anxiety help

[doggs1234]

              Sorry if this is the wrong place for this, but after being in the other forums I guess I need to just feel the need to vent and get some help. I recently have been having a major fear of contracting hiv from a visit about 12 days ago. I had insertive oral for about 40 seconds without a condom before I put one on, then tried to insert for sex but couldn't get it inside.
               I keep losing it inside though right now, I keep finding and being told I had no risk from the members in the other forums, I went and got a home test yesterday that was negative but it only made me feel better for about 2 hours before I started freaking out again. Now I have no idea how I will make it to the 6 week mark and the 12 week mark to make sure nothing happened. I know nothing did and yet these thoughts won't get out of my head. I feel so depressed and upset inside.

[doggs1234]

Honestly I think as the days go by, it seems I get upset and freaked out less and less. I again already tested negative for Hiv with the home test last week, and I feel as you put it nursegirl to stop testing and leave it at that. I went to the Urologist for an appointment and he examined my urine and noticed nothing wrong with it as well. I feel like I need to take it one step at a time.

Anxiety especially from guilt is something I never want to deal with again so believe me this is the last time anything like this will happen. I mean maybe I feel like I should be punished for my incident, cause now my gum swelled a bit and I'm paranoid it is syphilis, but again deep breaths and stepping away from dr. google is helping me to not freak out, any tips on taking your mind off things and getting over guilt?

[nursegirl6572]

Of course.  The more anxious you are, the more you will get stuck in the "what if" thinking cycle.  That will include ALL kinds of scenarios..."what if I get caught and lose my partner?"..."what if I get an STD?"...."what if I give an STD to my partner?"

That's why the best thing you can do is to try to learn from it, and move on.  The more you ruminate about it, the worse you will feel.

[doggs1234]

Ok thanks Nursegirl, I feel emotionally a lot better. I tested earlier in the week and got negative so at this point, I'm gonna close the book on this and just move on with my life or attempt to try to. I was nervous, but after two weeks feeling better than I did. Do most of these feelings also have a level of afraid of being caught as well? I mean I know I have no risk and was fine for a few days, then broke down and ended up how I am. I guess it just is taking it one step at a time.

[nursegirl6572]

Can guilt cause anxiety and health issues?

Absolutely.  Guilt, regret and shame seems to drive most of the cases of HIV-related anxiety out there (certainly almost all I've seen personally).  You're correct that you were never at risk for HIV.

The last thing you should be doing is searching the internet, staying hyperfocused on any perceived "symptoms" you will relate to HIV, and definitely do not be testing for HIV, that will fuel your anxiety.

If after making a concerted effort to do all of those things, you still cannot move on, then seek professional help to deal with the anxiety.

[doggs1234]

No not at all, I think it might be guilt weighing on me though. Slipped up and cheated for the first time in my life, and it feels more that than anything. Can guilt cause anxiety and health issues?

[remar]

You really need to stay off of google. It seems to be making things worse for you. I agree with the other members here. You did not get HIV.Did you have health anxiety before this encounter happened?

[doggs1234]

Also forgot to add, I keep checking for symptoms and keep thinking this is showing that I got hiv, I know symptoms aren't a way to diagnose hiv, but dr. google is killing me and I have no idea what to do really.