What Next

Well it all started when I was in secondary school, I began to notice a sudden overwhelming fear of reading out loud in class.  I had always been pretty uptight as a kid and appeared very giddy to others a nervous reaction on reflection.  My upbringing was difficult with a mother that was an alcoholic and prescription junkie who spent most of her days arguing nd ignoring if not physically abusing my father.  She attempted suicide numerous times and we as kids were compelled to go and check on her frequently to see that she hadn't done herself any harm.  This environment and a possible genetic predisposition to mental problems I believe have amounted to the mess that I am today.  It really all began for me when I was 18 and worked very intensely and under extremely stressful circumstances for a period of three months, I was physically and emotionally drained and living away from home for the first time in my life.  I collapsed one day and when I stood back up found that my sorroundings seemed very different, everything was foggy and I was floating or at least the ground appeared to be moving.  I battled with this for several months until I found relief in recreational drugs which my friends had co-incidently started dabbling with themselves.  This was a short term outlet and needless to say it all caught up with me once more when I found myself in a doctors surgery unable to sleep or breath or even hold a conversation.  She told me I had G.A.D and prescribed me Seroxat which worked for sometime, I decided I was well enough to come off stopped taking them and fell back to the same vicious circumstances as before.  I went back on and although I recieved mild relief it was never the same.  The side effects seemed to outway the benefits.  I have since tried Paroxetine and Fluoxetine but to no avail.  I realise now that I'm off my meds that my S.A.D is potentially worse than my G.A.D and the two together are making my mildly depressed if not angry.  I don't sleep until very late at night and always and always feel tired each morning, I dread big events get myself so worked up that I can not even think straight, I usually end up getting very drunk to mask my uneasiness and end up making an idiot of myself which in turn doesn't help things in the long run.  I try to exercise but that just makes me feel worse again I'm left feeling exhausted and bothered.  I would like to do some C.B.T but just cannot afford it at the moment as I am returning to schooling, another aspect which I dread with presentations being a large part of the many modules.  I would really like to know if there are any natural medicines that could be recommended as apposed to the many ssri's which I have had no luck with so far.  I really want to get back to those few months of relief I had when I first tried Seroxat all those years ago.

[Pum]

I'm sorry to hear those medications didn't work for you. Are you under the care of a caring doctor? There may be other medication options for you.

Self help non-medication ideas:
Exercise is great for mental health so keep trying it. Keep busy and focussing on other people (voluntary work maybe). Listen to upbeat music and never nap during the day. Practice breathing and eat healthily and often.

Good luck and take care.

[tara79]

exercise certainly is the best way to deal with anxiety.. if you cant afford going to CBT, you could try going to see a counselor at school..am sure they must have that in the student services for a minimal fee or nothing at all... do give that a try..and maybe they can help put you with seeking medical help as well... do keep us posted,  and hope you feel better.. dont give up.. its hard work, and this time is the very frustrating and looks totally dark, but i m sure you 'll be able to lift.  yeah as in the above post, soothing music is good to try, a warm shower before you go to bed, exercise for about 20 mins in the morning, set yourself one goal for the day and make sure you do it...
hopefully this helps. take care..