You guys are here for support right? can i get some please?!

Okay so I have come to the terms that I maybe absolutely insane.....I was diagnosed with bipolar stage 2 manic and ocd...but regardless this does not help to control my worrying.  In august I received oral from my best friend which is a female keep in mind that she is very promiscuous and sleeps with both men and women with no discretion....I know dumb on my part but anyway I am also a female....I posted this risk in the hiv forum and as it is very obvious....I was told I had "no risk" from reading the other posts I found that I could test at 3 months for a conclusive result....2 weeks after the exposure I got tested for everything all came back negative and then I retested again november 17 and on the 23rd I received a negative result....I was so excited I posted my results on the forum and I thought I could move on and relax....but now I am back worrying again I can't shake the thought that I might be one of the unlucky ones that received a false negative.....ugh!.... and I have been back and forth reading posts about oral sex and hiv contraction both on the reg forum but also the one where the doctors give their advice and still I cannot shake the worry....I swear I tried and I just can't....on top of that I had to write a paper on hiv and all that it entails and its just making me worry more....please I need some supportive words....this has to be anxiety....please help me! I go to see my psychiatrist in a couple weeks...but my mind won't let me go that long....please help me to relax....I just want to move on be happy healthy and hiv free and trust that I am! Ugh! This is crazy!

[greenlydia]

The HIV Forum told you the truth. NO RISK! It is your OCD that is keeping you anxious and unable to let this go, to move on.
You could get tested a dozen more times, and even though every test would come back negative, you still wouldn't believe it. So when you see your psychiatrist in a couple weeks, you really need to deal with the OCD/bi-polar issues. That's what's keeping you running in place!
It IS just anxiety, Sweetie! You DO NOT HAVE HIV! (After writing that paper on HIV, you should know that you were never at risk)
Please try to accept the fact that you're just fine and enjoy the holiday season as best you can. There is much work ahead for you, but make a New Years resolution that 2010 will be the year you take back control of your life!
I wish you the peace you are seeking and deserve
Greenlydia
  

[WorriedBeBe]

I was hoping you would be the one to comment cause you are honest and straight forward and I think that is what I need......soooo thank you.....my new years resolution will be to get my life back! Its like a double threat cause I am bipolar and I suffer with ocd the 2 together are damn near deadly! Right not I am just reading through the posts so its calming me down but I want to be calm and relaxed without reading the posts....I will be sure to talk to my therapists about all of this....thank you again times a million!

[29sillygirl]

You are absolutely fine....know it.    The ocd is keeping you from believing the tests are reliable.

Think all of us who were sexually active with several partners...as I was in 80s and 90s were scared of the bug.  I was tested twice...back in the day you had to wait weeks for results....

I've been told by therapists that I'm obsessive/compulsive..but hey..much better now most of the time.

My situation...getting anal cancer which was caused by virus I'd never heard of..HPV..was driving me nuts a year after treatment.  I kept asking myself why the docs weren't telling me anything.   Why, why, why???
The reason, as my personal physician put it, it's a moot point now.
So no more torturing myself with the whys!

With your fear of HIV...your therapist may recommend you get tested just to calm you down...and ...practice safe sex whatever that means these days.

Also...I've noticed in HIV/Herpes/HPV forums....the distress we feel is coming from our feelings...often guilt laden......so talk to therapist..and feel better

[Julie359]

Do you have any anti-anxiety meds to help you through this?  I know it can be very scary even thinking you may have the virus but you have been tested, if the worrying continues maybe you should have another test at a different clinic just to put your mind at rest.  Your thinking that it could be a false negative, well the chances of that happening is extremely rare, but your mental health is suffering so another test wouldn't do any harm.... Unless of course waiting for the result is gona cause immense undue stress then i would accept the dignosis you have recived and just keep telling urself your your fine until it seeps in....easier said than done i know!!!

[WorriedBeBe]

No im not taking any anti anxiety meds....my appt is on the 29th so I will ask then....I can't wait to see how that goes....I dnt think my psychiatrists believes me when I tell him what im going through he just bypasses what I say and tells me to see my therapists but nothing gets solved in either direction....maybe I need new doctors! I need a doc that cares...heartless doctors are pointless!

[nursegirl6572]

You are suffering from HIV Anxiety/Phobia, where you have convinced yourself that you have something to worry about despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary!  Like the above posters have said....get to your psychiatrist and into some aggressive talk therapy to help you move past this.  HIV is NOT a concern at all...you were never at risk....but like lydia states, you could get a neg test every day and STILL not be convinced due to your ocd and anxiety!

Lastly, when it comes to HIV, there is no such thing as a "false negative".  When someone is at risk (which you were not), if they receive a neg result very early on into the 3 month window period...the antibodies might not yet be detectable.  But, that is not a false negative.  Due to the extremely sensitive tests these days, newly infected people test POS VERY VERY rapidly...usually within weeks of exposure, but NEVER taking longer than 3 months.

Anyway, again...you didn't have a risk....you need to address the anxiety and irrational thoughts to allow you to move on and put this behind you.