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Avatar universal

afraid of drugs now, having lots of anxiety

I feel like I am going crazy you all.  I have been on the same medication for over 8 months now, but because of what happened to Heath Ledger I am freaking about my med!!!??  I sound like a crazy person I know, and I actually feel crazy typing this, but if I can't be open with you all I can't be open with anyone.  I already had a bit of anxiety over my meds (I take a beta blocker and aciphex for acid reflux, Xanax but haven't taken that in months) but now it is on my mind CONSTANTLY.  You know he had anti anxiety meds and sleeping pills, not sure what else, and in my mind all I can think is "that can happen to me."  I always ALWAYS do that...as soon as I hear bad news I put myself in that situation, it's a bad habit I have.  Well, I just had to let it out because I don't know how I am going to get over this.  I have been trying to have a positive mindset, but now I am having those destructive thoughts that plauge alot of us that have anxiety.

I have actually been feeling a lot better lately, but for some reason when my Husband called and told me about his death I went into a tailspin of "what if's" and I didn't even know him.  YIKES, I really need to pray!

You know, I have been really tired lately, feeling real groggy, and I know that sounds a bit contradictory to my statement "I have been feeling better" but I said that because I haven't been plagued with awful heart palps lately and that is a true blessing.   I think I may need some really good rest and PERHAPS that will help.  Okay, I'm rambling now.

Until my next episode :-)  Thanks to whoever responds!
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Avatar universal
Quote, "all I can think is "that can happen to me."  I always ALWAYS do that".... in the spiritual groups this is called an "Empath" or somone who VERY strongly relates to the pain and suffering of others. Its a bad habit for everyone suffering from anxiety I think. :-)

I would only like to offer a small suggestion if I may.... avoid any and ALL tv programs (news , CSI, violent tv programs, diagnosis x ect) programs that give your brain the opportunity to begin the process of relating in this way. When one of these programs come on,,, change the channel and look for something that makes you laugh instead. My old stand by favorite is americas funniest home videos.

I realize it sounds too elementary to be helpful,,, but if your focus is always on things that scare you, even if your watching it for the intellectual stimulation (makes you think and its interesting!) having your minds focus on fearful situations alot = panic attacks for those who like me are very empathetic to the pain of others. It really boils down to somone who loves their fellow man deeply, and fears the shadows. When the Sun comes up, the shadows go away,,,, they just go. The sun doesnt worry about them,,, the shadows flee from the Light,,, they just go.       *bows respectfully*
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Avatar universal
Yes, it is a very and I mean VERY vicious cycle.  I am having a hard day today as I had a really bad night last night.  I was hoping to come off the beta blockers in the spring, but I may just have to stay on them for a while because my skipped beats are not going anyhere.

I would love to not be so anxious about everything, but I guess that is my makeup and I have to live with it.  I am trying so hard to help myself, but the enemy is so busy!  I have so many fears but my main one is the health anxiety and wouldn't you know it, I have heart rhythym issues.  Boy, you talk about losing your mind....I feel like I am well on my way.

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Avatar universal
No idea who the person even is that you guys are talking about. ( Am Irish ) But when it comes to tablets I just freak as a rule. Had to start on another one the other day. It is a beta blocker. To go along with my xanax. Never been more nervous before as I wait for the new tab to kick in. So much so that the xanax is doing nothing at all. Is like my nerves are shot through. So much is my love of tablets. Effecting every part of my life. My eating in particular. Lord knows I wasn't doing very much of that before. Hence the beta blocker was needed. My insides are just so sore every day. Amazing when you think medication is meant to help us and we allow it to make us much worse.
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Avatar universal
OMG you do remind me a lot of myself- I am 30 years old and I have had, CT Scans of my brain, MRI of my brain, like 500 EKGs, a cardiac stress test, an ultrasound of my breast last month for a little lump (turned out to be a cyst).  This thing in my neck, the enlarged lymph node as they call it, has me freaked out beyong beyond belief even though everyone tells me don't worry about it, people have enlarged lymph nodes sometimes.  I think the worst about every situation. Last week, my leg was hurting for a few days so I was sure I had DVT or whatever that it and a blood clot was traveling in my body. It's like even watching the news lately makes me have anxiety, everytime I hear anything about someone dying.  Like this morning, there was a 17-yr old that died in school of meningitis or something like that...things like that send me into a total tailspin.

