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Will Lexapro help with jealousy anxiety?
I have recently been diagnosed with anxiety disorder GAD. I started getting attacks after enquiring more into my partners sexual history, which isn't massive, it's just something I shouldn't have looked into so much. I have had something similar in the past, in terms of anxiety, but until now didn't know for sure what it was. I have questioned her on the intimate details of her and her previous relationship and I know things to be true and cannot stop getting
vivid images of my partner with an ex partner and feel I cannot at all control my thoughts everything is so negative, where as before it was positive. I love her intently and trust her to be faithful, however I cannot shake these thoughts and have a constant worry and sick feeling in my stomach from my anxiety and am comparing myself to them in every aspect of our relationship and of course in my mind I am coming off second best. I have a very colourful imagination, especially sexually and felt I was a confident person before this, but it is destroying my confidence and my relationship. I have always felt my anxiety has been laying there, dormant, but this has set it off.
My doctor has prescribed me 10mg Escitalopram (Lexapro) as he feels this will help with dealing with this issue. My partner is doing everything she can to reassure me, but I am so sceptical on everything from my anxiety, it is so hard to take everything as gospel! I am just not stressed about my relationship, but everything else that goes wrong, I worry all the time about money, about work, about the future especially with my partner. I catastrophize everything!
Will Lexapro help provide some clarity?
I am also starting Psychotherapy next week.
Please help, I am at my wits end and know these thoughts shouldn't be impacting me so much, but they are, is it just my condition, will medication provide some clarity for me?
Also, how long does it usually take to see the full effect of Lexapro?
I have been taking it for a little under 2 weeks.
vivid images of my partner with an ex partner and feel I cannot at all control my thoughts everything is so negative, where as before it was positive. I love her intently and trust her to be faithful, however I cannot shake these thoughts and have a constant worry and sick feeling in my stomach from my anxiety and am comparing myself to them in every aspect of our relationship and of course in my mind I am coming off second best. I have a very colourful imagination, especially sexually and felt I was a confident person before this, but it is destroying my confidence and my relationship. I have always felt my anxiety has been laying there, dormant, but this has set it off.
My doctor has prescribed me 10mg Escitalopram (Lexapro) as he feels this will help with dealing with this issue. My partner is doing everything she can to reassure me, but I am so sceptical on everything from my anxiety, it is so hard to take everything as gospel! I am just not stressed about my relationship, but everything else that goes wrong, I worry all the time about money, about work, about the future especially with my partner. I catastrophize everything!
Will Lexapro help provide some clarity?
I am also starting Psychotherapy next week.
Please help, I am at my wits end and know these thoughts shouldn't be impacting me so much, but they are, is it just my condition, will medication provide some clarity for me?
Also, how long does it usually take to see the full effect of Lexapro?
I have been taking it for a little under 2 weeks.
Thanks for the additional info!
The way you describe your thought processes (obsessive, what if kind of thinking) is classic anxiety. My GUESS is, you've always had that history of some anxiety, but this particular situation caused you so much stress, it just became too much to bear.
The good thing is that you realize that overall, she really didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like she followed the path you both agreed upon. Does that mean you shouldn't feel hurt and upset? No way! You have every right to feel that way, I know I would have in that situation. Really, in hindsight, if it was only a few months, and you were both confident in the relationship, there probably shouldn't have been this agreement to ease up on the committment. That just caused confusion.
From the way you tell the entire story, I really think your GF is totally committed to only YOU. She has stopped seeing the other man, and to be honest, it sounds like at the most, they had developed a bit of a friendship, with not too much else. Her seeing him again was the right thing to do, and you should be proud that your GF is a kind enough and caring person who wouldn't just blow someone off or leave them hanging. She gave their short friendship an ending point and didn't lead him on. Doing that in person is the grown up mature thing to do, which is exactly what she did.
You have a low self esteem (anxiety's best friend), and your anxiety is causing you to overanalyze and catastrophize. You're not actually questioning or doubting your relationship, but rather, you are doubting yourself. That's what you will work on. You are projecting your own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem onto the relationship, when THAT is actually for the most part, pretty solid. That's all very normal.
Moving forward with anxiety treatment is absolutely the right thing to do, and you'll see that in a few months, you'll feel MUCH better about all of this...not to mention, you will feel much more content in every other part of your life as well. Don't beat yourself up for feeling hurt when you came home to discover she had casually dated someone else, anyone would be upset by that. That led you to spiral out of control with your anxiety. You'll get to a better place, and probably as a result, have an even better understanding of how committed your GF is.
Remind yourself that anxiety is usually not rational. While your feelings are very real, the things you're worried about are largely unwarranted at this point. The fact that you recognize that is great. Recognizing it is one thing, but changing it is another, it's not easy and won't happen overnight. Just be patient with yourself while you start getting some help for your issues.
I'll be anxious to see your updates!
The way you describe your thought processes (obsessive, what if kind of thinking) is classic anxiety. My GUESS is, you've always had that history of some anxiety, but this particular situation caused you so much stress, it just became too much to bear.
The good thing is that you realize that overall, she really didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like she followed the path you both agreed upon. Does that mean you shouldn't feel hurt and upset? No way! You have every right to feel that way, I know I would have in that situation. Really, in hindsight, if it was only a few months, and you were both confident in the relationship, there probably shouldn't have been this agreement to ease up on the committment. That just caused confusion.
From the way you tell the entire story, I really think your GF is totally committed to only YOU. She has stopped seeing the other man, and to be honest, it sounds like at the most, they had developed a bit of a friendship, with not too much else. Her seeing him again was the right thing to do, and you should be proud that your GF is a kind enough and caring person who wouldn't just blow someone off or leave them hanging. She gave their short friendship an ending point and didn't lead him on. Doing that in person is the grown up mature thing to do, which is exactly what she did.
