact same thing as you...funny!
BUG HUGS!!!!
{{{{{wolfie}}}}}
I was sooo thinking the same thing...lol. However...I DO respect that for a lot of people pronography IS going against their religious beliefs, etc. I just was thinking the exact same thing as you...funny!
BUG HUGS!!!!
liberal bs??? What is so funny about that is I couldn't be more of a conservative in most aspects if I tried...lol....but I hold a unique opinion on different topics based on how *I* feel about them...not based on what my views "should" be.
Come on now...I was simply trying to pint out that often it is common to try and find that "source" of anxiety.....and I just didn't want to see c-note confuse himself even more. He has said he is giving it up....and I think it is great that he feels a change is needed, and is going to make it. Just like the "bully" example...I'm telling you...soul searching is common...but an anxious person treads on shaky ground in doing it, b/c damn near EVERYTHING makes an anxious person feel guilty.
A sex addict??? I'm sorry....but there is an official definition for a sex addict, and he doesn't meet it. Let's not get carried away here. The man looked at a little porn here and there. You want to throw names around b/c you didn't care for what I said...hey...have at it...but you also need to look at what YOU are posting. A "sex addict" is defined by very specific characteristics, I urge you to research that...or if you have a p-doc....ask him/her to explain it...and if it involves more than surfing porn. I'm being serious...not snarky at all. It concerns me when people throw labels around without having knowledge of them.
I don't knock anyone's opinion...I wouldn't call your thoughts "bs" as you've done mine....but what I WOULD hope you (and other people) do is realize that they are addressing a very frightened and confused person who is struggling to work through this anxiety....we really do need to be careful not to scare the *bleep* out of him by labeling him and getting carried away....b/c you happen to not agree with MY viewpoint.
Come on now...I was simply trying to pint out that often it is common to try and find that "source" of anxiety.....and I just didn't want to see c-note confuse himself even more. He has said he is giving it up....and I think it is great that he feels a change is needed, and is going to make it. Just like the "bully" example...I'm telling you...soul searching is common...but an anxious person treads on shaky ground in doing it, b/c damn near EVERYTHING makes an anxious person feel guilty.
A sex addict??? I'm sorry....but there is an official definition for a sex addict, and he doesn't meet it. Let's not get carried away here. The man looked at a little porn here and there. You want to throw names around b/c you didn't care for what I said...hey...have at it...but you also need to look at what YOU are posting. A "sex addict" is defined by very specific characteristics, I urge you to research that...or if you have a p-doc....ask him/her to explain it...and if it involves more than surfing porn. I'm being serious...not snarky at all. It concerns me when people throw labels around without having knowledge of them.
I don't knock anyone's opinion...I wouldn't call your thoughts "bs" as you've done mine....but what I WOULD hope you (and other people) do is realize that they are addressing a very frightened and confused person who is struggling to work through this anxiety....we really do need to be careful not to scare the *bleep* out of him by labeling him and getting carried away....b/c you happen to not agree with MY viewpoint.
I don't know if this will be helpful or not. When I am deprived of something I really like and enjoy - like ice cream - I want it all the more.
I agree that you and your wife should go for counselling. She might still be experiencing post partum depression, even one year after your child was born. Nursegirl would know more about that than I do but it can really effect a woman's sex drive if she is depressed.
Elvis stopped having sex with his wife after their daughter was born and look what happened to him = P
Sex and sexuality are "natural" but we live in a society in which there are a lot of taboos against it. There is an explanation for these taboos but I'm sure you don't want to hear a lecture from a nerd. IMHO counselling would benefit both you and your wife as well as your child.
Satan has other things to think about than you watching porn.
I am curious as to why hitman thinks you're an addict - curious, not judgemental.
I agree that you and your wife should go for counselling. She might still be experiencing post partum depression, even one year after your child was born. Nursegirl would know more about that than I do but it can really effect a woman's sex drive if she is depressed.
Elvis stopped having sex with his wife after their daughter was born and look what happened to him = P
Sex and sexuality are "natural" but we live in a society in which there are a lot of taboos against it. There is an explanation for these taboos but I'm sure you don't want to hear a lecture from a nerd. IMHO counselling would benefit both you and your wife as well as your child.
