Violent thoughts when holding a weapon.

This is something that really bothers me, something that makes me want to kill myself should I ever be capable of doing this.
It is also something that has been with me since childhood.

I consider myself as a sensitive and good person, I have never done any harm to others without feeling regreat or pain, nor have I never substantially hurted others (if any, others substantially hurted me, emotionally or physically) through the means of any weapon.

And that's why I can't understand why this happens. Why, given that I am not a pyschopath, nor do I wish to do harm to others.

In fact, when this occurs to me, I actually feel the need to NOT do it but still, the thought unconsciently pops into my head, and it provokes a feeling of freightning in me.

What happens is this:

Whenever I hold a possible lethal weapon, such as a pair of scissors, a kitchen knife, a sledgehammer, a razorblade (less common) or any kind of tool that can be used to do harm (also this doesn't happen all the time), I get intruded by thoughts of using that weapon to hurt people, either stabbing their eyes or poking them or slashing and cutting skin and flesh.

I know this may sound like I'm some ******* lunatic, but not only do I rationally know this is wrong, I also feel an emotional barriage that will never allow me to do such a thing, no matter how pissed off I am (I don't particurally suffer from anger management issues, nor did I ever had explosive bursts of violence against fellow human beings).

I did however, once beaten my dog, but that's because she deserved it. I did not feel pleasure doing it, and I felt extreme regreat afterwards.

I know this may not be the apropriate mental health sub-division to post such a thing, but since it is the most with most views and replies I was hoping someone here could help me understand just what the **** this is...

[AnnieBrooke]

Undesired, intrusive thoughts, no matter what kind they are, would be something a therapist would be best trained to help you deal with.  Some people have undesired, intrusive thoughts about things like throwing themselves off an edge (a bridge, ledge, or cliff), some have undesired, intrusive sexual thoughts.  There is doubtless some known therapy for this kind of thing.  I'd definitely take myself there, especially since you once acted out with a dog.  Good luck, I hope you can do this.

[AnnieBrooke]

When I gave the examples of other kinds of undesired and intrusive thoughts, it was not because I thought you had them, I was just saying that other people probably also have the same problem, just about a different subject matter.  If lots of people have this, it is more likely that there is a known way to treat the problem.  Good luck, again.

[greenlydia]

Intrusive thoughts happen to many people and with psychiatric intervention they can be controlled or cured.

Your thoughts ARE very frightening as illustrated in this statement.......

"I get intruded by thoughts of using that weapon to hurt people, either stabbing their eyes or poking them or slashing and cutting skin and flesh."

That's some pretty nasty imagery.

One other thing you said that made me stop and sit up was when you wrote..............

" I did however, once beaten my dog, but that's because she deserved it. I did not feel pleasure doing it, and I felt extreme regreat afterwards."

At least you stated that you did not "enjoy" doing it and that you felt "regret" after doing it, but I have a very difficult time accepting your statement that "she deserved it."
To me, that is a terrifying attitude. No living thing DESERVES to be beaten.
If your dog did something that you felt she deserved to be beaten for, I would need to ask why YOU did not have control over your dog? What could your dog have done if you had had such control?

I would strongly urge you to seek psychological help as soon as possible. You keep saying you'd never act on these intrusive thoughts, but you also say you have them every time you pick up an object that could be used as a lethal weapon. Red flag.
Beating an animal does not correct its behavior. It only makes them distrust and fear people even more, especially YOU. Perhaps you have only beaten your dog that one time, but it's a well known fact that people who abuse animals have often been abused themselves.

Please get help before something worse than beating a dog happens. Before you decide someone "deserves" it.
Greenlydia        

[mammo]

I couldn't agree more......feeling like your dog deserved to be beaten is very disturbing. Even though you felt remorse, you also felt the dog "deserved" the beating....not healthy.  Take the above advice and seek help.

[greenlydia]

Putting the dog incident aside, for a moment, I'd like to reiterate that your problem with intrusive thoughts can be positively dealt with in therapy. There have been many people on this forum who tell us they are finally free of intrusive thoughts after seeing a therapist. I hope you will take that as the encouragement it's meant and seek help so you can get your life back.

