Aa
Worrying about Neighbour
A month ago we had a fall out with a neighbour I used to be friendly with. I was really upset by this and lost a few nights sleep and have felt serious anger and bitterness towards her. However, I have seen little of her since despite her living two doors away from us but I feel her 15 year old son is taunting me. Smirking and parading in front of our house and yesterday my husband had a flat tyre and found two 3" nails on the ground. I can't prove it was him but when we went to see our other neighbour, the 15 year old son came out to obviously listen to our conversation.
I can't move my thoughts from this or him and don't know how to put it into perspective in my mind.
I can't move my thoughts from this or him and don't know how to put it into perspective in my mind.
Thank you so much for your advice and for making me not feel like it's just me being difficult. We are going to report the dogs barking to our local council in the first instance. They've had a complaint before and I doubt it will be a surprise to them.
Will let you know how I get on.
Will let you know how I get on.
Explaining that your entire neighborhood has similar feelings or experiences with this family tells us a great deal about this situation. It seems every barrel has that one "rotten apple" that spoils things for the rest of us.
The issue about your husband not being able to park his work van in it's usual spot, even after you politely asked these people to move their car, is, unfortunately just one more aspect of their rudeness. But unless this parking spot is "officially" yours and NOT public parking, I'm afraid you really have no recourse in that situation. I know it can be VERY difficult to remain civil, but unless you want this problem to keep escalating, the best thing to do is simply say "Thank you anyway," THEN WALK AWAY! You can say whatever you want IN YOUR HEAD, but don't say it out loud.
The issue with the barking dogs IS something you and your neighbors CAN do something about. If you ALL go in together and file a formal complaint about the constant barking, you have a legitimate complaint about disturbing the peace. I don't know how many dogs she has, and I don't know the rules about this in the UK, but over here, a breeder is allowed to have only so many dogs on their property, she would have to have a license to operate a business from the home and that business could not disrupt the neighbors.
I would also suggest you and all your neighbors write down each and every confrontation you've all had with this neighbor........in the past and any new ones. Makes sure you document who was involved, the dates and times and what was said. Her threat to "knock down" the neighbor kid for what SHE considered too loud music really needs to be at the top of the list. Threatening to do bodily harm (if that what "knock down" means in the UK) is a very serious threat and you all need to not take that lightly. If her 15 year old son is "parading by your house and flaunting" you, this can be considered harassment and you need to document this. The flat tire and the nails found, while they can't be use as proof, I think we can all probably agree on who did it. For me, the biggest question would be "just how far will this kid go?"
Putting in cameras is a good idea, but one camera is not really enough and they don't come cheap. You can put in one real camera and set up "dummies" which might keep this kid away, but the "dummy" cameras wouldn't really make me feel safe. Motion sensor lights are much less expensive and I'd try that first.
Do you have Block Watches in the UK? If you do, but don't have an active one in your neighborhood, agree to host one in your home. Over here a police officer will come to this gathering and listen to what has been going on, will offer suggestions on what you can and should do, and I believe they put up a free "This neighborhood protected by Block Watch" signs. (We had to pay a very minimal amount for the sign, we had to buy the post and install the sign ourselves, but it was worth it.)
Begin by talking with your neighbors, ask them to document any negative interactions they've had with this neighbor, especially the barking dogs and discuss forming a Block Watch.
I definitely understand how miserable it is when ONE family is disrupting the entire neighborhood, but until you take some kind of NON-VIOLENT action, you are allowing them to continue to bully all of you. Stand up for your rights and let them know that you're not going to take it anymore.
I hope you'll let us know how things work out.
Good luck
RubyWitch
The issue about your husband not being able to park his work van in it's usual spot, even after you politely asked these people to move their car, is, unfortunately just one more aspect of their rudeness. But unless this parking spot is "officially" yours and NOT public parking, I'm afraid you really have no recourse in that situation. I know it can be VERY difficult to remain civil, but unless you want this problem to keep escalating, the best thing to do is simply say "Thank you anyway," THEN WALK AWAY! You can say whatever you want IN YOUR HEAD, but don't say it out loud.
The issue with the barking dogs IS something you and your neighbors CAN do something about. If you ALL go in together and file a formal complaint about the constant barking, you have a legitimate complaint about disturbing the peace. I don't know how many dogs she has, and I don't know the rules about this in the UK, but over here, a breeder is allowed to have only so many dogs on their property, she would have to have a license to operate a business from the home and that business could not disrupt the neighbors.