Satan has other things to think about than you watching porn.
I am curious as to why hitman thinks you're an addict - curious, not judgemental.
Dude,
On one hand you give this heavy fundamentalist Christian rap about how Satan is destroying your marriage, and you are real good at expounding the Christian rhetoric, and then on the other hand you agree with nursegirl and her liberal bs. The problem with you my friend is that you have no idea where you are spiritually, and you try to play the game without any rules. You have sacrificed your character to internet pornography. Sexual addiction is progressive, powerful, cunning and baffling,
Look, if you feel bad about pornography, and what it is doing to your marriage, then it is affecting your marriage. It is covert cheating. You are substituting it for the love of your wife. You cannot honor your wife while watching Jenna Jameson. I don't think it is a Christian thing, it is about integrity. Also, I don't think you are being totally honest about how much time, you spend thinking, looking at pornography and avoiding intimacy ( not just sex with your wife)
Buddy, I think you are a sex addict....Get to a twelve step meeting, let go of all the Christian rhetoric, and stop letting the liberal Kum Ba Ya folks speak for you or the born again hypocrits. Man up to creating your own personal integrity. You are walking on dangerous territory, and your marriage could be destroyed if you do NOT take responsibility over your addiction.
On one hand you give this heavy fundamentalist Christian rap about how Satan is destroying your marriage, and you are real good at expounding the Christian rhetoric, and then on the other hand you agree with nursegirl and her liberal bs. The problem with you my friend is that you have no idea where you are spiritually, and you try to play the game without any rules. You have sacrificed your character to internet pornography. Sexual addiction is progressive, powerful, cunning and baffling,
Look, if you feel bad about pornography, and what it is doing to your marriage, then it is affecting your marriage. It is covert cheating. You are substituting it for the love of your wife. You cannot honor your wife while watching Jenna Jameson. I don't think it is a Christian thing, it is about integrity. Also, I don't think you are being totally honest about how much time, you spend thinking, looking at pornography and avoiding intimacy ( not just sex with your wife)
Buddy, I think you are a sex addict....Get to a twelve step meeting, let go of all the Christian rhetoric, and stop letting the liberal Kum Ba Ya folks speak for you or the born again hypocrits. Man up to creating your own personal integrity. You are walking on dangerous territory, and your marriage could be destroyed if you do NOT take responsibility over your addiction.
I think giving up the porn is the best thing that you could do, and yes it is Satan working on you. I applaud you for all you said, it sounds like you really love your wife. I think you just need to sit down and have a good long talk, maybe she is depressed, having a baby can do terrible things to hormones. I had depression issues after my first child, I felt ungly, fat, I started resenting my husband, feeling like I did everything, feeling like I was a bad mom, you name it, it was awful, and sex was the last thing on my mind. We have worked through it all and we are going strong.. It does sound like satan has been working on you, he wants you to feel bad, to feel guilty, to turn to things that you know are wrong in your heart, just go to your wife and tell her how you feel and ask her about her feelings as well. Many prayers to you.
NO thanks needed. :0) Glad I could help in some way really.
If YOU are a pervert...then so is just about every other person out there.
Well, 'cept me....I'm pure as the driven snow. :0) Ivory soap-like.
Yep...uh-huh, you betcha.
If YOU are a pervert...then so is just about every other person out there.
Well, 'cept me....I'm pure as the driven snow. :0) Ivory soap-like.
Yep...uh-huh, you betcha.
Thanks Nursegirl6572! Thanks for ALWAYS listening! You are always willing to talk to me with is AWESOME!
And thanks for not making me feel like a pervert. lol. =P
And thanks for not making me feel like a pervert. lol. =P
Sounds like that all makes sense. Good for you...and I hope that refraining from that will help your anxiety some. Also, since you recognize that your wife would be upset, it is thoughtful of you to think about that.
i just hope you have an active imagination. (wink wink)
:0)
Keep on keeping on....
i just hope you have an active imagination. (wink wink)
:0)
Keep on keeping on....
Wow! Thanks everyone for writing!
Let me start out by saying that I think NurseGirl6572 is correct, I am soul searching for a reason for my anxiety. And that happened to be something I thought about... looking at the occasional porn.
