I went to my doctor yesterday for the first time.... He was really nice. He said he mostly deals with younger children. I turned 18 in September. But as nice as he was he was a jackass!!!! He kept "fusing" as he said at me. He told my that my "voices" aren't real and it's psychosis! I said they're people that live inside me. He said how do they eat? I mean c'mon! I can via. Month without eating. But anyways, they eat through me. I feed them! I just couldn't say that to them. But he just hurt my feelings. And I'm so fuching sick of people telling me their not real just b.c of their views on things!!!! So Medhelp is like a friend to me b.c it can give me advice and keep secrets, but I'm Not going to take me medicine anymore! I know it's my choice, my life right? I have preventive measures to stay out of the hospital. They may not be the "healthiest" to other people, but I believe that the measures will keep me 'safe'.... I don't understand why everyone has to be such an *** about everything just b.c of their professions and own beliefs!!!! I like my doctor and team, I'm just going to prove to everyone and myself I can live confidently without being supported by the poison that is called medicine!!!!
I JUST GOT OUT OF A 2 MONTH STAY IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION!!!! I WANT them to come back! He's been a psychiatrist for 22 years!!!! I said I liked him, but he was just.....had a different approach. He was a jackass!! But a nice one. Bu like I said. I want them to come back. That's why I'm stopping taking my medicine. Although its hell, my 'voices' help me cope and understand things better. But everyone is the same and no one can see that! Even your assuming having the voices is a bad thing when I deliberately said I wanted them!!! Is everyone really the same as they appear?! Or do some people have more than commen sense? Do they have a heart?
Woah. Relax. We're here to help you, that's why you're here right?
The problem with "allowing" psychotic symptoms to persist is that there is a significant chance that whatever disorder is causing them could worsen, causing much more serious and debilitating symptoms. Have you been given an official diagnosis? What kinds of things do the voices say? Have you ever thought of harming yourself or others?
I've honestly never come accross someone who wasn't alarmed by psychotic symptoms (if they are aware of them), so it's probably pretty commonplace that other professionals haven't seen that either. Most people who seek help want changes.
I guess my only advice to you would be, if you are resistant to treatment to stop these symptoms, then I suppose your best option would be to not share with others what you experience, simply because there will always be a desire to get help for you. That's because these symptoms are abnormal, and I don't mean that disrespectfully at all.
If you choose to not seek treatment, that's your choice, as long as you live a functional life and are content with it. Again, I would just worry about disease progression down the line.
I think you are seeking acceptance, and while I get that, I think you need to be honest with yourself that it's going to be very hard to come by.
The cutting I have done before also but only bc at the time it relieved the stress I was under... I have learned that with time the cutting is a temporary thing... Do you think that maybe bc u do cut its a deeper lying issue as well as the voices? I would like to ask you a question but not in any offens. Where you ever raped or molested as a child?
Well maybe u weren't but the reason she probably assumed is because majority of females who cut were abused as a child wether it be mentally physically (sexually or non sexual). The voices in your head can do nothing to harm u at all it is u that can cause harm to yourself. I wish u the best though just don't let them rule u if u enjoy them learn how to control them
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you have had plans to harm yourself or others, that is not okay, that's no way to live. If you have to "get rid" of the voices to get rid of those thoughts, I think it is a great trade off. Think of the alternative. What if you do end up acting on your "voices" and harm someone you love? Kill them? You go to jail...what kind of help will you get there? What kind of life will you have? And then, once you WERE on medication and your psychotic symptoms were controlled, you'd have to live with the regret of your actions.
The cutting, the voices...they are all maladpative ways of you coping with stress. There are other ways...ways that can help you be happy, without those scary thoughts and actions.
You need help, hon, and I sincerely hope you continue to get it and be totally honest with the people who are trying to help you. And, yes, certain things are your choice in life, but it is not OKAY to pursue a choice that puts others, and yourself in danger, not when there is treatment out there.
