Since I was very young, I have had a fear of dying into eternal nothingness. I have found myself waking up, as the years have passed by, more and more often in an extreme panic. I am not dreaming, but in a state of sleep where my mind is completely void of thought, time and where I am (I feel as if my life is "non-existent" during this state of sleep), when suddenly my head is intruded by the single idea and sometimes words in my head "i have to die" or "i wont exist". Instantly I wake up yelling extremely loud and I have to get up and move around or sometimes pound the bed violently for about 5 seconds, usually cursing and acting extremly irrational. Only when Im in this state of sleep does the idea of death bother me. I have no fear of death when Im awake at all. It simply consumes me and nobody or nothing can console me until I calm down and collect myself in 2-5 minutes. I feel like everytime it happens it's because my body or mind is reacting to this thoughtless, non-existent state, as if it is some type of mental defense mechanism or simply refusing to slide into mental nothingness. During this time, nothing and no one can calm me because theyre concern could not be as deeply rooted, especially since it feels like I have had a preview of Death and Eternal Nothingness. These attacks happen randomly, sometimes a few nights a part, sometimes months apart. What can I do to remedy this?
I would first advise getting a very thorough physical to rule out an organic cause of these episodes, then a discussion about getting into therapy if the cause is determined to be psychological/emotional.
You don't say how old you are, but we all, to one extent or another, fear death. How we come to terms with that fear is a very personal journey.
If your doctor finds nothing to physically explain what is going on, I believe the remedy lies in therapy.
I wish you respite and peace
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