I would also suggest you and all your neighbors write down each and every confrontation you've all had with this neighbor........in the past and any new ones. Makes sure you document who was involved, the dates and times and what was said. Her threat to "knock down" the neighbor kid for what SHE considered too loud music really needs to be at the top of the list. Threatening to do bodily harm (if that what "knock down" means in the UK) is a very serious threat and you all need to not take that lightly. If her 15 year old son is "parading by your house and flaunting" you, this can be considered harassment and you need to document this. The flat tire and the nails found, while they can't be use as proof, I think we can all probably agree on who did it. For me, the biggest question would be "just how far will this kid go?"
Putting in cameras is a good idea, but one camera is not really enough and they don't come cheap. You can put in one real camera and set up "dummies" which might keep this kid away, but the "dummy" cameras wouldn't really make me feel safe. Motion sensor lights are much less expensive and I'd try that first.
Do you have Block Watches in the UK? If you do, but don't have an active one in your neighborhood, agree to host one in your home. Over here a police officer will come to this gathering and listen to what has been going on, will offer suggestions on what you can and should do, and I believe they put up a free "This neighborhood protected by Block Watch" signs. (We had to pay a very minimal amount for the sign, we had to buy the post and install the sign ourselves, but it was worth it.)
Begin by talking with your neighbors, ask them to document any negative interactions they've had with this neighbor, especially the barking dogs and discuss forming a Block Watch.
I definitely understand how miserable it is when ONE family is disrupting the entire neighborhood, but until you take some kind of NON-VIOLENT action, you are allowing them to continue to bully all of you. Stand up for your rights and let them know that you're not going to take it anymore.
I hope you'll let us know how things work out.
Good luck
RubyWitch
Thank you for the advise. We have lived here 6 years and not a single other person in our road talks to these people through similar experiences with her. The disagreement with her in the first place was that one of her visitors parked outside our house and my husband couldn't park his work van, so we politely asked if they would mind moving their car. Anyway, it wasn't well received. The neighbour breeds dogs and they bark excessively 24/7 and at the same time I asked if she could try to keep her dogs quiet between 7.30pm and 7am. She agreed reluctantly to try but hasn't done so at all. My 2 year old daughter is disturbed by them each night and awoken sometimes at 5am.
I agree the camera would be a good idea and something I am going to look into getting.
Incidentally, it wasn't so long ago she threatened to "knock out" the neighbour in between us for asking her son to turn the car stereo music down so you can see who/what we are dealing with here. Everyone else in our road is very nice and we get on well with them. I have found that being in a disagreement with someone so close to home very upsetting as you can't get away from it.
I agree the camera would be a good idea and something I am going to look into getting.
Incidentally, it wasn't so long ago she threatened to "knock out" the neighbour in between us for asking her son to turn the car stereo music down so you can see who/what we are dealing with here. Everyone else in our road is very nice and we get on well with them. I have found that being in a disagreement with someone so close to home very upsetting as you can't get away from it.
You are in a tough situation, and RubyWitch gave good advice.
I was dealing with the same type of problem last summer, although I was not friends w/the neighbors who allowed their teens to vandalize my property, and taunt my family.
I had to bite my tongue (keep my anger to myself), and install security cameras around my property. If things continue to happen to your property, you might want to consider protecting your property with motion detection cameras (just a suggestion).
Best of Luck
I was dealing with the same type of problem last summer, although I was not friends w/the neighbors who allowed their teens to vandalize my property, and taunt my family.
I had to bite my tongue (keep my anger to myself), and install security cameras around my property. If things continue to happen to your property, you might want to consider protecting your property with motion detection cameras (just a suggestion).
Best of Luck
Rather than approaching this neighbor with allegations about her son, I would suggest you first try talking to her privately about the rift in your friendship and see if the two of you can't reach a compromise on that. It's difficult to take the high road and make the first move, but if there's any chance you can patch things up, it's worth it.
If you do manage to get back on speaking terms, you could warn her that "someone" has been vandalizing cars and to be on the look out. You could tell her that you will be alerting the neighbors as well, but make sure you follow through on that. I bet word will get to this kid and his shenanigans will stop.
If your efforts don't bring any resolution, and you have no proof it is this woman's son doing the damage, I can only suggest you, and your other neighbors, keep a close eye on this boy.
I have been in a situation like this myself and it's really touchy, so keep your anger under control and don't let it escalate a bad situation to a much worse one.
Good luck
If you do manage to get back on speaking terms, you could warn her that "someone" has been vandalizing cars and to be on the look out. You could tell her that you will be alerting the neighbors as well, but make sure you follow through on that. I bet word will get to this kid and his shenanigans will stop.
If your efforts don't bring any resolution, and you have no proof it is this woman's son doing the damage, I can only suggest you, and your other neighbors, keep a close eye on this boy.
I have been in a situation like this myself and it's really touchy, so keep your anger under control and don't let it escalate a bad situation to a much worse one.
Good luck
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