Please just consider keeping the help coming, okay? You'll never know until you get to a better place how you'll feel. You may just be very pleasantly surprised.
you have to be honest with these people who are trying to help you,the way your thinking and feeling has to do with a psychotic disorder it sounds,the mind is very powerful,if your not honest with doctors nurses etc they cant treat your condition properly,you have to be very honest,they are not there to judge you.Please get some help
I am very concerned about what you are going through. It seems as though you are struggling with a lack of control over your own mind as well as the treatment that has been provided to you. You feel as though you have no control over anything and the one thing you can control is stopping your medicine and allowing the voices to continue. However, I ask are you really in control? Not really your life is being controlled by your mind which proves that your really not in control. I totally get the need to be in control I have been there before, but you have to realize that you are only allowing things to get out of control. You have to open your mind to treatment because it seems as if you are resistant to help yet crying out for it at the same time.. I again have been there and as soon as you release yourself and let the help flow in you will find that you finally understand what it means to live. I want to say I am not trying to offend you in any way because I do realize that it is your life and you have the right to choose what works best for you but I think that maybe if you just tried treatment with an open mind you might be surprised. You have to realize that what you find to be comfort in the voices is really not comfort at all it is your body telling you something is wrong.. and feeling the way you do in fact is really not comfortable at all. I am here with an open mind and an open ear if you need someone to talk with. I come with no judgments and hope that you realize we are all just trying to help and support you :)
OP, I hope you can see just how many total strangers care and are concerned for your well being. I really hope you read the replies you've received over and over and are able to consider the recommendations with an open mind, realizing they have all come from a good place, not out of judgement or anything else.
Please post an update when you can, we're all pulling for you!
She assumed b.c of many things we talked about. Even though I told her nothing ever happened. She said she would never believe that b.c of the way I acted.... I feel like they took over my body. It couldve been just me, yeah, but it wasn't. No one can make you do anything I acknowledge...but their special.... I'd do anything for them.... Sometimes I feel like I don't have a choice....even if I do. It wouldn't be the same if I had control over them. That would make me somebody important ( which I'm not), who has more power than she should. Especially over people who should have more power over me like they do! I WANT them to control me and find happiness through me! Their not alive anymore!!!! They live through me... I want them to be happy, even if that takes my place of happiness.... But it doesn't....
I tried being honest though.... IT GETS YOU IN A HOSPITAL!!!! And my doctor like I said was an jackass! He judged me. He told me it was time to grow up b.c I still carry Dolly, my baby doll with me everywhere. There are reasons for thing you know!!!! You don't think that's judging?!?!?!?! And I don't think it's a disorder more than it is just a thing that needs to be worked on. Others beg to differ.... Probably you as well eh?!
What kind of help do you think I need?!?!?!?! Really?
I don't think that you truly want to hurt anyone.. you may think you want to because you feel like you deserve to be punished but I don't see why you deserve to be punished.. what you are feeling and experiencing mentally is not a reason to feel that you must do something such as harming others in order to be punished.. I also don't like that you feel like you are nothing.. you are every bit as important as everyone else, there is no one else in this world like you, no one else has your exact DNA and that makes you special... you have a purpose for being here and you can make a positive difference in this world but you have to start with yourself..you deserve help and deserve to feel what it is like to truly live and love.. I hope you will be honest with not only yourself but your doctors as well and seek treatment.. you are going to need to take yourself out of your comfort zone to realize that you really weren't all that comfortable after all.. I hope you realize how special you are and just because you don't feel like you are anything it doesn't mean you aren't someone's everything.. I am speaking from my heart when I tell you this and I hope you realize how many people are pulling for you to get some help
I feel as if u don't really want anyone to help you so I will stop saying get help and try to control them.... I feel like if u keep saying that then that's truly what u want. I'm not trying to be harsh but u can't help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves. If you have violent thoughts about killing yourself and cutting yourself then maybe u do need to be on medicine and be in a psychiatric hospital. That's what those places are made of to keep you from harming yourself or others. As for u saying u want to kill your family and u know that u would need to go to jail, someone with schizophrenia doesn't know right from wrong so maybe that's not what u have u really may have some underlying issues
I believe I have control over many things though... But I guess your correct....I'm just In a state I dunno what to do anymore!... I'm avoiding taking my medicine for as long as possible. I KNOW I can do it this time...!!!! I know it!!!! I can make it without the medicine this time. But I can't be as honest as I was before.... And like I told nursegirl, I know things may get out of what I feel is in my control, but that's what's best for them, and for me. Okay?! I've been in therapy for 5 years almost!..... I'm just tired of trying to get myself the "help" I don't need or deserve!!!!
