Worry

[SHTrying]

I am 47, and have weaned myself down to 50 mg zoloft, and almost daily provigil.  Although I believe I was able to maintain prior to every taking any SSRI meds, now that I have been on them, I have problems when I try to live without them. My life isn't different from many - I took drugs and started drinking when I was in my teens, had boughts of being abusive with drugs and alcohol on and off all my life. I've been "clean" now for about 3-1/2 years, but just prior to that I was addicted to crack for 2-3 years (I lose track of time as to when I started). It was next to impossible to stop (I didn't believe I ever could), or even drive home from work without doing it. Luckily I was popped on a random drug test and lost my job, which took me from the area where I was buying. I was cutting on myself, and was in and out of mental wards, drug rehabs during that time (and was on 6-7 meds for depression/anti-psychotic, etc). I almost lost my family (my husband threatened to take away my children and divorce me, but he loved me and wanted me better and worked with me).  Now I have a new job, and am once again responsible.  I didn't take my zoloft for the past few days (remembered today), but feel very worried as my work week quickly approaches. I just wanted to talk for a minute if anyone was out there.  Now I find myself worrying a lot about the end of my life. I also have panic attacks, but have narrowed that now to only when I drive on the expressway (which I just don't do anymore).  I sometimes find that I want to get high lately, but I don't know how to reach anyone any more and I feel as though after not ever getting busted, that with my luck I would get busted the first time trying to buy. I also wish I could just drink at home in the evenings after work, but my husband doesn't want me to do ANYthing any more. He would freak out if i did, after what I put him through before.

[bip]

Take it one day at a time. Life is so short.  I believe in god with all my heart he gave me the BEST THING IN LIFE 2 HANDSOME HEALTHY BOYZ.  I wouldnt even know what to do with out them.....Life is so short. Pray to god it really helps.  I do.  

Best wishes....

[SHTrying]

thanks...yeah - you're right - I think that everyone responds differently to stress and to worry...I do a lot of self-talk, and reason with myself. I have three children (two are grown and have moved out), and I think I mainly do as well as I do now for them - they need me to be a stable mom. I know that you're supposed to do it for yourself, but whatever works I think. I have a fear of dying too - I just can't imagine it - that life goes on and we're gone. I believe in heaven and hell and God and the devil, and I constantly think that I'm not good enough - to the point where I've failed to many times that I don't try any more. I know I should go to church, but I don't. I know I should read the Bible but I don't.  I take the provigil because otherwise, I would sit all the time in the cushy chair in front of the TV when I wasn't working (not that bad but almost).  Thanks for responding.

[bip]

You came to the right place for  ANXIETY.....  You went through alot.  You sound like you want to drink or get high when you worry and everybody acts differently.  Try to say to your self when you want to drink  this isnt good for me and I know its easy said than done. It sounds like your husband is supportive he wants to help.  I think you should get some help so you dont have to live like this cause believe me I live everyday worrying and it isnt good.  I have 2 boyz  and Married  I try everyday to enjoy my boyz and its hard. I have fear of dying.  I know what your going through and please try to see a councelor to help you and if you need meds everyday that is ok.  When you want a drink tell your self no because that could make you sick.  Im here for you if you need to talk and this forum is very supportive they will help you so much.  

BEST WISHES.....