Why do I doubt myself SO much?
by veggielover, Jul 01, 2009
Some days I am sure of myself, other days I can't make the simplest decisions. I worry too much about what others will think. I can't just be myself!! What can I do to stop all of this self-doubt and hatred? Honestly, I wish I could be the bubbly party host that I want to be, but I don't know, I feel like I'm trying too hard sometimes. Once again, I'm going back and forth on decisions, I can't make up my mind.

My parents are going out of town this weekend. I will obviously have the house to myself for a few nights. I plan on having the house for my friends and I to relax at and have fun without any restrictions. That's totally fine with me, my close friends at my house. At the same time, though, I want to throw a party for the fourth of july which is saturday. I had a birthday party when my parents were gone about a month ago. It went totally fine and I was a good host. Actually, I think I'm fine with throwing a party for the fourth of July. The thing that made me a little stressed was, my friend asked for a huge favor of me.

She asked me if she could have a little get together at my house to celebrate her birthday since my parents will be out of town and her birthday is in the next coming week. I felt completely pressured to say yes since duh, it's for her birthday and I don't want to be the one to disappoint her.....because of course, I'm this little push over who only wants to make people happy.

Well, this time, I stood my ground and told her I didn't want to have a huge party since I'm having one on Saturday for the fourth of july.
Am I being hypocritical by being totally fine with having my own 4th of July party and then not being as comfortable letting her have her get together for her birthday on friday? I don't know if I'm in the wrong..

And the thing is, I keep changing my mind on her. When she first asked me, I responded by saying yeah that would be cool as long as it doesn't get too out of hand and I know everyone who is coming. Pretty reasonable, right? Then, I started thinking about it and for some reason I started getting really anxious and nervous about my decision, I was unsure about it. So, I told her...hey wait actually I'm rethinking it and I only want our close friends there for your little birthday get-together. She understood why, and she was fine with it, but I'm not completely sure if she knows the full details of my fourth of July party.

Am I being unfair or irrational in having my own 4th of July party and not wanting such a big get together for her birthday?? I really need to know if I'm in the wrong here.

I'm going to ask her myself because we are getting together this week to talk about it. I'm just not sure about my decisions. I need to be more confident about it, but I'm not and that's why I would appreciate and onlooker's suggestions or opinions on this.

Thank you so much if you take the time to read this, really.
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