There is something very wrong with me. I feel really skiddish, I feel like Im going to die, i dont even feel alive right now. I have serious derealization. I dont feel like I am me...my eyes feel really unfocused..I have anxiety and im freaking out. Normally my symptoms of anxiety are nausea, cycling htoughts, shaking, heart palpatations...but all these things are happening to me right now...are they symptoms of anxiety? I feel like they are, but they never typically happen to me so is it possible to just randomly get new symptoms? I have a phobia of throwing up and my friend (that i havent seen in a while) got the stomach bug and it really freaked me out. I am on medication to control symptoms but it doesnt work. I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist to maybe change medications but for now, for temporary treatment...what can I do? Is this even anxiety? Am I dying? I feel like i have no control over my body right now. This is so scary...Im bawling my eyes out..Why is this happening to me?
life is scary---we are an odd thing, us human beings, us hybrids of man and animal, God and the Devil ( I speak without dogma), and life will always confound us. In many, a lasting type of negative anxiety you sort of describe is simply a fact of life. Sure there are super happy people out there who just love, love, love life, and God bless them, thats beautiful, but I wouldn't trade places because I prefer to know the truth, the way the world really is, and the world isn't all smiles and fun and spectacle and illusion. Life is something one must truly tangle with---are you a young person (I dont know I guess like 17-27)? Because if so, learning who one really is during pivotal life moments such as "what am i gonna be" "will i ever earn enough money" "is she the one" "what is my true sexuality" "should i leave this damn town" "am i too scared?" I believe those of us with intrinsic, deep, natural, seemingly unavoidable anxiety can only find relief in the real drugs (benzos and such) intense exercise, and BEING PRODUCTIVE. Its at least a personal opionion of mine, most anxious people, many, are anxious because something is bottled up that must come out, art, writing, ANYTHING. When it comes out, when that insatiable, unqunechable inner thirst finally gets a sip, its a stronger and certainly a better feeling than any xanies ever. So my adivce is to find ur passion and practice it. Remind yourself of how incredibly miraculous it is that you and I and all of us are alive at all. A gambler wouldn't a bet on it ;) The truth is, everyone is a miracle, not be be sappy, everyone exists for a reason, so meditate on what that is, why YOU are here, and make moves to reazliae it. I suffered from 14-24 so much I thought about ending it despite having loving parents, great life, such luck, but thats the power of anxiety. We believe some stupid lie that natural things are sick and we weird and off and have strange problems, so we alienate ourselves from others, isolate, hell, even with ourselves. One of the most important aspects of repairing anxiety is to learn to love yourself, to see the miracle of who you are, to feel that incredible energy, and to know how amazing the Creator's plan is---because think, we NEED anxiety in certain situations as danger is a large part of existence without a doubt. So don't get angry that aniety exists, just recognize that you suffer from a bad case that must be treated by good, functional, therapeutically dosed meds, exercise, sauna, massage, etc.. and daily. Try and take 20-30 day of pure benzo breaks a month if ur on alprazolam. Say no to diazepam unless u want to quit, the half life (time it takes to get out of system) is ridiclously long and I anecdotally (no proof but experience) think that alpraz is safer esp if lengths of 16 or so hours separate doses, it allows the GABA receptor to heal up some. Whew! Sorry, so darn long! Good luck
Thanks for your insight..it made me think a lot and helped! I am 18, ive had anxiety (specifically a phobia of throwing up) since I was a baby. My mom saw it in me as young as 2 years old. I never had a traumatic expierience or anything...i just grew up with it. It became debilitating when I was in middle school, about age 12 and i developed depression from a number of things but a big thing was i developed depression because i was so debilitated by my anxiety. It is stomach bug season and literally i have a panic attack about it AT LEAST 2-3 times a day. Im at work right now, trying to work, but i just spent 30 minutes in the bathroom crying hysterically because i found out someone who works here's son got the stomach bug. I realize how pathedic I am, and how illogical it is for me to have this fear, but i cant shake it. Im in therapy, and currently taking 100mg of Pristiq but i have a psychiatrist appt tomorrow in which i hope to start a new medication. Reading is something that helps me...i just find it hard to find the time to read. I want to try things like meditation but Im just not a spiritual person AT ALL and i feel like i dont have the patience to do it. I mean im only 18 and I cant live my life. I lose friends, family, confidence, hope, and so much from this anxiety. I feel like all im doing is losing. I find it sooo difficult to find a reason to live because living is so painful to me. I mean i look for outs but im a coward and dont think i could kill myself. I certainly consider it a lot. I think about what my life would be if i didnt have anxiety, and it makes me cry because i think about how happy i could be. It bothers me when people stress over stupid things like school and i wish i could stress over that..id give ANYTHING to stress over that rather than focus on being terrified to throw up. I feel too young to be so debilitated and scared of the world. Im too young to lock myself in my room and cry all day because im that terrified of germs. I want to see the world and do so many things...but this is so much in my way
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