You have a low self esteem (anxiety's best friend), and your anxiety is causing you to overanalyze and catastrophize. You're not actually questioning or doubting your relationship, but rather, you are doubting yourself. That's what you will work on. You are projecting your own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem onto the relationship, when THAT is actually for the most part, pretty solid. That's all very normal.
Moving forward with anxiety treatment is absolutely the right thing to do, and you'll see that in a few months, you'll feel MUCH better about all of this...not to mention, you will feel much more content in every other part of your life as well. Don't beat yourself up for feeling hurt when you came home to discover she had casually dated someone else, anyone would be upset by that. That led you to spiral out of control with your anxiety. You'll get to a better place, and probably as a result, have an even better understanding of how committed your GF is.
Remind yourself that anxiety is usually not rational. While your feelings are very real, the things you're worried about are largely unwarranted at this point. The fact that you recognize that is great. Recognizing it is one thing, but changing it is another, it's not easy and won't happen overnight. Just be patient with yourself while you start getting some help for your issues.
I'll be anxious to see your updates!
Hi there,
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Thanks!
Stephanie
MedHelp does not allow the posting of email addresses to protect your safety. It is the internet and we can't guarantee that other people won't see the email address.
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Thanks!
Stephanie
hi
This is Lauras boyfriend. I would really like to discuss things but would prefer not to do it on a forum is there any other way we could be in contact?
thanks
This is Lauras boyfriend. I would really like to discuss things but would prefer not to do it on a forum is there any other way we could be in contact?
thanks
Hi Laura,
Thanks for reaching out to me, I am sincerely appreciative that my story has been able to shed even a little hope on your situation.
It is hard if he is experiencing the depressive lows and euphoric highs, it's so temperamental and for him so convoluted in his mind, one moment he would feel good, but as he would be so attune with your emotions just as much his own, he would over analyse your reactions, question them, interrogate them in his mind, to the point that they almost feel real and react to them as such and go from feeling good to depressingly low.
It is a very emotional subject for me, it really is about a holistic approach to this, there really isn't any one way to tackle the situation. Firstly he has done the right thing in seeking treatment, definitely the best thing he can do, he CANNOT give up on this... I don't think you mentioned he is taking medication, although this may be a daunting avenue, it was something amazing beneficial for me. You're right, I am very determined in my approach, but I acted quickly and I understood it as much as I could, so I could beat it. He has been dealing with this for years, so I can imagine he feels helpless at times. With medication, it took about 6 weeks to implement the full effect, but it helped immensely, immensely. It provided clarity, rationality but didn't completely suppress the beast, but certainly kept it at bay and gave me the motivation to help understand and tackle it without the emotion.
You say he has no hope for medication, I am not sure whether you mean he is on it and feels it is not working or feels it will not work if he starts taking it?
I will be honest, my partner and I have separated now, but we are amazing friends and keep in contact on a weekly basis and we both strongly feel this is a stepping stone on the path tot he future we seek in our hearts with one another as I have come to learn that it is not so much a relationship issue, it is a physiological journey and one that you CAN beat and will beat if you keep at it and there is no reason at all that everything you wanted before can't come back and fall perfectly into place.
The hardest part for me was and I am sure it is for him also, watching it change my partner, feeling this uncontrollable guilt seeing her start to treat me differently, abrupt, temperamental and irrational. It really does make things more difficult, as you're both having to curb your emotions for each other, faking being happy, when they're sad, and it is absolutely exhausting.
We have taken the time apart, as we both felt it necessary to go away, focus on ourselves and fix our own demons and stop trying to nurture each others.
I can only strongly suggest that you need to try and persevere and refrain from acting irrationally, abusing or attacking his anxiety. I can understand better than most how infuriating it can be, but you really need to make a conscious effort, dig deep, remove yourself from the situation if you have to before saying malicious things, I know that in the moment they can alleviate pressure from your shoulders, but it pushes it straight onto his and vise versa. I would strongly encourage you to see someone too, it will give you validation to your own thoughts, it will give you a professional insight into how you're feeling and how he is feeling. I am in Australia, I cannot comment on the medical health system where you're from, I could imagine it could make things difficult if the resources are hard, but don't give up, you can't neither can he, this is something that can apply to both of you. I am more than happy to answer any questions for you both. I think it would be incredibly refreshing for him to have a chat to me, explain what he is feeling because at the end of the day you cannot completely understand what he is going through, neither can I as everyone has their own journey, but I know when you get good constructive guidance and advice, not opinions, but just a helping hand, some one to give you that little nudge, what seems like a mountain can become a mole hill. The biggest tool for me was medication, it was rough at the start especially with my emotions, I felt apathetic and just impartial to everything, felt I had no humour, no personality, just floating in limbo, but once I accepted it, my body adjusted and things were great. With my partner and I, we were good toward the end, we were definitely working things out, but we felt that the passion was a little smothered and that things had changed and felt that rather than fighting for something that might not be right in that moment, we knew 100% that there was something there in the future and made the decision to salvage what we had and not turn down a road of possible resentment which would inevitably destroy us, or so we presume.
Laura, seriously, ask me anything and I encourage your partner to read this, i'd love to speak to him as I know how paramount this thread was to my recovery. P.s - my response may be a little scattered, it was sort of a brainstorming expression at the typed. If you are unsure of anything, just ask and I will explain the best I can!
Hope to hear from you soon, Laura.
Nathan.
Thanks for reaching out to me, I am sincerely appreciative that my story has been able to shed even a little hope on your situation.
It is hard if he is experiencing the depressive lows and euphoric highs, it's so temperamental and for him so convoluted in his mind, one moment he would feel good, but as he would be so attune with your emotions just as much his own, he would over analyse your reactions, question them, interrogate them in his mind, to the point that they almost feel real and react to them as such and go from feeling good to depressingly low.
