Aa
alcohol related paranoia
My husband is an alcoholic even though he doesn't think so. Each night he "must" drink at least 3-5 beers when he gets home before he can function with the family. I have become used to this and as much complaining as I do, he will not stop. My latest problem I can not fix and don't know what to do.
I have been faithful to this man for 37 years. Never have I strayed. One night he said he heard me moaning in my sleep and speaking the name of one of my sons friends. Now I don't know if I did this or not, but I have no interest in this friend or anyone else for that matter. I have tried to make it up to my husband in so many ways and I thougth I had. Today, he is still miserable about it to the point where he will not even speak to me unless he is drunk and then he just says hateful things.
At first I was upset and hurt for him. Not wanting him to think that I would ever do any thing like that. Now that I have done all I can, I am so pissed that I feel like kicking him out. What can I do? I have heard of alcohol paranoia and I am wondering if this is what this is. To be truthful, his hearing is awful and he doesn't even hear me when I do try to be loving with him. How could he have heard anything like this??? Help!!!
I have been faithful to this man for 37 years. Never have I strayed. One night he said he heard me moaning in my sleep and speaking the name of one of my sons friends. Now I don't know if I did this or not, but I have no interest in this friend or anyone else for that matter. I have tried to make it up to my husband in so many ways and I thougth I had. Today, he is still miserable about it to the point where he will not even speak to me unless he is drunk and then he just says hateful things.
At first I was upset and hurt for him. Not wanting him to think that I would ever do any thing like that. Now that I have done all I can, I am so pissed that I feel like kicking him out. What can I do? I have heard of alcohol paranoia and I am wondering if this is what this is. To be truthful, his hearing is awful and he doesn't even hear me when I do try to be loving with him. How could he have heard anything like this??? Help!!!
Thanks so much for your kind words and help. I will look up my local AA chapter tonight. Yes, most of our married life my husband has had a drinking problem. He quit for several years, then things went badly at work one day and he started all over. At least he doesn't drink and drive anymore. Just sits out in his garage and drinks alone all day.
Several years ago he was in an accident where he broke his ankle badly. It is literally put together with screws and bolts. He is in constant pain, the doctor has told him he can fuse it or amputate, neither of which appeals to my husband. He then suffered a minor heart attack and had a stent implanted. His whole demeanor changed. The doctor put him on antidepressants, which he later stopped. Later that year he lost his job at a place where he was comfortable and had many friends. It has been a downward spiral ever since. He now has a new job and hates it. Refuses to get close to anyone there. I can understand with all of the things that he has suffered over these last years why he is so depressed, but this latest thing where he is blaming me for cheating has me baffled.
Again thanks so much for your kind words. I will keep in touch.
Judy
Several years ago he was in an accident where he broke his ankle badly. It is literally put together with screws and bolts. He is in constant pain, the doctor has told him he can fuse it or amputate, neither of which appeals to my husband. He then suffered a minor heart attack and had a stent implanted. His whole demeanor changed. The doctor put him on antidepressants, which he later stopped. Later that year he lost his job at a place where he was comfortable and had many friends. It has been a downward spiral ever since. He now has a new job and hates it. Refuses to get close to anyone there. I can understand with all of the things that he has suffered over these last years why he is so depressed, but this latest thing where he is blaming me for cheating has me baffled.
Again thanks so much for your kind words. I will keep in touch.
Judy
You are living with one of the most difficult situations possible and I'm sorry your husband is turning your life into a nightmare. We both know he needs help, but you can't force him to change.
As I'm sure you're aware, an alcoholic will not admit they have a "problem" until they are ready, which usually takes hitting rock bottom for most. Your complaining is only driving your husband deeper into denial and has no doubt added "a nagging, bitchy wife" to his list of reasons to drink.
That your husband is insisting you called out the name of one of your sons friends in a dream and has interpreted that as "sexua,l" is a sign of paranoia. (And the possibility exist that it was HIS dream he "heard" this in!) Whether or not that has been induced by the alcohol, I can't say for certain, but it would be my guess it's been a huge contributor.
You have gone out of your way to convince your husband there is nothing going on with this kid, but if he has it in his mind that you're fooling around, I think anything you say will only come across to him as "defensive" and give him even more grist for his alcoholic mill. That he will not even talk to you until he's drunk and then he says "hateful" things to you is a huge red flag in my book. That tells me it's time for YOU to take some serious steps to deal with this problem. AA offers help for families of alcoholics and you can find this information in your local phone book, or by calling the main AA number and asking about the nearest support chapter in your area. He is turning you into a victim and you must NOT allow that to happen.
You state you've been married for 37 years. That is a very long time. Has your husband been an alcoholic for most of that time or is this behavior fairly recent? If it is, then that would indicate to me that there is something very major bothering your husband that he is incapable of dealing with. My fear is that if you continue to complain or "nag" him about getting help, his hurtful/hateful words could turn into hurtful/violent actions.
Please speak to someone with far more knowledge than me about how to handle this situation. He definitely needs help, but so do you!
Please let us know how you're doing, OK?
Pick up the phone and make some calls NOW.
Peace
Greenlydia
As I'm sure you're aware, an alcoholic will not admit they have a "problem" until they are ready, which usually takes hitting rock bottom for most. Your complaining is only driving your husband deeper into denial and has no doubt added "a nagging, bitchy wife" to his list of reasons to drink.
That your husband is insisting you called out the name of one of your sons friends in a dream and has interpreted that as "sexua,l" is a sign of paranoia. (And the possibility exist that it was HIS dream he "heard" this in!) Whether or not that has been induced by the alcohol, I can't say for certain, but it would be my guess it's been a huge contributor.
You have gone out of your way to convince your husband there is nothing going on with this kid, but if he has it in his mind that you're fooling around, I think anything you say will only come across to him as "defensive" and give him even more grist for his alcoholic mill. That he will not even talk to you until he's drunk and then he says "hateful" things to you is a huge red flag in my book. That tells me it's time for YOU to take some serious steps to deal with this problem. AA offers help for families of alcoholics and you can find this information in your local phone book, or by calling the main AA number and asking about the nearest support chapter in your area. He is turning you into a victim and you must NOT allow that to happen.
You state you've been married for 37 years. That is a very long time. Has your husband been an alcoholic for most of that time or is this behavior fairly recent? If it is, then that would indicate to me that there is something very major bothering your husband that he is incapable of dealing with. My fear is that if you continue to complain or "nag" him about getting help, his hurtful/hateful words could turn into hurtful/violent actions.
Please speak to someone with far more knowledge than me about how to handle this situation. He definitely needs help, but so do you!
Please let us know how you're doing, OK?
Pick up the phone and make some calls NOW.
Peace
Greenlydia
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