I think the main key here is, is that I need to talk to my wife about our sex life... and work on our relationship in that matter. Not make sex #1, but let sex have its place in our relationship. It is HEALTHY. And the only reason why I have looked at porn is b/c I DO HAVE NEEDS! I'm a man! I'm a visual creature! Who get's turned on by visual things. Why does my wife not like to have sex? I dunno. She says it's b/c she's tired... and she can't get turned on... this *****.
Would I cheat on my wife? NO WAY! Would I rather be with that porn star? NO WAY!
I love her SO much!
Is it an outlet for that "urge" I have? YES!
But, I still think that pornography can damage. And I'm going to stop looking at it.
I think I will find more beauty in my wife... and in general.
And If my wife knew I looked at this, she would be VERY upset. I just know it.
I can't blame her. And I don't want my 1 year old daughter being brought up in a home with pornography...
I know I'm a man... but I just can't look at it anymore. It does make me anxious when I do look at it.
Do I think it's the ROOT of my ANXIETY? NO!
But, it could be a piece of my anxiety puzzle.
Thank you all for responding! =)
Let me start out by saying that I think NurseGirl6572 is correct, I am soul searching for a reason for my anxiety. And that happened to be something I thought about... looking at the occasional porn.
I think the main key here is, is that I need to talk to my wife about our sex life... and work on our relationship in that matter. Not make sex #1, but let sex have its place in our relationship. It is HEALTHY. And the only reason why I have looked at porn is b/c I DO HAVE NEEDS! I'm a man! I'm a visual creature! Who get's turned on by visual things. Why does my wife not like to have sex? I dunno. She says it's b/c she's tired... and she can't get turned on... this *****.
Would I cheat on my wife? NO WAY! Would I rather be with that porn star? NO WAY!
I love her SO much!
Is it an outlet for that "urge" I have? YES!
But, I still think that pornography can damage. And I'm going to stop looking at it.
I think I will find more beauty in my wife... and in general.
And If my wife knew I looked at this, she would be VERY upset. I just know it.
I can't blame her. And I don't want my 1 year old daughter being brought up in a home with pornography...
I know I'm a man... but I just can't look at it anymore. It does make me anxious when I do look at it.
Do I think it's the ROOT of my ANXIETY? NO!
But, it could be a piece of my anxiety puzzle.
Thank you all for responding! =)
I disagree that partaking in occasional porn viewing (with the exception of the obvious pedophilia stuff, etc) is something to ashamed of. Of course one is going to do it in privacy....while some couples wouldn't have a problem with their partner viewing, and even self pleasuring to porn...I think you be hard pressed to find people that do it out in the open....it IS a private thing.
To share briefly...I know for a fact that my hubby surfs for porn occasionally....b/c we actually joke about it. In a way...our marriage is similar in that our sex life leaves a lot to be desired. My hubby has the sexual appetite of an 18 yr old, and often times *I* have the sexual appetite of a 109 yr old (no offense to 109 yr olds out there...lol). The man has needs. *I* am not meeting them a lot of times. Even still...a playboy, or an internet site is STILL not a substitue for the real thing. And mostly, in MY situation...it is MY fault. I have gained a decent amount of weight since we met, and am often self conscious. He desires me regardless of any of that...and says so...so I'm pretty lucky. But again...it is on ME, and I need to work through that....he has reassured me and loved me as much as he can...now the ball is in my court (no pun intended..lol). Do I think that he would rather be with one of those air-brushed porn stars than me? I actually do NOT feel that way. I'm sure he has his fantasies...but everyone does....even *I* do.
There are always going to be a wide range of opinions on the subject....and I totally respect that. Just as I have no issue with pornography, there are others who despise the thought of it. Again, I'm talking occasionally...not people that have an addiction problem with it, where they are losing jobs, etc...as a result of basically doing nothing else.
Even if a couple has a healthy sex life (which is the opposite in c-note's case)...I still don't see it as unhealthy, or "wrong", etc. Now, if c-note has not had relations with his wife in a long time....he has physical needs. Other than just using his own imagination (which, in essence, becomes the same issue)....a visual aid is just that...a fantasy. It it NO way means that he would prefer to have a porn star as his partner rather than his wife...or that his wife isn't good enough. If a woman feels that way...I think a lot of that lies with her....and self esteem. Not to say that the partner has no responsibility to reassure her that that isn't the case....but you know what I mean?