It is a very emotional subject for me, it really is about a holistic approach to this, there really isn't any one way to tackle the situation. Firstly he has done the right thing in seeking treatment, definitely the best thing he can do, he CANNOT give up on this... I don't think you mentioned he is taking medication, although this may be a daunting avenue, it was something amazing beneficial for me. You're right, I am very determined in my approach, but I acted quickly and I understood it as much as I could, so I could beat it. He has been dealing with this for years, so I can imagine he feels helpless at times. With medication, it took about 6 weeks to implement the full effect, but it helped immensely, immensely. It provided clarity, rationality but didn't completely suppress the beast, but certainly kept it at bay and gave me the motivation to help understand and tackle it without the emotion.
You say he has no hope for medication, I am not sure whether you mean he is on it and feels it is not working or feels it will not work if he starts taking it?
I will be honest, my partner and I have separated now, but we are amazing friends and keep in contact on a weekly basis and we both strongly feel this is a stepping stone on the path tot he future we seek in our hearts with one another as I have come to learn that it is not so much a relationship issue, it is a physiological journey and one that you CAN beat and will beat if you keep at it and there is no reason at all that everything you wanted before can't come back and fall perfectly into place.
The hardest part for me was and I am sure it is for him also, watching it change my partner, feeling this uncontrollable guilt seeing her start to treat me differently, abrupt, temperamental and irrational. It really does make things more difficult, as you're both having to curb your emotions for each other, faking being happy, when they're sad, and it is absolutely exhausting.
We have taken the time apart, as we both felt it necessary to go away, focus on ourselves and fix our own demons and stop trying to nurture each others.
I can only strongly suggest that you need to try and persevere and refrain from acting irrationally, abusing or attacking his anxiety. I can understand better than most how infuriating it can be, but you really need to make a conscious effort, dig deep, remove yourself from the situation if you have to before saying malicious things, I know that in the moment they can alleviate pressure from your shoulders, but it pushes it straight onto his and vise versa. I would strongly encourage you to see someone too, it will give you validation to your own thoughts, it will give you a professional insight into how you're feeling and how he is feeling. I am in Australia, I cannot comment on the medical health system where you're from, I could imagine it could make things difficult if the resources are hard, but don't give up, you can't neither can he, this is something that can apply to both of you. I am more than happy to answer any questions for you both. I think it would be incredibly refreshing for him to have a chat to me, explain what he is feeling because at the end of the day you cannot completely understand what he is going through, neither can I as everyone has their own journey, but I know when you get good constructive guidance and advice, not opinions, but just a helping hand, some one to give you that little nudge, what seems like a mountain can become a mole hill. The biggest tool for me was medication, it was rough at the start especially with my emotions, I felt apathetic and just impartial to everything, felt I had no humour, no personality, just floating in limbo, but once I accepted it, my body adjusted and things were great. With my partner and I, we were good toward the end, we were definitely working things out, but we felt that the passion was a little smothered and that things had changed and felt that rather than fighting for something that might not be right in that moment, we knew 100% that there was something there in the future and made the decision to salvage what we had and not turn down a road of possible resentment which would inevitably destroy us, or so we presume.
Laura, seriously, ask me anything and I encourage your partner to read this, i'd love to speak to him as I know how paramount this thread was to my recovery. P.s - my response may be a little scattered, it was sort of a brainstorming expression at the typed. If you are unsure of anything, just ask and I will explain the best I can!
Hope to hear from you soon, Laura.
Nathan.
1 Comments
Hi Nathan, I wonder did you resolve your jealousy on long term? Are you still taking medication for your anxiety?
Hi Nathan,
I was wondering how you are doing? I have come across this thread when searching for help for my boyfriend. He sounds exactly the same (probably worse).
We have been together 10 months and although not long, we became very serious very quckly. My boyfriend has suffered from GAD for years. Earlier it took the form of being anxious that the sun would explode when he went to sleep, so not sleeping. He has had periods of his life bordering agraphobia and he played computer games for the majority of the day for a 12month period because it was the only thing to shut out the worries . Now his anxiety has focused itself on my past relationships.
I love him to pieces and constantly reassure him that I want him. We are in a bad situation as we met thrugh mutual males friends and I have a history with several of them. I also cheated on my ex. I am not proud of my past and am working through my own self-asteem issues. He has vivid images like you describe above. They take over and turn everything negative. He says he trusts me and I have never done anything for him to doubt me. When he is 'lucid' he tells me how amazing I am and how much he appeciates me sticking around. It has been very hard.
When the negative thoughts and images take over (which is the majority of the time) it scares me. He doesn't want a social life, has no hope for medication and therapy and blames me because in his head it is my fault he feels like this. We have raging arguments. I try to keep as calm as possible but with helping him through his issues, he just reminds me of all the things I regret and it puts me down. I feel horrible about myself. He has also done horrible things in the past so it is hard to stomach being put down when he has done the same.
At the start we referred to it as a jelousy problem but I know now its the form his anxiety has taken. How you describe the vivid images is exactly the same. In hindsight I was maybe too open with him. I told him EVERYTHING about my past relationships but it has just fed his anxiety more.
I am posting tonight because I love him to pieces and want to have a future together. He is seeking help but in my eyes not doing enough. I take this as he can't care enough but deep down I know it is his anxiety (and now depression) that is stopping him. He is so scared to let go of the feelings in case he gets more hurt. The horrible thing about this is that his feelings are destroying us. Medical help is hard to get with very long waiting lists for psychologists. As he has been going to his GP for years he has lost all hope.
I was hoping someone could give us some hope. He is making me an angry and jelous person too. I am being severly affected (long term sick leave from work, left my friends/ family behind). He says he would never tell me to not do something but his behaviour is still controlling. Our arguments have gone too far and I have hit him. He pushed me over this morning after I said something nasty. It was a line that I had set in my head that I couldn't take anymore if he got physical abusive. I have said I need a break. I am so scared for what the future will hold with him but at the same time if he could overcome his issues, I know it would be an amazing relationship. It is hard to know how much you can help someone.
