anxiety/paranoia

[Emoz17]

i have a huge fear of abandonment, i scare potential new friends off because i come on too strong, get clingy and incredibly paranoid. I think everyone is looking at me, i think everyone hates me, i get jealouse and worried about alot of things. Im incredibly miserable.
Does anyone have any helpful answers?

[Emoz17]

nah not at all, its comforting talking to you. :)
you are clearly a lovely person and i dont feel in the slightest that you was down-playing how i felt. im very greateful for the advice and support, i really am :)
thankyou for the chat  :D keep in touch and take care too :) xx

[mammo]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend!  You know it's not about the quantity of friends you have, but the quality.  Be thankful for the two you do have, and let the immature ones go and act like children, you don't need people like this in your life.  Of course it hurts when we're betrayed, we trusted in someone and they broke that trust.  Just try to learn from it so you take something positive away from it.  I hope you don't feel that I was down-playing how you feel, because that was not my intent.  I know it hurts.  Take care.

[Emoz17]

I know, your right, it still hurts when you feel youve  been betrayed though. I did tell her, i sent her a text explaining how i felt and then i had planned to further discuss it when she arrived at work, but she was so blinded by all the poison they had put in her head, she didnt listen. nevermind, its hurtful but hey i have got two very good friends, i should focus on them. Thenkyou so much yet again for your kind words and advice, it means alot. :) its nice to have someone on here to talk to who you feel farmiliar with :)
no i havent started therapy yet, however a friend of mine had to see a therapist recently, and so shes gonna try and refer me to hers. if that doesnt work then il go to my doctor. see i live in north wales, and the gps around here are terrible. i tried to tell my gp a few years back that i thought i might be depressed, but she just laughed and dismissed it. so i did too. :/ as for the positive thinkin, well thats a daily battle, as with the self image thing, but i am working on it. :)
thankyou again :D
E

[mammo]

You're never bothering me!  Some people never grow up.  One thing I've learned is if there is something I don't want to get out, I tell nobody.  The best thing to do is go to the person and talk directly to them, you'd be surprised at how understanding people can be.  Your friend may have been very touched had you spoken to her about how you're feeling. When they aren't, then it may be time to look at who you are choosing to be friends with.  I do think this affects your anxiety, and your self-esteem.  Don't allow other peoples actions define who and what you are.  Always be yourself, honest, open, fun and caring.  Have you started therapy yet?  I think this would be a big help, but in the meantime, work on your self image.  You can become what you think, so don't think negatively about yourself, think good, positive thoughts.  Find things you are passionate about and do them.  This will give you less time to get down on yourself, and you will make new friends along the way.  Get on with living your life and don't waste your energy on jealousy, it serves no purpose except to hurt us or make us feel less adquate.  Accept what is and try to keep moving forward.  I'm happy you wrote and please stay in touch!  

[Emoz17]

sorry to bother you, just dont really know anyone else on here. feling pretty bad today, i told you i scare friends away. getting jealous and paranoid, one of my friends has stopped talking to me because i made the mistake of confiding in her boyfriend that i was feeling down that she never botherd to invite me out and he turned it all around to make it look like ive been bitching. also her old friend had come back and completely pushed me out. this always happens to me. :(  its pathetic really, i thought people were supposed to act mature when they get out of their teens... its like im in primary school again.
so hurt by all this, and the worst thing is, they all think im the monster because of all this stuff said. im fed up of always getting hurt. sorry, i know this has nothing to do with anxiety, but it doesnt help my emotional state to be honest. :(

[mammo]

Your doctor can refer you to one, and some insurances require this, if not then just look one up close to home and make an appt.  You are making the right decision here, and please stay in touch!

[Emoz17]

your right, god its like you know me, im so hard on myself, im horrible to myself, i  really am i have people who love me all around me and yet i constantly feel alone. The weight of my problems is getting to heavy and i do need to get rid of it. where do i find a psychiatrist? do i just ask my doctor?
thankyou so mmuch for all your help and your kind words, its so refreshing to know that there are genuinely good and kind people out there :)
Thankyou again
:)
Emoz

[Emoz17]

thankyou so much for your knid and friendly support :) i find it hard to discuss these things with people, even my best friend. Its not just the awkwardness socially thats my problem, i also suffer terrible guilt over the most smallest things, and they eat me up until i crack. In the past, i have convinced myself that i have done something, and believed it so strongly, even though i usually know its not true, i have also had what i think are pannick attacks because ive wanted to hurt myself, but been too afraid to. i have had many of these episodes from as early as 8. im 20 now. its hard work and im starting to struggle to cope :( I dont know if i suffer from depression, i dont know whats wrong with me, but there must be something, because what i experience is clearly not normal. I havent been to my doctor to be diagnosed, because im afraid he might not like what he hears and sections me or something. The same reason for not going to a therapist. Do you have any advice? Thankyou again for your help.

[mammo]

Have you tried therapy to find out why you feel this way?  Getting to "why" you have this fear would be a big help for you. I'm sure nobody hates you, and you are struggling with self-esteem issues.  I can't help but think there is a hidden reason your feel this way, and a therapist can find out what it is, help you deal with it and move on a more confident person. Worry and fear feeds our anxiety, so you need to address these feelings with a professional as we have. There is a better life for you with help, know this and that you are not alone in your struggle.  We're always here for you.  Take care.