anyone else get this???

[imcrazy2]

I have been consumed with a fear of having an anaphalactic allergic reaction for a while now, but it's getting ridiculous.  I have never had such a reaction, and really only have seasonal allergies.  EVERY meal I eat that is new in any way (restautants, prepared by others, new recipe, etc...) I freak out at some point during the meal, and get sudden, severe shortness of breath (obviously panic related), which perpetuates the problem, since closing of the airway is also a symptom of a bad allergic reaction.  I am on Effexor (just got it bumped up to 225mg from 150), and have been on various SSRI's for 8 years.  I also have my "security blanky" of Ativan if needed, which I try desperately not to take.  I spent a year in CBT, with little result, due to the fact that intellectually, I KNOW what is going on with my body, but emotionally, I still FREAK out.  I, of course, also have intense GAD, PD w/agoraphobia, and am struggling on a daily basis with shortness of breath/ feeling like I need to & can't get a deep enough breath, which sends me into a tailspin.  I can't travel (used to LOVE to), can't set foot in an elevator (VERY disruptive in my life, not to mention inconvenient).....I'm just having a really hard time.  Can anyone relate??

[kitty88]

well i know how u feel i always get the shortness in breathe and feel like i cant breathe and feel like i cant take a deep breathe. then i get real panicy and think i cant breathe. but yes i get a thing going on where im affraid to eat food because i think that im going to have a reaction to it and i start to freak out so no ur not crazy i get the same thing. i also dont like to leave the hosue anymore i used to love going out and now i cant stand it cause im affraid somethings gonna happen to me when i leave.

[kittydisco]

Oh honey!!  I TOTALLY have lived with that same fear for the past 5 years.  Same exact symtoms, afraid of allergies but an allergic to nothing.  I avoided eating in restruants for two years.  I swore off chocolate and nuts as well and love them, just because I was "fake allergic".  I am also afraid to take medication so am not on any meds except the occasional xanax (very rarely, one pill every three months or so).  I have to take 2 mg of Ativan before the dentist because I was convinced I was allergic to novicane. I once came down with a sever kidney infection and needed to take antibotics, I was crying and peeing blood and panicing so badly because I was convinced I would die from a reaction from the antibotic (antibiotic).  My boyfriend of 3 weeks at the time stayed up with me while I took shower after shower trying to calm down enough to swallow the stupid pill!   He stayed around (he's an angel) we've been together two years and are getting married in June.

I do want to let you know that there is help, it will get better!  This disorder, as you know, is all consuming.  For me, my mind created this severe disorder to avoid a larger problem.  I believe panic disorders are coping mechanisms for **** we can't deal with.  For me, I had a eating disorder for 11 years (both anxeria and bulumia), once I stoped that, this whole panic disorder and fake food allergy panic disorder sprung up in its place.  

The true issue my disorders were covering up was my childhood sexual abuse and two date rapes I suffered as a teen.  My abuser was protected by my family and I was forced to be around him.  The betrayal by my parents and sister (her husband was the abuser) caused me so much shame and hurt that I couldn't deal with it.  Thus the eating disorder, then the panic disorder that developed into the fake "food allergy" disorder.

I made a huge step and cut ties with my family.  Two weeks later, while at a party (I won't lie, I did have a glass of wine), I said screw it, and ate a chocolate chip cookie!  I ate chocolate for the first time in 5 years.  I paniced a bit (yes, looked in the mirror to make sure my throat and eyes werent swelling shut).  This past week I have eaten lots and lots of chocolate.  

By breakthrough was finding the root cause for this panic disorder.  I still have panic attacks, but I am eating one of the forbiden foods.

Hang in there, get a good support system (even just one patient person who can keep telling you its okay), you are NOT crazy, I have been there too and I understand.  Look for the root problem and find the courage to love yourself and deal with that root problem.  

Best of luck, I know you will be okay!!

[imcrazy2]

OMG, thank you SO much!  I also have the meds phobia, I am the SAME way with any new meds....I have been avoiding getting the chicken pox vaccine for years, --even knowing that if I catch the disease it could KILL me-- because I am afraid of the vaccine!  I am so sorry for what you have been through kittydisco!  I don't have anything traumatic in my past to attribute my issues to--I do think I'm mostly just nuts.  I am seriously just considering forcing myself into the most horrifyingly scary thing I can think of to try to just face my fears.  For me, it would be to get in an elevator, and ride to the 50th floor, since I am TERRIFIED of both elevators, AND being more than 4 floors from the ground.  I just keep thinking if it doesn't kill me, maybe it will cure me.  Then again, it might send me to the loony bin for good, LOL.  What do you think?

[kittydisco]

I think pushing your boundries and fighting through some of this stuff and realizing you were okay the whole time really does help, although you may feel like its the most terrifying thing in the world.

I think what this should teach us all is how powerful our minds really are.  I mean, we are doing this, totally not intentionally, but it still some part of us creating this uncontrolable fear.  Maybe there is a way we can create the opposite - uncontrollable happiness or something...

You are not crazy.  Don't let people tell you you are.  Everyone has their own issues, their own unhealthy coping mechanisms for stuff - gambling, drinking, eating, drugs, shopping, etc.  Our mechanism at least doesn't really harm anyone else but us.  I think you should find comfort that no one has ever died from anxiety! And you are not alone, there are other people who think up wild senerio's.  

You should like an intelligent person, you are probably also pretty creative. Do you have any creative outlets?  Do you paint, write, do crosswords, play music?  I think that stuff really helps.  I took up the mandolin a year ago and find it really relaxing to focus on playing when things get overwhelming.  I also find that when other areas of my life are too stressfull, such as work or school, my anxiety gets worse.  Also, the opposite can be true - I spent a summer unemployed and newly engaged.  I tried my hand at being a little Martha Stewart.  I ended up almost completely loosing it because there are only so many handy projects to occupy your mind before your mind goes off and occupies it self by dreaming up new and improved irrational fears - idol mind is a devil's playground.  (I really laugh at mine, you freaking have to sometimes!!)

Stay busy, but don't spread yourself too thin.  If there is someone you can really trust, get into that damn elevator, close your eyes and hug them for dear life until you SAFELY get to the top.  You may panic, but you will not end up in the looney bin.