Whats normal?

Im dealing with anxiety and BPD..im 31 i have delt with this my whole life my family life growing up was abusive i never really had friends ,cant do anything for myself ..and when i try i panic,,i have never done anything fun in my life ,,,dont know what fun is or how it feels to have fun,,My life has been lonly ,,i have seen councilers and doctors,,but nothing is working for me,,maybe this knowbody is who i am ,,like i said i have NEVER been able live (normal)..I sit in my house woundering who am i , what ami supose to be doing .....im lost and allways been lost.....I cant work,,go shopping ,,or anything else,,,................................I really dont know how to live ,,,i never knew how ,,,......

[MrGreen]

I think what we tend to do is build a small sort of life around the condition we have. It is not the life we would be living if we never had the condition. It is a life forced upon us. I tend to do loner type of things. Because I never could handle crowds or been in a room with other people. Thus I created a life that suited my condition. I understand the part about lonely. You can watch others, through the window, heading out at weekends, as you sit there, unable to do such things. But when we break it down like that, is that not feeling sorry for ourselves? Meaning the situation will never change. That was what I concluded. So up off my ar$e I got and I began to do a bit more. I admit I still don't live the life I would love to. I don't go out places in a social sense of the word. But just been able to get out of the house is better than sitting in a chair looking out of the window feeling sorry for myself. Even today I went somewhere. Sort of like a clubhouse for people who have been in hospital at some point in the lives and want to learn to interact with others again. I was uncomfortable there. Today was a guided tour around the place and forms to fill in. Then I decide if I want to go back. So there are places. There are things to do. Just sitting about gives us far too much time to think. That thinking is never good. All we see is the bad side of things. It brings us down. Will continue to do so until we make the changes happen. There must be something different you do? Even if it is just something small. To break the day up. Take your thoughts away from you. Just a case of looking hard enough. And been willing to make the effort. No matter how hard it gets. And it is far from easy. I know that all too well. But take a closer look at your life. Make a list of changes you would like to make. How you can make those changes a reality. Even just chase one. It would be a great start for you. Something to be proud of and something you can build upon.