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anyone else?
by Hawks1189, Oct 03, 2008 10:39PM
Does anyone else out there have this extreme fear of having some sort of disease? Do they also endlessly search the web for symptoms. And when they finally go get checked out and find out they are fine do they just switch there fears to another incurable disease. I have been from cancer to brain tumors to heart problems to hiv. My doctor prescribed zoloft last week and I haven't noticed any changes at all. Thanks
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you will be ok i just know it
god bless
take care
janis.
I suffer the same also. It is pretty sad when your 13 year old notices you reading the medical books or going to a doctors appt. and he tells you, mom, your not dying there is nothing wrong with you. My stress comes out in physical symptoms. I have been on this roller coaster ride for years. My doctor told me it is anxiety and I should see a psychiatrist. The funny thing is that I am terrified of doctors and tests and i lived with symptoms for years and would almost collapse when thinking about going to the doctor or taking a test. When tests were over with I would get a big relief and was so glad I did not have a terminal illness.
It does not help that 2 of my friends have cancer (one in her 30's the other 40's), my brother just died a year ago of pancreatic cancer at age 46, my 2nd closest friend from high school just died of Leukemia 6 months ago, and my husbands close friend of 20 plus years also died of cancer 1 1/2 years ago. All this has fueled my fears. My friend with breast cancer unloads on me all the time about her fears of leaving her 2 beautiful young children behind. This has not been helpful in the healing process with my anxiety.
I have finally accepted the fact that Yes, I do have an anxiety problem that produces real symptoms. And YES, death is a part of life, and it is a very painful thing to go through, loosing loved ones. But also, YES, there is hope, and even though everyone around me (so it feels like) is dying of cancer, that does not mean that I have a terminal illness. Worrying does not add a day to your life. It does not help, it does not prevent things from happening, it is hard to let go of control but it is a must for getting better over your anxiety. Knowing that the physical symptoms are not proof that you are dying of some terminal disease but are caused by stress, knowing that and accepting the illness is the first step to getting better. I am now convinced that I have this anxiety problem and now I am fighting back. I am getting better. And if a new symptom appears I will tell myself that it is probably anxiety, get it checked out medically, and be done with it. I want to move on and live. I want to enjoy my children and husband. I do not want to continue to live in fear and overwhelming anxiety. Yes, it will continue to come probably the rest of my life but I have chosen to fight it and not give in to the fear. Finally excepting it and fighting it has helped me. I just got through my own breast cancer scare and it did not consume me like it use to in the past. I got the test done and got a clean bill of health. I did not lie awake in bed for hours obsessing about it. I use to go for days living in fear and not able to sleep or function. Now I went through 3 1/2 weeks of waiting, going to the doctors, making my test appt, and I slept every night. Every time fear crept in I told myself, well if I am dying of breast cancer there is not much I can do about it so go to sleep. Staying up all night in fear will not change the situation. If I am dying God will give me the grace to get through it, He will take care of my kids and husband, and I have to trust Him. This was a big stepping stone for me.
My doctor wants me on medication but I have decided to battle my anxiety with the spiritual and the physical thinking of my mind. I am not knocking people who decide to go on a medication, it helps some people. I decided to go natural because if I go on a medication I would probably just worry about having some weird side affects from the medication. I just love those drug commercials that go on and on about the wonderful things it cures and then it goes on with the long, long list of possible side affects and death, etc. from the drug. My husband and I laugh at those commercials that is why I do not like to do the drugs, I am afraid I will worry about the side affects.
P.S. A big help is not to go on the computer with your symptoms to see what dreaded illness you have. This only feeds your fears. I got rid of the medical books and do not look up symptoms on the computer anymore. The more medical knowledge that you have the worse it is for this illness. Your brain has all that information in the back of its mind and creates those symptoms, involuntarily. Stop reading up, if you are worried go to your doctor. Once in the past I told my doctor, o.k., pretend I do not have an anxiety problem, please consider these symptoms. And he did , he took me serious because I was convinced I had some terminal heart failure. I got the echo cardiogram done and it did show my MILD heart murmur but was not in heart failure like I thought. So, my advice, don't feed the anxiety by reading up your symptoms. Go to your doctor who knows about your anxiety, and hopefully they are patient and supportive. If not switch doctors but make sure you tell them that you have this anxiety problem. Find people in your life to support you and help you. My husband has been a life saver for me and it also helps that he went through this in his college years. He is now better and does not obsess about terminal illnesses anymore. He gets weird symptoms from time to time and he just goes and gets it checked out. He does not obsess or worry. There is HOPE!!!!!!
You are doing the right thing by expressing your concerns with your doctor, but just ensure you believe the tests. Also, with Zoloft, it will take a month or so to 'kick in' but it is by no means a cureall for this. I am a strong proponent of these types of medications as long as it is COMBINED withtalk therapy...only by learning about this condition will you gain long term relief from it in my experience with this. Continue to use this forum and keep working at it...not only will you get better, you will become a much more well rounded and stronger person for this experience...keep us posted!
Hope you get some relief soon.