I think this WHOLE thing personally...is boiling down to the fact that c-note is SO desperately trying to find the "reason" for his anxiety...in the hopes that basically...when he has an epiphany...the anxiety poofs. Someone suffering with new anxiety does a LOT of soul searching...b/c to have a panic attack "out of the blue" is scary as heck...and we WANT a reason, so that we don't feel crazy.
I absolutely positively think, c-note...that you and your wife need professional help...without a doubt. Because a sexless marriage just is not healthy. There is obviously a reason that she is uncomfortable being intimate. I think you need to sit her down.....with a bunch of flowers...tell her how much you love her, how much you find her attractive...and how important it is to you to be "close" to her in an intimate way. At the same time...reassure her that in no way are you pressuring her...but that you are worried about her, and your relationship...that what you two have together could be better....that you want to feel closer to her. See how she reacts. See if perhaps she is willing to get some help. I have no doubt that you will approach her with kindess, love and patience....but it is really something that needs addressed.
As for the porn...if you TRULY feel in your heart of hearts that you are doing something "evil"...then by all means, seek help for it...or just cease the behavior. Personally....I see nothing wrong with you having a sexual outlet...it is not harming your wife/marriage in any way (ie you are not replacing one for the other)...and if you feel she just wouldn't understand....don't tell her. I don't condone lying, or withholding stuff...but I also don't think that the situation as you have outlined it requires some big dramatic "confession" to her either.
I sincerely hope you guys can work through your issues...and again...generally speaking to everyone...I respect that there are a LOT of varying opinions on the subject. I'm just sharing MINE in the hopes that if, indeed...c-note is soul searching for that "thing" that caused his anxiety....to hopefully get him to think about it some more...and realize that anxious people have a very fragile state of mind....and are VERY laden with guilt about a lot of innocuous things. If it weren't that...it would be something else.
All of a sudden c-nite would remember a horrible incident from his childhood....where in 3rd grade, he ruthlessly bullied a weak classmate...and he will be convinced that THAT incident is causing him great inner turmoil...and that he simply MUST find this person and make immediate ammends....while admitting to everyone what a horrible mean bully he is. Hopefully that example makes sense.
"Soul searching" is never a "bad" thing...but we impressive, suggestive anxious people MUST be careful when doing it...b/c all of a sudden...that molehill becomes a mountain. THAT is my main point.
Good luck to you, c.
To share briefly...I know for a fact that my hubby surfs for porn occasionally....b/c we actually joke about it. In a way...our marriage is similar in that our sex life leaves a lot to be desired. My hubby has the sexual appetite of an 18 yr old, and often times *I* have the sexual appetite of a 109 yr old (no offense to 109 yr olds out there...lol). The man has needs. *I* am not meeting them a lot of times. Even still...a playboy, or an internet site is STILL not a substitue for the real thing. And mostly, in MY situation...it is MY fault. I have gained a decent amount of weight since we met, and am often self conscious. He desires me regardless of any of that...and says so...so I'm pretty lucky. But again...it is on ME, and I need to work through that....he has reassured me and loved me as much as he can...now the ball is in my court (no pun intended..lol). Do I think that he would rather be with one of those air-brushed porn stars than me? I actually do NOT feel that way. I'm sure he has his fantasies...but everyone does....even *I* do.
There are always going to be a wide range of opinions on the subject....and I totally respect that. Just as I have no issue with pornography, there are others who despise the thought of it. Again, I'm talking occasionally...not people that have an addiction problem with it, where they are losing jobs, etc...as a result of basically doing nothing else.
Even if a couple has a healthy sex life (which is the opposite in c-note's case)...I still don't see it as unhealthy, or "wrong", etc. Now, if c-note has not had relations with his wife in a long time....he has physical needs. Other than just using his own imagination (which, in essence, becomes the same issue)....a visual aid is just that...a fantasy. It it NO way means that he would prefer to have a porn star as his partner rather than his wife...or that his wife isn't good enough. If a woman feels that way...I think a lot of that lies with her....and self esteem. Not to say that the partner has no responsibility to reassure her that that isn't the case....but you know what I mean?
