anxiety, vomit, panic when i go on a date

here is my problem  I have been suffering for too long, and I was questionning my life, the way I am and everything else !

It all started 5 years ago, when I finally went for a walk for the very first time in my life with someone I liked. I had a miserable love life and I felt rejected all the time. So that day, while we were having a nice chat I felt I was like gonna throw up. I went back home, and I couldn't eat for the rest of the day, and during the next day too.

Since then, I hadn't had an intimate moment with anyone else, so basically I forgot about the problem. But when I started "dating", the thing came out again. The first day we went for a drink, I was very cool and nothing happened. The 2nd time we met, I was about to vomit, everytime he tried to kiss me I was like, stop, I dont feel good. And after that, it became my ugly routine. Everytime we go out, I end up throwing up. We broke up, and then went back together, but same thing...

[lara243]

One day I literaly vomited in the street. That was the worst moment of my life. I always have a panic attack when we meet, it's unbelievable. Recently, I felt so pushed and tired I spent a week without eating well, I was dying, starving, I went to the doctor he told me I was so anxious and it does cause all the creepy situations I am having. I am doing a therapy since 2 years now, but it hasnt worked that well. It helps, but, I am vomiting still when I go out with someone I like Basically, I don't go out with lots of guys, but the 2  only guys I liked and I had a close physical contact with, they saw me at my worst. In one moment we are kissing or holding hands, and the next moment it's me throwing up the minimum quantity of food I had eaten.

It's horrible, it had made my life HELL. I am so tired of this problem, it ruined my social life and the way i feel about myself. It's a circule of guilt, starvation, love, hate, and depression.

I hope one day I can get a healthy relationship / date and enjoying it. Like truly, deeply. I am 25 years old, and never enjoyed a date.

[lara243]

have you ever had that guys ?

[Life360]

Hi and welcome. Good your going to treatment as helps to talk to someone. One thing about vomiting, its gets habit forming. If you do it enough, it will become almost automatic. You have set up a signal to vomit. This happens to me when i bush my teeth and very hard to control once the signal has been established.