anxiety and heredity

I'm having trouble with distancing my anxiety worries about myself from those of my mother's.  She is in a severe state of depression and anxiety at the moment.  She has reason to be as she lost her husband (my stepdad) and many other things that came about in her lifetime.  I now seem to be mimicking her physical and mental symptoms even though everything around me is great (with a few exceptions).  I have always been a worry-wart but ALWAYS been able to 'blow it off'.  I admit, I've worried myself sick this time over a health issue.  This issue has gotten better but it's too late now since I am in this anxiety state---nervous every day, heart racing, worrying about why I'm like this, etc etc etc.  I often wonder if it's because my mom has went through this for 6 months now with no doctor being able to help her.  It's been an every week thing trying to find someone to help her.  Can anyone just say something that will help me see that I am my own person and just because my mom is this way doesn't mean I will be!!!!!!    For me, it usually takes one person to say the right thing & that helps.   Thank you for your time.

[fuzzy882]

I think you already know. You said it " I'm my own person", But, it's hard watching a parent go through this. I understand, been there...  Also to the point of making myself ill over it.  So, what good did that do??  If this is making you sick then there has to be a way that you are going to have to distance yourself and not feel guilty about it. Look at it like " what good am I to my mom or to anyone if im ill".  Just take a step back for awhile, you can still be there but be there for yourself and take care of you.

Stay in touch and I'm here if you need to talk.

[liv4now25]

Oh I have SO been exactly where you are!  EXACTLY!  Fuzzy was is correct in stating that "you have to distance yourself and not feel guilty about it".  That is the word-guilt.  It is absolutely necessary that you not feel guilty.  Your mother is a grown woman and though she is your mother, you must realize that you are NOT her.  

My mother was suffered from anxiety and depression all her life.  When I was younger I suffered from depression.  Why?  Because my mother was depressed.  She and I were extremely close too.  As I got older and through lots of therapy, I realized that her problems are not mine.  It's hard...she's your mom and you love her.  The best thing you can do for yourself is take time for yourself.  Meditation helped me greatly.  Before visits with my mother, I envisioned a white light around me.

Be there for her and support her, but remember that in order for you to care for a loved one, you need to care for yourself.
Best,
Liv

[janedoe1969]

Wow!  Thank you for that.  Greatly appreciated.  Sometimes I just need a little 'pep' talk from someone.  I'm looking into Oprah's webcast right now.  Not sure if I can talk about that or not on here.  I've just ordered the book and will be watching the web videos.  Looks interesting and insightful.  Take care all.  :-)

[liv4now25]

The book is excellent.  I am reading it too.  That is a good step, Jane, continuing to nourish your spirit is always good!