I think this WHOLE thing personally...is boiling down to the fact that c-note is SO desperately trying to find the "reason" for his anxiety...in the hopes that basically...when he has an epiphany...the anxiety poofs. Someone suffering with new anxiety does a LOT of soul searching...b/c to have a panic attack "out of the blue" is scary as heck...and we WANT a reason, so that we don't feel crazy.
I absolutely positively think, c-note...that you and your wife need professional help...without a doubt. Because a sexless marriage just is not healthy. There is obviously a reason that she is uncomfortable being intimate. I think you need to sit her down.....with a bunch of flowers...tell her how much you love her, how much you find her attractive...and how important it is to you to be "close" to her in an intimate way. At the same time...reassure her that in no way are you pressuring her...but that you are worried about her, and your relationship...that what you two have together could be better....that you want to feel closer to her. See how she reacts. See if perhaps she is willing to get some help. I have no doubt that you will approach her with kindess, love and patience....but it is really something that needs addressed.
As for the porn...if you TRULY feel in your heart of hearts that you are doing something "evil"...then by all means, seek help for it...or just cease the behavior. Personally....I see nothing wrong with you having a sexual outlet...it is not harming your wife/marriage in any way (ie you are not replacing one for the other)...and if you feel she just wouldn't understand....don't tell her. I don't condone lying, or withholding stuff...but I also don't think that the situation as you have outlined it requires some big dramatic "confession" to her either.
I sincerely hope you guys can work through your issues...and again...generally speaking to everyone...I respect that there are a LOT of varying opinions on the subject. I'm just sharing MINE in the hopes that if, indeed...c-note is soul searching for that "thing" that caused his anxiety....to hopefully get him to think about it some more...and realize that anxious people have a very fragile state of mind....and are VERY laden with guilt about a lot of innocuous things. If it weren't that...it would be something else.
All of a sudden c-nite would remember a horrible incident from his childhood....where in 3rd grade, he ruthlessly bullied a weak classmate...and he will be convinced that THAT incident is causing him great inner turmoil...and that he simply MUST find this person and make immediate ammends....while admitting to everyone what a horrible mean bully he is. Hopefully that example makes sense.
"Soul searching" is never a "bad" thing...but we impressive, suggestive anxious people MUST be careful when doing it...b/c all of a sudden...that molehill becomes a mountain. THAT is my main point.
Good luck to you, c.
Personally, if my hubby watched porno, I would feel like I wasnt good enough. What do those girls got that I dont?and why cant you do that with me instead?Your wife might be differnt. I feel like sex is personal and something very special between two people that love and care about each other, not just random people getting it on behind the camera to make money, some of them look like freaky overly-sexual beings that do it for the world to see, and if thats what you wanna do so be it!! On the other hand, if its something you two are both comfortable with, then cool, but if it really puts a strain on the relationship, or you feel like you have to "hide" it by doing it when she's out of the house, I think thats unhealthy. Overall, if it makes you feel guilty all together dont do it, pray to God to get you out of this bad habit that you are feeling guilty about. It sounds like you really love your wife and want a good relationship with her, so do the right thing, conftont God, and communicate with your wife.
I made it sound like a BAD thing but whatever floats your boat, I have no shame in anyones game. On the other hand, if it's something your feeling guilty about, whatever the issue ....do something about it to change it- God is a GREAT start.
I made it sound like a BAD thing but whatever floats your boat, I have no shame in anyones game. On the other hand, if it's something your feeling guilty about, whatever the issue ....do something about it to change it- God is a GREAT start.
hi me and my hubby have been goin through this, only its the other way round im highly sexed hes under work stresses etc, i believe sex is very healthy and needed in a marriage i used to get so frustrated and angry cause he couldn be bothered (which didn help the anxiety) anyway after months of this i sat him down and told him i was unhappy and was considering leaving the marriage (dont get me wrong we too love each other so much) but to me sex was very important anyway after the chat i had with him things have got loads better we tend to put time aside now and made a pact that no matter how tired/stressed etc we have to "do it" lol.
maybe you should tell your wife about your needs, you don have to mention the porn if you dont want to and i agree there is nothing wrong with porn so long as it doesn make you want more than you actually got!!!! i know it can be embarrasing but maybe if you both watched it, it can spice things up good luck!!!!!!!
maybe you should tell your wife about your needs, you don have to mention the porn if you dont want to and i agree there is nothing wrong with porn so long as it doesn make you want more than you actually got!!!! i know it can be embarrasing but maybe if you both watched it, it can spice things up good luck!!!!!!!