Oh, and about the dog.......if you don't want her to die, if you don't want her to run away from you and get hit by a car, if you don't want her to run away from you and get picked up by some "idiot hippie groupies," then why don't you put her on a leash and learn how to train her using kindness and rewards rather than violence? If you can't afford to take her to training classes, there are many good books available, free at the library, that will teach you how to train your dog with love and kindness which works better than anything. Animals, like children, respond much more rapidly to a gentle voice and a loving touch.

Just out of curiosity, since I'm not really up to date on Portugal culture, what, exactly, do these "idiot hippie groupies" do to dogs that have run away from their owners?
Are they used for some sort of Satanic ritual? Roasted and eaten like a pig? Forced to smoke marijuana? Beaten?

I wish YOU better mental health. I'll pray for your dog.
Sign me,
"******* animal lover -.- "

[greenlydia]

Actually, it IS all up to education. Yours, not the dogs. Genetics certainly plays a part in your dogs behavior. You chose a breed of dog that is highly intelligent, a working dog that needs a great deal of exercise and training. A breed that is well known for their independence and strong will, some would say their stubborness. They need a strong leader to train them, but that training should NEVER include the whip, in a manner of speaking.

If you had taken the time to research the needs of a Lab, and then honestly looked at how much time and effort you were willing to commit to the proper training of this dog............if you were honest with yourself, you would have realized this was not the breed of dog for you at this time.

ANY dog will do what they want, when they want if they have no training. As the "alpha" dog, it is up to YOU to teach this animal what and when they can do certain things. If trained properly, the dog will look to you every time for "permission" rather than just take off.
Until your dog has reached this level of obeidience and trust, YOU must do whatever it takes to keep the dog safe. That means keeping it on a leash to prevent it from being hurt. Being on a leash will not "erase" a dogs impulses. Those are instincts older than our own. What we, as responsible dog owners can do, is control those instincts until the dog is in a safe environment where it can run free, let those instincts take over, be a dog, be free. And when it's time to go home, a dog who will come to your side when called but you are "alpha" and she trusts and likes you and will willingly do what you ask of her.

I'm sorry to hear that you just let her do what she wants now, that you no longer even try to train her because you say "it's no good." You tried a few things and gave up. Training is a long and slow process that takes daily practice with a lot of praise and love, not punishment.

Since you are not going to train her, I would implore you to at the very least keep her on a leash to be safe or find her a home with people who understand dogs.

Perhaps a goldfish would be the better option for you. But I've heard hitting them causes them to float upside down..............
Greenlydia

[ginger899]

PS....why don't you join the Dogs Community? You'd be very welcome if you want to....
It's pretty friendly over there, and you never know, you might have some knowledge that can help others? That's how I started.
All the best,
Ginger

[greenlydia]

As my final post to you, there are no words that express, strongly enough, my hope and encouragement for you to seek psychiatric treatment.
What happened to you that has created such terrible anger inside?
I feel such sadness for you.
I wish you peace within.....
Greenlydia  

[Gma59]

Your anger issues shine brightly in your posts!  My son is a professional dog trainer and said you never hit or slap a dog to teach them anything.  You may stop the dog at the time but it just creates more issues for the dog.

[Emily_MHModerator]

Hi everyone -

Let's stick to the topic, which is anger and intrusive thoughts.  If miguelmalato wants to get advice about his dog, he can visit the Dogs Community.

Also, personal attacks are not allowed on MedHelp.  Please take some time and read the Terms of Use - http://www.medhelp.org/termsofuse.htm  We are a support and info site, and we can't be either of those things if members are fighting and name calling.

Thanks,

Emily

[bumblebizto]

hey mig, i know this post is late. But I have to tell you, sometimes I have been in a stage where I have odd thoughts about injury, etc. It aint great but ive been able to deal with it. I own a firearm legally of course and I have to say Ive never thought about bad things with it. I mean passing thoughts of course that fly by in a moment, but youre referring to lingering thoughts... haunting thoughts. I know what you mean. But even owneing a firearm for 5 years now, ive never acted dangerously with it. I guess its about containing thoughts and emotions and limiting the imagery that may come with them.
If you have a close friend, keep in contact with him or her. I have had to call up close friends  in the later parts of the night for some reassurance. Hopefully there is someone like this in your life that you can lean on. Dont let those people go and gain happiness and reassurance through them. Do what it takes to contain these harmful images. Best of luck.