I am 30 years old. I have 3 kids 6 and 7. I recently had an abortion in October and feel soo horrible about it I feel like I took away from my kids. I love them soo much and ever since I got that done I went to the hospital with my heart racing in November and felt like I does when I was in there and I feel like I am in hel for what I did. I was in a situation where I couldnt really have another baby.I got pregnant with the father of my 2 I have now and he has not helped me financially with the 2 we have now. I currently live with my parents and he has a drg problem. I am a very good person and a very good mother to my kids but now I am just soo depressed I dont know what to do. I cry every single day for what I did and I believe I am in hell. Someone please help me. I do not believe in abortions and it was my whole family that pushed it on me to get it don.
I am very sorry for what you've been through and the emotional and spiritual pain you're in now.
I believe strongly that you need to get into therapy to help you deal with a situation that is causing you so much grief.
If you have a spiritual leader, please unburden your feelings of guilt to them. To have an abortion can be a devastating experience for many women, but to have been "pushed" by your family to have this done against your will must be unendurable.
This is just my opinion, but I think, at the age of 30, you need to get out of your parents house. I don't think it's a healthy situation. Your children are of school age now and you could get a job and certainly there must be some social services that will help you with housing and food and health care for your kids.
I believe that you ARE a good person and a good mother, but you really have to pull up your socks here and create a life for you and your kids that isn't dependant on your family. I realize this is not an easy thing I'm suggesting you do, but I think it is the best for you and your kids.
You must get help for your depression............your kids need you to be there. Start by talking to a counselor at DSHS and go from there.
Be strong and do what is right for YOU and your kids.........not what your family thinks you should do.
I hope you will continue to write. There are surely other people here who can give you more advice and suggestions on what you can do in your situation.
You're not alone, OK?
I am really trying but all I can do is cry every single day! This is soo horrible to me. I feel like I took from my kids and I hate it! My daughter always talks about it now how she wants a baby sister or brother and I never remember her talking about it like this before. Truthfully I just feel like this abortion killed me.This isnt the kind of person I am.
You desperately need to get into some therapy to help you deal with the guilt, pain and what I see as self-loathing for having had an abortion. If you can't afford a private therapist, go to the nearest Planned Parenthood and speak with one of the counselors there. I'm sure either they can help you or find someone who can.
When you say your daughter always talks about "it" now, how she wants a baby brother or sister, are you saying she was told about the abortion? It's my humble opinion that she is far too young to understand abortion and the issues surrounding that kind of decision.
You've said that you feel this abortion has killed you, that it isn't the kind of person you are. Are you saying that you are anti-abortion? And your family somehow coerced you into having one knowing your feelings about it? If any of that is true, you really need to get out of that house and away from the people who would do that to you. This is something you could also talk to the Planned Parenthood people about. I hope I'm wrong about this.
You are in a moral/spiritual/personal crisis right now and you badly need to speak to someone about all these feelings. Please pick up the phone and call Planned Parenthood or your priest/minister/rabbi or another adult you can confide in..........you are like a pressure cooker, ready to explode.
I know you won't believe this now, but please just try to hold the thought that you will get through this, that it is always darkest before the dawn. You have two beautiful children who need and depend on you and you all have a wonderful life to look forrward to together. Reach deep inside yourself or towards your higher power and find the strength you need to meet this trial head on.
You, best of all, know what kind of person you are, so you know you can do this. And you know you'll be even stronger for it.
Please write us any time, OK? We are always here.
I wish you peace
I am truely sorry for any young woman who is "forced" to have an abortion. That is so barbaric, I can't even get my head around it.
This is NOT a pro-choice or pro-life post, so please, let's not take this into the political or moral areana.
What I want to tell these young women is that if you do not want to end the pregnancy, then you need to do everything in your power to make sure that doesn't happen. If you are young, living at home, dependant on your parents, no money, no job.........this will sound impossible, but you need to get the hell away from these people! There are many organizations that will help you. Adoption is a wonderful option if you are not ready for parenthood. There are thousands of couples praying for a baby and many of them will help you with living and health care expenses. Contacting reputable adoption agencies or private adoption lawyers would be your first step.
Being FORCED to undergo an abortion should be a crime and if you need to run away to prevent that crime from happening, then pack your bags and leave. Go to your spiritual adviser, go to a woman's shelter, hell, go to the police if you have nowhere else to turn.
I wish you all peace
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