Anyway, I just wondered how your treatment was going and wanted to contact because to date we haven't spoken to anyone who understands and has overcome the problem. He knows his behaviour is irrational but at the same time, as nursegirl said, he has got reason to worry because of my past. However, his worry is way out of control.
It sounds like you are focused on getting better, which is amazing. I wish I could borrow some of your determination for my boyfriend.
I am so worried about him, love him and want to be with him. I would never, ever hurt him. Please can anyone help?
Laura
I was wondering how you are doing? I have come across this thread when searching for help for my boyfriend. He sounds exactly the same (probably worse).
We have been together 10 months and although not long, we became very serious very quckly. My boyfriend has suffered from GAD for years. Earlier it took the form of being anxious that the sun would explode when he went to sleep, so not sleeping. He has had periods of his life bordering agraphobia and he played computer games for the majority of the day for a 12month period because it was the only thing to shut out the worries . Now his anxiety has focused itself on my past relationships.
I love him to pieces and constantly reassure him that I want him. We are in a bad situation as we met thrugh mutual males friends and I have a history with several of them. I also cheated on my ex. I am not proud of my past and am working through my own self-asteem issues. He has vivid images like you describe above. They take over and turn everything negative. He says he trusts me and I have never done anything for him to doubt me. When he is 'lucid' he tells me how amazing I am and how much he appeciates me sticking around. It has been very hard.
When the negative thoughts and images take over (which is the majority of the time) it scares me. He doesn't want a social life, has no hope for medication and therapy and blames me because in his head it is my fault he feels like this. We have raging arguments. I try to keep as calm as possible but with helping him through his issues, he just reminds me of all the things I regret and it puts me down. I feel horrible about myself. He has also done horrible things in the past so it is hard to stomach being put down when he has done the same.
At the start we referred to it as a jelousy problem but I know now its the form his anxiety has taken. How you describe the vivid images is exactly the same. In hindsight I was maybe too open with him. I told him EVERYTHING about my past relationships but it has just fed his anxiety more.
I am posting tonight because I love him to pieces and want to have a future together. He is seeking help but in my eyes not doing enough. I take this as he can't care enough but deep down I know it is his anxiety (and now depression) that is stopping him. He is so scared to let go of the feelings in case he gets more hurt. The horrible thing about this is that his feelings are destroying us. Medical help is hard to get with very long waiting lists for psychologists. As he has been going to his GP for years he has lost all hope.
I was hoping someone could give us some hope. He is making me an angry and jelous person too. I am being severly affected (long term sick leave from work, left my friends/ family behind). He says he would never tell me to not do something but his behaviour is still controlling. Our arguments have gone too far and I have hit him. He pushed me over this morning after I said something nasty. It was a line that I had set in my head that I couldn't take anymore if he got physical abusive. I have said I need a break. I am so scared for what the future will hold with him but at the same time if he could overcome his issues, I know it would be an amazing relationship. It is hard to know how much you can help someone.
Anyway, I just wondered how your treatment was going and wanted to contact because to date we haven't spoken to anyone who understands and has overcome the problem. He knows his behaviour is irrational but at the same time, as nursegirl said, he has got reason to worry because of my past. However, his worry is way out of control.
It sounds like you are focused on getting better, which is amazing. I wish I could borrow some of your determination for my boyfriend.
I am so worried about him, love him and want to be with him. I would never, ever hurt him. Please can anyone help?
Laura
HI again Nathan!
The dulling of your emotions isn't too terribly uncommon with a med like Lexapro, but it's a tad early to make any judgement calls. The important thing to focus on is that the med IS helping the intrusive thoughts and your overall anxiety level. I think you're still somewhat in the overanalyzing mode...which is why the way you feel is so troublesome to you...you're overthinking it. Just give this ALL some time. Definitely NO internet searching. Give the med time, and then you'll have to give therapy some time too.
I disagree with the doc on waiting. I don't see any reason why you couldn't get therapy started now. Obviously, if there is a comfort level about exploring something, then you just have to communicate that to the therapist. A good therapist will tailor your treatment based on how you're doing and what you need at the moment.
Glad to hear you're seeing progress...keep us updated!
The dulling of your emotions isn't too terribly uncommon with a med like Lexapro, but it's a tad early to make any judgement calls. The important thing to focus on is that the med IS helping the intrusive thoughts and your overall anxiety level. I think you're still somewhat in the overanalyzing mode...which is why the way you feel is so troublesome to you...you're overthinking it. Just give this ALL some time. Definitely NO internet searching. Give the med time, and then you'll have to give therapy some time too.
I disagree with the doc on waiting. I don't see any reason why you couldn't get therapy started now. Obviously, if there is a comfort level about exploring something, then you just have to communicate that to the therapist. A good therapist will tailor your treatment based on how you're doing and what you need at the moment.
Glad to hear you're seeing progress...keep us updated!
Hi Nursegirl,
Thank you so much for all your help so far, you truly have helped to provide so much clarity to my thoughts and help me understand my emotions to better myself. So thank you so much.
It has been a little over a month since I started taking Citalopram Lexapro.
I started on 10mg and continued on that for close to a month, I felt relief, however, it was kind of dabbling in the good some days and in the bad other days. I rescheduled with my doctor and he felt that it is very common that the dose needs to be revamped and put me onto 20mg.
