Why now?

[damagedmind]

In a nutshell, I am the mother of seven children, married happily for 27 years, loved life, my kids, active, never depressed, and I was very excited about our new home.  Life was pretty much a blessing and I was living what I had always dreamed I would.

The problem or problems - About 18 months ago (Aug - 07)  we had a few things go very wrong with unlicensed contractor (not known to us) that damaged our home and the slope the home was build on.  He paid off city inspectors (bribed) and the project went not inspected for code and voliations for 7 long months. The project was something my husband and I had worked many years to afford. It was our family's dream finally underconstruction.

Due to water leaking under the home from his irrigation line the complete scam was exposed.  The damage he caused us and our home is  so tremendous that we will never likely be made whole again.  The court system is wonderful but, when you are being legally papered to death by insurance company's attorneys with endless checkboook funds and your homeowners insurance turns its back on you…  You are left to live in a broken sick home with lots of children.  

Some of the fall out.
Our home cracking in half, we have mold, foundation of slab sliding down the slope. Construction wise I could go on and on but the key factor is I am concerned about the tremendous mental change I have had both inside and out.  

One of the main concerns is – These behaviors that  never existed in me before and I don’t know how to stop them now that they have begun.

Habits, motions and behaviors.
They scare me and I am too embarrassed to discuss them with anyone.

1. Skin picking and biting – to the hand area, to the knuckles, palm and side of palms.  To the point of serve pain, bleeding, scaring my hands.
2. Tongue motion repetitive to the front bottom teeth. To the point I think I am going to lose my mind. I try to hold the tongue between my teeth to stop it from moving but, I can’t and the motion begins again.
3. Jaw and teeth clenching, day and night – I don't even relized it is tightly clenched until the pain sets in. I have now chipped off the front left top tooth at the bottom. My front top two teeth are now loose and motion can be heard from my tongue moving them.  My tongue also pulls them back mindlessly continuately during the waking hours.
4. Chest and stomach pain that comes and goes.
5. Heart beating motion in my neck and throat
6. Shortness of breath when discussing issues with our home along with dry tongue and mouth.
7. Unable to sleep at night, wanting to sleep if possible during the day. At times I have not slept for 2 day straight.  On an average I sleep about 3 to 4 hours a night.
8. Fear to leave my home or my children
9. Loss of ability to focus on things, I can’t not mentally carry multiple thoughts, paths or ideas anymore.
10. Weight gain of 30 pounds
11. Inability to finish a task and stay a course to complete anything.
12. Loss of desire to get dressed or take pride in my appearance or our home
13. Crying, lots of crying and sadness, even though I know I am blessed and that things could always be worse.
14. Loss of mentally being in the moment or enjoyment in life. My children will be telling me something and the thoughts I have are not of what they are sharing.  They are of the legal case and issues with our home.
15. Nightmares, horrible nightmares that make me scared to let myself go to sleep.  Nightmares deal with the slope folding in on me or the pool shell. The Blackwidow spiders that invaded our empty pool shell.  Of the employees of the city I live in "seeing  me".  Falling into the cement pool shell hole, etc.

I don't like the new me. How can I find the wife, mother and person I used to be.  I can't risk taking any mind dulling drugs because I must  continue to fight this legal battle to save us from drowning?  

Thank you for any help you can offer me,
Damaged Mind, mother of Seven

[lizy620]

How are things going? Any better

[lizy620]

I feel for you as I sit here at 4:45 am unable to sleep  full of anxiety and worry. I hope all goes well for you. You're not alone.

[RubyWitch]

Considering everything you are dealing with, it's no wonder you feel you're going crazy! Every single one of the symptoms you've told us about is symptomatic of anxiety and depression. You are stressed beyond the breaking point and you need to get yourself some help as soon as possible.
PLEASE see your doctor and tell him/her everything you've told us. They may recommend some meds to help you weather this storm and I think it would be a very good idea to seek out some therapy to help you deal with all of this. You definitely need a strong shoulder to lean on right now!
I would also find a lawyer who specializes in the sort of dispute you are in with your contractor! Let them fight this battle for you........
It also sounds to me like your home might not be safe right now. I would strongly urge you to have it inspected! You say you are constantly worried about the pool shell caving in or the slope giving way.........that you have nightmares and can't sleep...........you can't keep living this way!
See your doctor. Have your home inspected for safety. Hire a lawyer.
You are so totally overwhelmed right now...........please get the help you need for the health and safety of you and your children!
Please let us know how you're doing, OK?
Peace
Greenlydia

[jess990]

I understand where you are. 2 years ago we bought our dream home and have had a lot stress associated with that. But what happened to me was going from an outgoing, loving mother, to a wreck, pacing the floor, feeling physically ill all of the time, short fused, everything. I too, don't like to new me. I do therapy and it helps but I keep having setbacks every few weeks or so. I am not sure how this happens or why but I know that it is a journey we are sent on for some reason, one that each of us has to figure out on our own. I don't take any meds, but that is a personal choice for us all. Therapy is very good. Just know that you are not alone and there are thousands of us here to support your and eachother.

[remar]

it sounds like you having extreme anxiety. you have been through so much with this house. is there anything your insurance company can do? what about suing the contractor? you need to take care of yourself first before you can deal with all of that. see your dr. and tell him how your feeling. therapy and or meds might do you a world of good. hang in there and take care. Remar