Where do I go from here?

[veggielover]

I realized just last night something that I haven't been wanting to admit to myself and that I've always known but I've tried to convince myself that other things were the cause of this...anyway I realized that I get nervous around groups of people and social gatherings. My nerves usually take me over and prevent me from being bubbly and outgoing. Sure, I smile I try to be nice and friendly looking, but I just do not know what to say most times, unless I have alcohol in me. I dont abuse alcohol, I don't self medicate with alcohol, but if its there and I have the opportunity to drink, I will, and it helps my nerves go away. So, my question is....where do I go from here?
I don't want to get nervous when I'm about to meet up with a group of people anymore.

[MrGreen]

A doctor would be a good start. Just to explain your problem. Social phobia. The doctor might try you on medication. Or even suggest a therapist. It can be beating. Just a case of getting the help. Understanding the condition and then fighting back.

[Paxiled]

Since it doesn't sound like it's affecting your life that much so far, I'd put off the medication and do therapy.  I always think exhausting other options is best before turning to meds.  But think about it, why do people at parties drink?  Why do groups of people drink?  That's what alcohol does, it eases social situations.  Otherwise, people wouldn't feel the need to drink so much.  You're just smart enough to notice.

[veggielover]

I always wonder if meds really work cause I find them kind of scary and I would like to work this out on my own.

Do you think people are supposed to know when someone has a problem like my social phobia?

For example, should I tell my friends about it and see if they can help me....?
Like should I let them know, so hey guys I realized that I get kind of nervous when I'm out with people, but I want to be able to socialize so thats why I go out and try....

I don't know how to answer this question myself so I would love another opinion on it.



Sometimes I think that if my friends knew about this they wouldn't accept me because they would feel like they have to cater(sp?) to my special needs........I don't like asking for help......so if I told them  this I feel like it would make them feel forced to make sure I'm ok or something....

Maybe I don't know what friendship really is, cause when a friend has a problem your supposed to want to help them out, but I just feel like some people are so selfish. I think I'm just scared.

[Paxiled]

I wish I had a good answer for you, but I don't.  I've been living with my anxiety a long time, and a medication experience made it much worse.  Which doesn't mean medication can't help, it just means you need to have a better psychiatrist than I did.  But I'm not going to lie, I did lose all my friends because of it.  People aren't going to want to spend their lives on your problems.  But when you're still young, it's different, that's when you're still making your good friends.  Do tell them, don't be ashamed, but don't have it be the only thing you are.  And get therapy, no friend will know how to help you, they just can't, it's your experience, not theirs.  Professional help is where you should go.  Find a psychologist who specializes in anxiety asap and get to work before it progresses and your mind is too conditioned.  And keep doing things, avoidance is what feeds the disease.

[remar]

People don't know that your feeling nervous around them. Alot of times when your in a social situation there's probably other people feeling nervous too.
My close friends know that I have anxiety and they have no problems with it. They've actually been great helping me when I am feeling anxious.
I would'nt jump right into taking meds for this. Therapy sounds like a good idea. Or if you want to try it on your own there are several good books you can buy. Both things are worth a try before taking meds. Take care. Remar

[thepixies]

I have the exact same problem! It's called social phobia or social anxiety. The thing is, 'normal' people feel the same way too, to some extent. It is totally normal to feel a bit nervous around groups of people, just as it is nerve wracking for someone to get up on a stage in front of 10,000 people to talk. Ask anyone on the street if they would find it easy to get up on a stage and talk to 10,000 people, 99% of them will admit that they would be very nervous! So sitting with a bunch of people is no different at all. It's a few people or a dozen people instead of 10,000 but it's still technically the same thing. It's still just you talking and numerous other people listening.

With just chatting to smaller groups of people, you will find that many perfectly normal people are still nervous, if only a little bit. As others have said, that is largely why drinking alcohol is such a big thing. So I would say that it's perfectly normal and it's nothing to worry about.

In my opinion at least, you should only actually consider it "a problem", if it is so bad that it makes you avoid going to a little social gathering like that. Or when you are there, if someone perhaps asked you something and the attention of the room turned to you, if you felt extremely bad about that, then it's a problem. If you were just a bit shy but still managed to say whatever you wanted to say, then that is just shyness, and you can either just live with that like many millions of other people, or you could work on overcoming it by reading some self confidence self help type books/websites.

If you were sure that it wasn't just shyness though, and in fact is a real significant problem for you, then you can still deal with it in a similar way. For me, I went to my doctor and got referred to a psychologist who now gives me therapy and told me a good book to read about it. The combination of the therapy and the stuff I've learned in the book is helping me make progress. It's all very new for me still, but the techniques in the book are miraculous really. It's called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it's basically just a way of you teaching your mind to deal with certain things in a different and better way. It takes practice and it can be very difficult if like me, the social phobia is really quite severe. But it definitely works and it's a solution that you can work towards. Also, there are so many people on this website who have a lot of experience with this, they could all help and can all give their own perspectives. It's a surprisingly common problem, which saddens me because I know first hand how damn horrible it can be! Good luck to you and to everyone working through problem.