I have been on this for close to 2 weeks, and am finding relief, my thoughts are not as negative and when they are, they're more fleeting thoughts, rather than dwelling, but do come back and I still think about them regularly, but my reactions emotionally are nothing even in comparison to what they used to be, same with physically, however there are some heavy side effects which I am experiencing... I feel apathetic to everything, I think a certain thing and know I feel it, but I don't. Most concerning is knowing I love my girlfriend wholeheartedly, I look at her and think, she's so amazingly adorable, so special and I love her.... but nothing, no feeling, not good, not bad, nothing. Before it was only like one or two days in 2 months, now and then, which I learnt was depersonalisation, my body trying to stop the constant worry and thoughts and I stressed about that when it happened until researching it to find it normal. Not feeling anything toward her is only an example, it affects everything. I feel no love towards my family, I feel I am not attracted to her or anyone, I feel shallow because I am not overly aroused, I am vacant, lifeless and feel I have no care in the world physically, but still have all these racing thoughts, like "I know I love her, why don't I feel it, I know I am attracted to her, why don't I feel it, I know I love my dad, why don't I feel it, it is quite scary, and my mind tries to find a reason, but it fights between positive things and negative things. Would it be that my dose is maybe a little to high, is there perhaps something that doesn't lower my dopamine levels so I still feel emotion as it is driving a huge wedge between my girlfriend and I and to be honest, me and my emotions, it has only started since I taking Lexapro. Everything kind of feels like just an object to me, no attachment, no nothing. I have not yet started counselling, I spoke to my doctor about cognitive behavioural therapy, he said it is a great idea, however at the present time and how I am, it may be very confronting and suggests I wait till I see him in under a month and take it from there, I haven't yet spoken to him about this detachment, as I have not seen him since upping my dose. I guess I am writing to you to get some guidance of what you think I should do, should I down my dose, should I tapper off, is there an alternative drug I could lean toward? I really am not sure what is worse, this emptiness or the anxiety, I know I can work toward getting rid of it and finding an equal medium. I feel I constantly need to talk about my feelings to my girlfriend and just to myself to let me know I still feel the way I am thinking, but then my thoughts obviously stray and take me down a negative path and I have to pull myself back, which I can, for now as I am very strong minded, but it scares me that it might take hold. This has only started since taking the Citalopram so I can tell myself, that is all it is.... but it is very scary for both my girlfriend and I. Please help!
Kind Regards,
Nathan
Thank you so much for all your help so far, you truly have helped to provide so much clarity to my thoughts and help me understand my emotions to better myself. So thank you so much.
It has been a little over a month since I started taking Citalopram Lexapro.
I started on 10mg and continued on that for close to a month, I felt relief, however, it was kind of dabbling in the good some days and in the bad other days. I rescheduled with my doctor and he felt that it is very common that the dose needs to be revamped and put me onto 20mg.
I have been on this for close to 2 weeks, and am finding relief, my thoughts are not as negative and when they are, they're more fleeting thoughts, rather than dwelling, but do come back and I still think about them regularly, but my reactions emotionally are nothing even in comparison to what they used to be, same with physically, however there are some heavy side effects which I am experiencing... I feel apathetic to everything, I think a certain thing and know I feel it, but I don't. Most concerning is knowing I love my girlfriend wholeheartedly, I look at her and think, she's so amazingly adorable, so special and I love her.... but nothing, no feeling, not good, not bad, nothing. Before it was only like one or two days in 2 months, now and then, which I learnt was depersonalisation, my body trying to stop the constant worry and thoughts and I stressed about that when it happened until researching it to find it normal. Not feeling anything toward her is only an example, it affects everything. I feel no love towards my family, I feel I am not attracted to her or anyone, I feel shallow because I am not overly aroused, I am vacant, lifeless and feel I have no care in the world physically, but still have all these racing thoughts, like "I know I love her, why don't I feel it, I know I am attracted to her, why don't I feel it, I know I love my dad, why don't I feel it, it is quite scary, and my mind tries to find a reason, but it fights between positive things and negative things. Would it be that my dose is maybe a little to high, is there perhaps something that doesn't lower my dopamine levels so I still feel emotion as it is driving a huge wedge between my girlfriend and I and to be honest, me and my emotions, it has only started since I taking Lexapro. Everything kind of feels like just an object to me, no attachment, no nothing. I have not yet started counselling, I spoke to my doctor about cognitive behavioural therapy, he said it is a great idea, however at the present time and how I am, it may be very confronting and suggests I wait till I see him in under a month and take it from there, I haven't yet spoken to him about this detachment, as I have not seen him since upping my dose. I guess I am writing to you to get some guidance of what you think I should do, should I down my dose, should I tapper off, is there an alternative drug I could lean toward? I really am not sure what is worse, this emptiness or the anxiety, I know I can work toward getting rid of it and finding an equal medium. I feel I constantly need to talk about my feelings to my girlfriend and just to myself to let me know I still feel the way I am thinking, but then my thoughts obviously stray and take me down a negative path and I have to pull myself back, which I can, for now as I am very strong minded, but it scares me that it might take hold. This has only started since taking the Citalopram so I can tell myself, that is all it is.... but it is very scary for both my girlfriend and I. Please help!
Kind Regards,
Nathan
It sounds to me, in your response, that you have a depression problem which has turned into an anxiety problem, very common. The Lexapro may very well help with this, but as Nursegirl and I are saying, the drug won't solve the underlying issue, so what we're saying isn't that you can't get better at all, it's that you can but the drug won't solve the problem, it'll just make you feel better if it works. Which is great, but don't stop there -- keep trying to find the source of your underlying insecurity. Good luck.
There's a good chance the Lexapro will help, I know it's easier said than done, but try not to overly focus on the medication day to day. Just get yourself started, buy a book, and start working to limit the compulsions (like the repeated reassurance from your GF), and with the professional help, you'll be on your way.
On one hand, your reaction to what has transpired is normal...especially the fact that she slept with the other guy after you two got back together, who wouldn't be upset anout that? You have every right to be! It's just that your anxiety and thought processes are making this a million times harder than it has to be, and like you said, you are just not able to stop the thinking processes, which is constant with anxiety.
I personally think that you will do very well, both with the med, and the therapy. Just remember, ALL of this takes time. Your way of thinking has not just occured, it's been around for a while from what you've said, so it's going to take time to learn how to change that thinking pattern and the way you react to situations.
I think you would be dealing with this regardless of the trigger. If you had gotten fired at work, I think you would be having the same issues, catastrophizing, worrying, ruminating, obsessive thoughts as you are with your GF. The anxiety response would be the same regardless of the situation.
