What the F is wrong with me

I have for a while been confused about what is "wrong" with me. I am 23, a student, and a single mother (but I've been feeling this way forever).

As far back as I can remember, I have been having issues with anxiety and depression. I have also been having issues with alcohol and food consumption, mood swings, panic attacks (I think), motivating myself to do things I fear, and more specifically social anxiety. Though, all of it is hard to categorize, because I feel different every day it seems. It seems like so much, so I will just break it down for you:

The cause of my anxiety seems to be that I over analyze a lot of things, especially things I fear and things I don't "feel like doing." For example, I can't get myself to do something as simple as exercise or take the trash out! There are some days where my motivation is higher and I can do these things, but others where it is extremely hard. I hate that Nike slogan "just do it" because it doesn't seem like I can "just do" anything without over analyzing it first, getting anxious about it, thus fearing it. I have a social anxiety that makes no sense, because when I am around people I don't feel so shy any more. Telling myself this while thinking about the upcoming social event doesn't seem to ease my worry. One fear that I have that has kept me from "living a normal life" is that I am scared to have a job again. I have quit numerous jobs because of anxiety, and each time lays more failure on my shoulders. The day that I have to go into work and my anxiety about it is at its worse, I "freeze up" and feel like I just can't go. I don't work right now, I am a mother and student. I am a good student, minus the horrible attendance. I do rather well learning, getting things done, and turning them in, thus school is of little concern.

Certain days I will get depressed. It's usually because I feel lonely, bored, or too anxious. I've been on antidepressants in the past, but they usually make me feel tired or more anxious. These are common reasons for why I drink most nights of the week. Sometimes I just want my brain to stop spinning.

A few times lately I have had these strange occurrences where I feel like I can't get enough air and my arms tingle, but I wasn't anxious prior to it (may have had caffeine though but not much). And just a note: It seems like the depression and anxiety is worse two weeks before and up to my period, though the anxiety is a majority of days.

So any idea what is wrong with me? A lot of these symptoms run in my family: the anxiety, depression, and alcoholism.

[GA_need_help]

Hi,
I just want to give you a big hug. I understand where you are.  It is possible you may have a situation similar to mine--I am tapering on Opiates (pain medicine), and you are drinking alcohol.  I believe I have hyper- neuroexcitability, and perhaps that is a part of your problem too.  I learned about this state our brains get into when we have substances in them.  It is indeed very, very painful!  It is written about on the Florida Detox site, which is run by Dr. Sponaugle.  You can inquire about their program, and they will send you a link to their conferences held every Tuesday pm.  I have no connection to this company.  I may go when I am at the end of my detox.  However, I know it is a blessing to be able to afford this!   It may be illuminating to you though, as it was to me.  I have struggled a great deal (and still struggle) with anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.  I think you will get great ideas here.  I need the ideas too.   So that I can better deal with the anxiety that is part of my taper, the hardest thing I have ever done.  And, at 43, I have been to treatment twice. I have gotten everything mind-altering out of my life.  I don't feel anything mentally from the pain medicine!  I do want you to know there is a very, very supportive community.  I believe we both can deal with our problems.  I am here to help!  And remember your fears haven't materialized (like the fear of how you will be with people).  So you have to do what I am doing--tell yourself the truth about the situation.  Write it out as I am doing about an issue.  And, I pray God will show mercy on both of us with our struggles.  I will pray for us both.  Big hug, Marie