I agree, I don't believe pornography in any sense is unhealthy, specially if you choose that to cheating on your spouse (which is obviously wrong and illegal, lol). I Understand how having kids can lower the sex drive of some females, you know self esteem and all, but communication is key, speak to her and let her know how you feel, don't leave out the porn part, who knows you may have found something to spark up your sex life. So good luck and always be open with your spouse, you will be amazed at how understanding loved ones can be.
You guys need to talk. A marriage cannot easily survive if one person wants to have sex and the other either doesn't want it or won't have it. Yes it can be tiring after having a child but there are babysitters or friends who can take the child to let you guys have some alone time.
I read once that the child can basically fill almost all the need for physical touch leaving no need for more. You need to tell your wife that you need her physically.
Pornography is no big deal in a healthy relationship in my opinion.
I read once that the child can basically fill almost all the need for physical touch leaving no need for more. You need to tell your wife that you need her physically.
Pornography is no big deal in a healthy relationship in my opinion.
wow...I cannot believe how almost exactly simular our lives are...it's creepy..for a second there I thought my husband had wrote that!! LOL
My husband and I have been married going on three years our son just turned 2..and this is something we have kinda struggled with. When we first got together it wasn't THAT big of a deal to me although it did kinda hurt my feelings..I though it was just something he would "grow out of". lol but, no matter how many arguments or fights we got in over it...the porn still won...always. From a girl's perspective, the thing that bothered me the most was that it was sneeky..it's like the actions of cheating..even though you are not..it was just something that I was not a part of in his life and I felt betrayed. We do go to church and are Christians as well. We were baptized together about a year ago.. We do try to make God a big part of our daily lives and yet this is the one thing we still deal with. We did end up going for a while to a Family Counselor from our church and although we breifly talked about it there (I think my hubby just felt better getting it out in the open) we ended up using that time learning about Gods word. The counselor didn't make him feel bad or anything...it ended up just being time for me and him to have spiritualy with eachother. It really was a good experience. My advice to you would be to open up to your wife so you two can deal with it together as husband and wife. You guys are in this together..
One more quick thing I wanted to add that our counselor said that really stuck with me was that Satan will make you feel guilty and make you unable to move forward..God is forgiving! That really stuck with me cause I know dealing with anxiety there is always a lot of guilt!
Anyways, sorry for the novel...you should talk to my hubby!
My husband and I have been married going on three years our son just turned 2..and this is something we have kinda struggled with. When we first got together it wasn't THAT big of a deal to me although it did kinda hurt my feelings..I though it was just something he would "grow out of". lol but, no matter how many arguments or fights we got in over it...the porn still won...always. From a girl's perspective, the thing that bothered me the most was that it was sneeky..it's like the actions of cheating..even though you are not..it was just something that I was not a part of in his life and I felt betrayed. We do go to church and are Christians as well. We were baptized together about a year ago.. We do try to make God a big part of our daily lives and yet this is the one thing we still deal with. We did end up going for a while to a Family Counselor from our church and although we breifly talked about it there (I think my hubby just felt better getting it out in the open) we ended up using that time learning about Gods word. The counselor didn't make him feel bad or anything...it ended up just being time for me and him to have spiritualy with eachother. It really was a good experience. My advice to you would be to open up to your wife so you two can deal with it together as husband and wife. You guys are in this together..
One more quick thing I wanted to add that our counselor said that really stuck with me was that Satan will make you feel guilty and make you unable to move forward..God is forgiving! That really stuck with me cause I know dealing with anxiety there is always a lot of guilt!
Anyways, sorry for the novel...you should talk to my hubby!
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