I don't view this as a relationship issue as much as it is an issue with YOU, your anxiety, your self esteem, etc. All of that can be worked on. That's not to say that there aren't some things to resolve in your relationship too, but primarily, right now, the main issue is your overreaction to the situation and inability to move forward. Hang in there, try to stay busy...the more you sit around and think, the worse you will feel!
On one hand, your reaction to what has transpired is normal...especially the fact that she slept with the other guy after you two got back together, who wouldn't be upset anout that? You have every right to be! It's just that your anxiety and thought processes are making this a million times harder than it has to be, and like you said, you are just not able to stop the thinking processes, which is constant with anxiety.
I personally think that you will do very well, both with the med, and the therapy. Just remember, ALL of this takes time. Your way of thinking has not just occured, it's been around for a while from what you've said, so it's going to take time to learn how to change that thinking pattern and the way you react to situations.
I think you would be dealing with this regardless of the trigger. If you had gotten fired at work, I think you would be having the same issues, catastrophizing, worrying, ruminating, obsessive thoughts as you are with your GF. The anxiety response would be the same regardless of the situation.
I don't view this as a relationship issue as much as it is an issue with YOU, your anxiety, your self esteem, etc. All of that can be worked on. That's not to say that there aren't some things to resolve in your relationship too, but primarily, right now, the main issue is your overreaction to the situation and inability to move forward. Hang in there, try to stay busy...the more you sit around and think, the worse you will feel!
Hi midnite , I think the answer to your question is YES , if the Lexapro works for you , you will feel less agitated about everything. It's a lot easier to see things clearly when you are not overwhelmed with anxiety. Hang in there , give it a few more weeks.
But that's the thing, I do worry about everything else. My work, my finances, my self image, my life, my future and its not positive..
I know she loves me and wants to be with me. I believe her when she tells me, because its how she shows me. I just feel like I'm not good enough for her, like I'm worthless. I am finding it hard to feel good about myself. I love her and tell her regularly and it shows through sometimes but then I get this downward spiraling thoughts, my body goes numb and I cannot breath and its last for days and I cannot stop criticizing myself. Of course this issue is a focus as its the one thing that matters most to me. It's just hard to stop comparing myself, imagining vivid images and being destructive.
To say I don't have anxiety because your experiences differ, is like saying I cannot overcome it, because you or someone else couldn't. I have to remain strong and am just seeking advice from professionals to give me the tools to overcome this, because she means to much to me to lose over feeling someone is better than me when she reassures me they're not.
I just want to know if medication would provide some anxiety relief to rationally think about this?
I know she loves me and wants to be with me. I believe her when she tells me, because its how she shows me. I just feel like I'm not good enough for her, like I'm worthless. I am finding it hard to feel good about myself. I love her and tell her regularly and it shows through sometimes but then I get this downward spiraling thoughts, my body goes numb and I cannot breath and its last for days and I cannot stop criticizing myself. Of course this issue is a focus as its the one thing that matters most to me. It's just hard to stop comparing myself, imagining vivid images and being destructive.
To say I don't have anxiety because your experiences differ, is like saying I cannot overcome it, because you or someone else couldn't. I have to remain strong and am just seeking advice from professionals to give me the tools to overcome this, because she means to much to me to lose over feeling someone is better than me when she reassures me they're not.
I just want to know if medication would provide some anxiety relief to rationally think about this?
But that's the thing, I do worry about everything else. My work, my finances, my self image, my life, my future and its not positive..
I know she loves me and wants to be with me. I believe her when she tells me, because its how she shows me. I just feel like I'm not good enough for her, like I'm worthless. I am finding it hard to feel good about myself. I love her and tell her regularly and it shows through sometimes but then I get this downward spiraling thoughts, my body goes numb and I cannot breath and its last for days and I cannot stop criticizing myself. Of course this issue is a focus as its the one thing that matters most to me. It's just hard to stop comparing myself, imagining vivid images and being destructive.
To say I don't have anxiety because your experiences differ, is like saying I cannot overcome it, because you or someone else couldn't. I have to remain strong and am just seeking advice from professionals to give me the tools to overcome this, because she means to much to me to lose over feeling someone is better than me when she reassures me they're not.
I just want to know if medication would provide some anxiety relief to rationally think about this?
I know she loves me and wants to be with me. I believe her when she tells me, because its how she shows me. I just feel like I'm not good enough for her, like I'm worthless. I am finding it hard to feel good about myself. I love her and tell her regularly and it shows through sometimes but then I get this downward spiraling thoughts, my body goes numb and I cannot breath and its last for days and I cannot stop criticizing myself. Of course this issue is a focus as its the one thing that matters most to me. It's just hard to stop comparing myself, imagining vivid images and being destructive.
To say I don't have anxiety because your experiences differ, is like saying I cannot overcome it, because you or someone else couldn't. I have to remain strong and am just seeking advice from professionals to give me the tools to overcome this, because she means to much to me to lose over feeling someone is better than me when she reassures me they're not.
I just want to know if medication would provide some anxiety relief to rationally think about this?
I suffer from this as well. I don't know if you actually have GAD, it doesn't sound like it since you're focusing largely on a problem with relationships and your lack of self esteem in them, but there could be more to it than that. GAD is when you're afraid of things in general to such an extent you limit your life and the things you do. It doesn't apply to lack of confidence in relationships. Lexapro might help you feel better, but it won't answer any questions about the true nature of her feelings for you or yours for her or why this has bothered you to the extent it has. Can't tell you what to do, that's up to you, but if how you're handling the relationship problem is the real main problem you need to find out what your issues are and get past them, and no medication has been invented that will do that.