Why do you not think I am comfortable like I am? Why doesn't anyone think it is healthy as I am happy?!
Why don't you think you deserve help? I understand not knowing what to do.. you start to feel hopeless and like if it hasn't worked before then you start to think that you don't deserve things when in all actuality you DO deserve.. I say you aren't comfortable because it seems like you want help which can come without medication in my opinion because I am not a big medicine fan myself..I don't think your not happy, but if this is all you've ever known then it may in fact be what you define as happy.. I just would like to see you give someone else a chance at helping you.. not all doctors are the same and personally your doctor should be ashamed for treating you the way he did.. it is his job to listen to you and help you not judge you.. I don't want you to feel like I am judging you because I am not I just want you to think about things before you commit 100% to anything..but as I have said before only YOU know what is right for you so ultimately only you can decide
I agree ^^ my thing is that everyone deserves help and deserves to feel like they are somebody... Pootagirl don't ever feel like your not worthy honey I am like that at some points in time dealing with manic depressive/bipolar. You deserve treatment you deserve to feel happy without cutting yourself and without the vioLent thoughts... I hope things get better with you though please keep us updated
You say you're "happy" and "healthy" just like you are? I would like to repost some of your own words. Maybe if you read them, you'll realize that you are NOT indeed happy this way:
* Although its hell, my 'voices' help me cope and understand things better.
* Get like I was before, cutting everyday, not being able to look Ina mirror, hating myself and everyone else
* Im acting happy despite how I feel....I felt like killing people the day before I left the hospital. I feel like people are evil
* I bang my head to clear things up inside me. I punch the walls so I won't feel so fat b.c of my shadow.
* But I stopped b.c I felt scared and sad and the people inside me, the "voices" protected me, comforted me and they made me feel a little safer. Now that I'm home, I feel more unsafe and open to harm.
Those are just a few. Hon, you're NOT happy or you wouldn't be here trying to figure this out. You keep saying you just need to "work on things", like self exploration. I'm sure you do, but this goes way deeper than that.
The problem is, you believe wholeheartedly that the voices are actually living beings, human, or the like. You talk over and over about the impact they have on you, good and bad...how you feel the urge to please them, to do what they say. How they tell you to do things that will harm you or others, yet you also feel you need them to feel safe. You are in a constant struggle with "them", and that's just one aspect of this.
You sound like an extremely intelligent person with an awful lot of insight into things, however, until you realize that these voices are a symptom, and not people that you have to be accountable for, you aren't going to make any progress, even for yourself, to make YOU happy. The only person you have to be accountable for, to start with, if YOURSELF.
I'll be honest, I'm REALLY wondering what an accurate diagnosis for you is, I feel you may have been misdiagnosed. Typically, people with psychotic illnesses do not have this much insight into their symptoms. I think you have something else going on.
Just give this a thought. Get a TOTALLY new second opinion from a new p-doc. I would even encourage you to print out this thread and bring it with you to your initial consultation. I'm sure it is very hard for you to be honest, because you know that professionals are obligated to protect you, hence the hospitalizations. Have you ever lived for an extended period of time without the voices? My guess is you haven't, only briefly. How old were you when you started noticing them?
Of course we can't be a replacement for real, in person mental health care, which I strongly feel you need, but we CAN offer you support and allow you to see that people care, people are telling you there is a better life for you out there.
I really recommend getting a new opinion. I think you may have been misdiagnosed, which will drastically change the type of treatment you receive, which is perhaps why you haven't had a lot of success in treatment...to where you feel better. My guess is that while you have some kind of disorder with psychotic features, we're not talking about a psychotic illness like schizophrenia, etc.