I hope you also have a wonderful weekend!  I think I am a member, no? So can't we chat?  If I'm not a member, how do I become one?  

Talk to you Monday.  God Bless!
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Avatar universal
I had to post before I sign off for the day :-)  You sound a LOT like me.  If I could tell you, okay I will....my gallbladder needs to come out, I have an enlargey THYMUS gland that needs to come out, but that is major surgery no way NO how, hmmmmm, oh, I have to get my breast checked every three to six months because I have a history of benign lumps,  Ijust got an ultrasound of my legs because I thought I may have blood clots, hav had MRI, CAT scan all of the heart test exept for the invasive ones....oh the list seems to never end.  Oh, and I am going for a sleep study next month!  No wonder my anxiety level is WAY up there.  I have been putting of surgery for months now but I really do need to have my gallbladder removed; but how in the world can I do that when I fear everything EVERYDAY!  Oh my :-)  I can laugh at myself sometimes and other times I just want to cry, especially when I am having palps-that is really rough.

We can get thru this, we have to claim that.  And you are so right, this forum is truly a blessing....I don't know what I would do without it!

If you can become a member and we can chat.  I hope your weekend is anxiety free and full of positive happy thoughts!  I will talk to you next week (my computer at home is on the blink so I won't be back online until Monday).
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
How funny - I also take the generic form, the metropolol 25 mg.  Exactly what I take! I would say that I took Paxil for many years on and off, probably like 8.  Then I went on Lexapro and Effexor (at different times) only in the past 6 months and neither of them worked and made me sick and had ALL the side effects and withdrawal symptoms and am now getting ready to go back on Paxil if my psychiatrist would call me back.  LoL.  

The past three months have been HORRIBLE anxiety-wise for me.  The Heath Ledger situation made it worse yet again.  I also found a lump in my neck about a month ago and went to my regular doctor who sent me for a CT scan.  It ended up being an "enlarged lymph node," which everyone tells me not to worry about but I have to go back to my doctor so he can feel it again and "as long as it doesn't get bigger" then it's ok but if it gets bigger, then it has to come out and be biopsied.  Needless to say, I feel it every day like 20 times and of course always think it's bigger or harder or whatever than the day before.  I even have my friend at work feel it every day.  I feel like a crazy person. But the worst thoughts go through my mind, cancer obviously.  I wish I could just be a normal person that would go about their business and life and not constantly worry about everything.  It's so bad lately, really really bad and physically taking a toll on my body.  I have heart "pains," palpitations, shakiness.  Hopefully, going back on the Paxil will help because I'm currently on nothing since last week when stopping the Effexor and obviously I have the withdrawal from that.  Anyway, I'm just rambling but I'm glad to have this forum and all the people like you, iamfaithful, that at least understand what I'm feeling because people without anxiety just don't understand and can't grasp it.
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Avatar universal
How about that-I am on the same exact medicine...toprol (generic form however).  I really appreciate your respone because I'm not kidding, I have been thinking about it nonstop and I know that is not healthy.  You COULDN'T worry more then me, I don't think anyone does-haaaaaaaaaaa.  When one problem is solved I sit there and think "I know I am supposed to be worrying about something else" now tell me that isn't el loco :-)

Yes, I keep telling myself that I am thinking irrationally, but that only last for half a second.  How long have you been on your meds?  My doctor's Nurse Prac. wanted to put me on Paxil but I was like "not another drug oh no" :-)  I take the 25mg of metropolol and that is enough-whew.

I wonder what it is about us or our makeup that makes us assume the worst in every situation instead of the best or the most positive?  I am still trying to understand......
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Avatar universal
Don't feel crazy typing it, I have been having the EXACT same thoughts since the Heath Ledger incident, especially since I too take some of those medications.  But I'm sure we'll find out from toxicology reports that he took TOO MUCH of TOO MANY of them. I also take Xanax and and a beta blocker (Toprol) and I'm about to go back on Paxil.  I worry just as much as you, if not more, I'm sure.  LoL.  
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