*She was intimate with him, then told him in person shortly after that she liked another person, me, which she had told him about at the start she says*
When I say she saw him after her and I were intimate, she was sexually intimate with him also when she saw him, I didn't specify that. She says she intended to stop seeing him before I returned, But as I surprised her, it didn't seem that way. She says she was only seeing him as an emotional crotch I guess you could call it until I got back, I guess it's just hard to swallow seeing as how I returned it happened once more. But, she says she feels awful for it. I want this to go back to how it was, our relationship was perfect before I left and now returning and dealing with these struggles with my anxiety and the constant vivid images and the worst part is the deep seeded sickness and racing heart that follows. I guess I am asking, will the medication help with this? Of course, I am not looking for this as a permanent measure as I am a very strong minded person and feel if it just helped ease things off a bit and gave me a chance to see through the physical pain and negativity, I could. I do beat myself up that I cannot handle this alone, but it just got to much. I had tried for 3 months to get over it without medication, I know that in itself shows testament that we both want this... As it hasn't been easy for her, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Sorry to go on, it's just so hard to see the light at the end if the tunnel, sometimes it all becomes dark and I guess you're the only person who has now given me some hope...
Sorry to go on, it's just so hard to see the light at the end if the tunnel, sometimes it all becomes dark and I guess you're the only person who has now given me some hope...
I should add, I also go out and about and compare myself to everyone, wondering what he looks like, wonder whether a certain person looks like him etc... This was much more severe at the start, and has dies down, but it is still there and I avoid certain situations where there are a lot of people so I do not have to think about it so much. Everyone I spoke to agree it is NOT a good idea to see the person, but it does cross my mind a lot, whether it would be, usually when my anxiety gets just too much. I have had my partner reassure me I am much better looking and am anything and everything she would look for in a man and that person was nothing, but I find myself doubting and questioning her and myself. I mean before this, I was very confident, felt I was an attractive well presented young man and never threatened by anyone, but, once I started feeling sick inside, everything just turned negative and am just destructive toward everything.
Wow, thankyou so much Nursegirl6572 for that very comprehensive response! It really does give me hope, because I truly do love this person and want a life with them and a family, it is prospect we had often spoken about.
I feel I should tell you a little bit more about my history with my partner to help you understand as to why I am feeling like I am.
My partner and I were seeing each other for close to 9 months during which time I was planning a 10 month trip around South and Central America and embarked on this trip after the 9 months. We were very much in love and it was a hard decision to leave, however it is something I needed to do for myself. We felt it was best if we stayed in touch, but were not together as it might cause tension in our relationship. I was planning on coming home 1 month earlier and surprising her, she had contacted me and was telling me she was lonely and she missed me and couldn't wait for me to return.
I was under the impression she was not seeing anyone and that my surprising her would be a great thing for both of us. It turns out she was seeing someone only casually, for the previous 2 months and after I had returned home and surprised her, we saw each other and were intimate, she saw him once more after we had been intimate (This was all within the week of me returning) and felt terrible and through a sequence of events of me noticing changes, I found out by asking her. I know we were not together and I totally appreciate that, but felt a little humiliated and in a way betrayed almost by myself and her a little that I knew her so well and could not recognise her to be seeing anyone else as her emotions to me were so strong. It was from this point that my anxiety began I felt constantly sick, images of her with another man, was he better than me, was he better looking than me, it spiraled down, I questioned everything, why she had to see him after me etc... I know we were not together and I made a huge deal out of this, I am assuming because of my anxiety, when I think about it I feel terribly sick to my stomach and dwell on the thoughts for days at a time. I feel that without this anxiety, I would be able to handle this so much better and rationally think, but then it questions my mind, is this a normal feeling as i have never had it before, to this extent. I mean I have been jealous, but to obsess over it this much, to catastrophize and think our relationship and our future is in jeopardy from this person, even though I have constant and sincere reassurance from my partner that I am better for her in ever way shape and form and that I am the person she wants to marry, to have a life with, to have children with. I believe her, but my thoughts spiral into negativeness and it is ruining her self esteem. Does this to you sound like normal behaviour, or that of someone that suffers from anxiety. I feel that if I did not overreact like I did, I could deal with it, but then again am I overreacting, it like this negative spiral in my head.
I know I should feel a little jealous, but not to this extent...
I just need some guidance as this anxiety is such a scary thing and it has impacted my entire life, I do not want to go to work, I no longer enjoy activities. Perhaps I have some depression there also?
I feel I should tell you a little bit more about my history with my partner to help you understand as to why I am feeling like I am.
My partner and I were seeing each other for close to 9 months during which time I was planning a 10 month trip around South and Central America and embarked on this trip after the 9 months. We were very much in love and it was a hard decision to leave, however it is something I needed to do for myself. We felt it was best if we stayed in touch, but were not together as it might cause tension in our relationship. I was planning on coming home 1 month earlier and surprising her, she had contacted me and was telling me she was lonely and she missed me and couldn't wait for me to return.
I was under the impression she was not seeing anyone and that my surprising her would be a great thing for both of us. It turns out she was seeing someone only casually, for the previous 2 months and after I had returned home and surprised her, we saw each other and were intimate, she saw him once more after we had been intimate (This was all within the week of me returning) and felt terrible and through a sequence of events of me noticing changes, I found out by asking her. I know we were not together and I totally appreciate that, but felt a little humiliated and in a way betrayed almost by myself and her a little that I knew her so well and could not recognise her to be seeing anyone else as her emotions to me were so strong. It was from this point that my anxiety began I felt constantly sick, images of her with another man, was he better than me, was he better looking than me, it spiraled down, I questioned everything, why she had to see him after me etc... I know we were not together and I made a huge deal out of this, I am assuming because of my anxiety, when I think about it I feel terribly sick to my stomach and dwell on the thoughts for days at a time. I feel that without this anxiety, I would be able to handle this so much better and rationally think, but then it questions my mind, is this a normal feeling as i have never had it before, to this extent. I mean I have been jealous, but to obsess over it this much, to catastrophize and think our relationship and our future is in jeopardy from this person, even though I have constant and sincere reassurance from my partner that I am better for her in ever way shape and form and that I am the person she wants to marry, to have a life with, to have children with. I believe her, but my thoughts spiral into negativeness and it is ruining her self esteem. Does this to you sound like normal behaviour, or that of someone that suffers from anxiety. I feel that if I did not overreact like I did, I could deal with it, but then again am I overreacting, it like this negative spiral in my head.