Keep reading here...keep talking. I know you know this already, but PLEASE, if you get the urge to act on the scary thoughts you have of harming yourself or others, PLEASE seek help immediately. It would be a damn shame if you never had a chance to FIGURE some of this out because something tragic happened.
We're all pulling for you hon! Thank you for being so brutally honest here, I'm sure that cannot be easy! Hugs to you.
I don't feel comfortable sharing why I dont deserve it., but just know I don't. People just assume past things will happen again! My therapist think just b.c I stopped my meds last time and ended up in the hospital, I will this time too!!! It's not fair!!!! And I've known other things, tis isn't all I've known, what I had was false, this is REAL, THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!! No one want to see it, no one else wants this to be the way it is, but you can't change reality right? You can't change fate.
I think my docor wanted to do the whole assertive approach. But he was just yelling. I just started laughing even though I felt like crying inside. Telling me I need to grow up, it's life. In the end he was nice though, like besides the outbursts, haha. And most doctors are the same. They all judge based on what their experience is. It's just typical. So I get used to it. Everyone's a jackass these days!...
Although I do with only ME deciding. I really didn't decide to be hospitalized as I said. I decided to tell the truth which placed me there though. But that want happen again. My nurse is coming today to give me my medicine Ina shot, I'm not going t do it. My doc said either the pills, shot, or I'd end up back in the hospital. I'll take my chances,lol.
Okay, I respect you as a person so I will not press the issue of not deserving things... I think what you are truly searching for is someone to tell you that it is in fact okay to be you just the way you are... I want to tell you something someone once told me my therapist said to me "NO one should ever tell you to just get over something" I feel like this is something you need to hear, never feel like you should just "grow up" because what you are experiencing is very real and it's not something you should just get over or be forced to get over...I think because of what is going on around you hasn't been your choice as far as treatment makes you angry because in a way they are forcing you to change before they accept you just as you are.. Trust me I know how judgmental doctors can be I have been dealing with them all my life and have finally found one who accepts me for me without passing any judgment so they aren't all bad but it can take some time to find those who truly care..I think you deserve to have people care about you and you deserve to have people understand you without passing judgment..I don't know if any of us truly know what our fate is until it happens to us and i definitely don't believe that we as humans should create our own fate so give it time i think everything will work out how you want it to.. I am always here to listen if you need anyone to talk to :)
Hon, you can send me a private message any time. I think you writing the way you feel is a good thing. Of course we're not always going to understand each other, that's what makes us all individuals. You say you hate people, and I know there are a lot of very bad people out there, but hopefully you can see from this thread that there are good people in this world. Look at the wonderful caring responses you have gotten. You have shared some things that a lot of people would find disturbing, yet people are not judging you. And no one here is trying to change you, we only want to help. Unfortunately for you, going on the way you are may lead to disaster and no one wants to see that happen.
Yeh i'm not here judging you,i do care,i'm making my own diagnosis but i dont have the experience,as much as those voices are real to you,they are coming from you,there your thoughts,but you may be lacking certain chemicals in your brain or some sort of damage which casues you to act out and think through other voices speaking to you,the brain is very very powerful,some people do need medication as it can be the only thing that helps,especially with disorders like schizophrenia and paranoid delusions,these voices are telling you to do bad things,and you want to make them happy,in some way your speaking to yourself through these voices in my opinion,in that your wanting to be happy but your very distraught and dont like yourself so your adressing problems through these voices without your control or understanding ive why,you might very well need medication to control these thoughts,then you may need some sort of therapy to retrain your mind and address issues that make you unhappy,dont give up on seeing professionals,do some of your own research and maybe see people who specialize in psychiatric disorders and be open to ideas from others,if one professional says you have to grow up,see someone else,alot of these people arent here to harm you but some may be misdiagnosing you or arent trained in mental health,like the other person said,print this page out and take it to whoever your seeing,try and be as clear as possible about everything your feeling and hearing to whoever you see.
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