Why do I still worry over HIV?

Let's see...I had an HIV scare not too long ago but was tested negative. I was assured by the doctor and also by the knowledgable members in the HIV forum that I can fully trust my negative result and move on. But I seem to have trouble doing so. I mean, alot of the time, I'm thinking clearly and can accept I don't have it. But there's times when the HIV worry pops back into my head and it just worries me all over again. If I even think about having sex with any girl I like, I feel like I'd be giving her a death sentence basically. So it's like I'm scared to even have sex, even though I know I should really accept my negative result and move on.

Just incase, here's a brief timeline of things that happened (I should note, I have a not-so-good memory when it comes to remembering when things happened in the past, so my estimates might be a little off, but not by much):

-anywhere from a year, year and a half, to two years ago, I had my only session of unprotected sex.
-In the months following, I've had a few sessions of oral sex with about 4 different people.
-A couple months passed before I had any other session since the last one.
-I then had another session of oral sex, but because we were interupted, I had only performed oral sex for about 30 seconds, give or take a few seconds. No ejaculation/swallowing occurred. I also received oral for about the same time.
-About 1.5 to 2 months later, I was tested for HIV, because I suddenly started freaking out about my encounter of unprotected sex from a while back (the first line here).
-Test was negative, but I guess the reason I still worry is because I feel like "What if I got HIV from that last encounter of oral sex?" Any encounter before that last brief one was definitely at least 3 months before my test, so I know I'm clear of any of those encounters.

The reason I think it's anxiety is because I've been assureed many times I don't have HIV, but it's like I can't accept it.

[greenlydia]

So somewhere around 2 YEARS ago, you had unprotected sex. Since then, according to what you've written, you've had nothing but oral sex. Do I have that correct?

You state that "A couple MONTHS passed before you had another session," which I take to mean oral sex. You had another session, which was interupted, and again I am assuming you mean oral sex.
    
Then you say "about 2 MONTHS later you were tested for HIV, which was negative."

I'm sure you were told this on the HIV Forum, but I will repeat it anyway. There are THREE ways to contract HIV:
1) UNPROTECTED anal/vaganal sex
2) Sharing drug works with a KNOWN HIV + person
3) Mother to unborn child

OK...........you blew the first rule. You DID have unprotected sex and you dodged the bullet as your HIV test CONSLUSIVELY PROVED.

Now go back and read the THREE ways you can contract HIV. Doesn't say anything about oral sex, protectected or unprotected does it? Because you can't contract it that way. You could have unprotected sex with a SW who was HIV+ AND having her period AND you could have some mouth sores AND bleeding gums and your risk would still be ZERO.

You do NOT have HIV, you did NOT have a risk, (with ANY of your oral sex sessions) but you DO have anxiety.
See your doctor to check for other STD's which CAN be transmitted from oral sex and while you're there, get a referral to a good therapist. Hopefully the therapist will be to not only help you accept your diagnosis, but will do what YOU should have done long ago, educate yourself about HIV.
Peace
Greenlydia    

[SpankYourSister]

Thank you. I am now educated on HIV, it's just the anxiety seems to override rational thinking sometimes. Anyway, I have checked for other STDs, only positive for one minor one, so I guess I really got lucky here. I will seek mental help if this doesn't get any better anytime in the near future.

[greenlydia]

There is much more to learning about HIV than what I listed here, but I hope that little bit calmed you down.
I'm glad you got checked for other STD's and hopefully you let ALL YOUR OTHER PARTNERS KNOW!
And yes, you DID get lucky. Indulging in risky sexual behavior with all the information available, AND the simplicity of protecting both yourself and your partner is just plain, well, stupid.
If you ask me, the "near future" has already arrived. Anxiety will always override rational thinking.
Peace
Greenlydia

[SpankYourSister]

Again thanks. A good start on getting over this anxiety would probably be to quit coming here and reading over HIV, right?