I know I should feel a little jealous, but not to this extent...
I just need some guidance as this anxiety is such a scary thing and it has impacted my entire life, I do not want to go to work, I no longer enjoy activities. Perhaps I have some depression there also?
Nursegirl, what an excellent reference you give those on the forum. Very helpful link. Thanks!
Hello and welcome!
If you've been diagnosed with GAD, then medications would be appropriate. It sounds like you've had some long standing anxiety issues, and THIS particular exacerbation of anxiety is presenting itself with the jealousy and insecurity. Catastrophizing is definitely an anxiety behavior.
I think you're on the right track. Medications like Lexapro can be very beneficial in the management of symptoms, while you work on making some more long term changes in your thinking process, and how you react to feelings of anxiety. It is not a cure, so I'm very glad to see you're going to be starting therapy. That's very important as well.
Lexapro can take up to 4-6 weeks before more obvious improvements are seen, and sometimes it can take a little longer if dosage increases end up being needed. The best advice I can give you is to remain patient (which is hard I know, you want to feel better NOW), as the process of getting used to a medication where you will really notice significant improvements in the anxiety in your daily life can take a little while. You've already been on it 2 weeks, which is good. You SHOULD start noticing some subtle improvements within the next 1-2 weeks. You were started on a low dose (which is good to manage any side effects), so indeed after the 6 weeks time period, you may need to reassess your anxiety with your doc, to see if you need a higher dose to reach to desired effects. That adds some time onto the adjustment period, but the further you're into it, the better you should feel...so the waiting for results will become easier. Hopefully, the Lexapro will work well for you. You don't mention any severe side effects, so I assume you're tolerating it well. That's great, as that can be half the battle sometimes.
Try to keep yourself busy and distracted. That's one of the BEST ways to start getting a handle on anxiety. The more you sit and think, the more you will "what if" and visualize your GF's past. I also strongly urge you to stop looking for things (if you still are), and try very hard to not keep engaging your GF in discussions about her sexual past, as that will actually INCREASE your anxiety.
It sounds as though she's being very patient and understanding, and supportive of what you're going through, which is awesome. Some people would have gotten fed up, to be honest, as it's hard to understand how anxiety works. The rational part of you knows this is over the top, and not important to your current relationship, but unfortunately, anxiety is not a rational thing.
Just keep doing what you're doing, you've taken the first steps to get this under control. I also recommend picking up a book or two, where you can start reading about anxiety at home. A great book to start with is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", by Edmund Bourne. It's almost like a textbook, with exercises and activities you can do to help manage the anxiety. It comes highly recommended from both professionals and sufferers. I LOVE it, it has helped me a lot. Mine is very old, with tattered pages, and lots of highlighted pages. :0) I've definitely used it a lot.
Here is a link to our resource page, you may find another book or two that may be helpful:
http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Mental%20Health/Anxiety-and-Panic-Resources--Books--Websites--Self-Help-Programs/show/1285?cid=60
Very best to you, keep in touch and let us know how you're doing, okay? You're among people who understand and who have been there.
If you've been diagnosed with GAD, then medications would be appropriate. It sounds like you've had some long standing anxiety issues, and THIS particular exacerbation of anxiety is presenting itself with the jealousy and insecurity. Catastrophizing is definitely an anxiety behavior.
I think you're on the right track. Medications like Lexapro can be very beneficial in the management of symptoms, while you work on making some more long term changes in your thinking process, and how you react to feelings of anxiety. It is not a cure, so I'm very glad to see you're going to be starting therapy. That's very important as well.
Lexapro can take up to 4-6 weeks before more obvious improvements are seen, and sometimes it can take a little longer if dosage increases end up being needed. The best advice I can give you is to remain patient (which is hard I know, you want to feel better NOW), as the process of getting used to a medication where you will really notice significant improvements in the anxiety in your daily life can take a little while. You've already been on it 2 weeks, which is good. You SHOULD start noticing some subtle improvements within the next 1-2 weeks. You were started on a low dose (which is good to manage any side effects), so indeed after the 6 weeks time period, you may need to reassess your anxiety with your doc, to see if you need a higher dose to reach to desired effects. That adds some time onto the adjustment period, but the further you're into it, the better you should feel...so the waiting for results will become easier. Hopefully, the Lexapro will work well for you. You don't mention any severe side effects, so I assume you're tolerating it well. That's great, as that can be half the battle sometimes.
Try to keep yourself busy and distracted. That's one of the BEST ways to start getting a handle on anxiety. The more you sit and think, the more you will "what if" and visualize your GF's past. I also strongly urge you to stop looking for things (if you still are), and try very hard to not keep engaging your GF in discussions about her sexual past, as that will actually INCREASE your anxiety.
It sounds as though she's being very patient and understanding, and supportive of what you're going through, which is awesome. Some people would have gotten fed up, to be honest, as it's hard to understand how anxiety works. The rational part of you knows this is over the top, and not important to your current relationship, but unfortunately, anxiety is not a rational thing.
Just keep doing what you're doing, you've taken the first steps to get this under control. I also recommend picking up a book or two, where you can start reading about anxiety at home. A great book to start with is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", by Edmund Bourne. It's almost like a textbook, with exercises and activities you can do to help manage the anxiety. It comes highly recommended from both professionals and sufferers. I LOVE it, it has helped me a lot. Mine is very old, with tattered pages, and lots of highlighted pages. :0) I've definitely used it a lot.
Here is a link to our resource page, you may find another book or two that may be helpful:
http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Mental%20Health/Anxiety-and-Panic-Resources--Books--Websites--Self-Help-Programs/show/1285?cid=60
Very best to you, keep in touch and let us know how you're doing, okay? You're among people who understand and who have been there.
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