borderline personality disorder? ocd? or just anxiety

ive recently come across borderline personality disorder. after doing research for a couple of hours, i think this might be my case. i fit the symptoms such as depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts about whats wrong with me, social anxiety, up and down with relationships, and indecisive. I tend to just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing because i dont really have an opinion. i suffer from pretty low self esteem sometimes, unless im around some of my good friends. im terrible at meeting new people, i dont know how to act around them and i get extremely nervous and freeze up. i always feel like other people are judging me too.. however, i do not really have random outbursts of rage for no reason. i remember getting mad as hell when i had a job at subway and customers would come in and annoy me. Like everything they did pissed me off some days, while other days i was fine. i have mood swings alot. i also used to have symptoms of HOCD. Ive posted a couple times on here already about this question but i always feel like i leave stuff out..

more about me is that i always seem to mimic other peoples personalities, like i dont have my own, at least in social situations. When im by myself im usually fine. Im also disorganized and lose things like my keys and wallet all of the time. I have a hard time focusing on things, and sometimes i take adderall (adderrall) and that makes me feel semi-normal for a while.

ive watched videos on youtube about poeple with borderline personality, and cant really tell if i have it or not. i may share some of the symptoms, but im not sure if they are all the way severe enough to be the disorder. Maybe i just have really bad anxiety?

and another thing im 21, i used to get in a lot of trouble throughout highschool with alcohol and stuff. my father died when i was 12, so maybe im just trying to find myself since i didnt really have a role model? or are these symptoms severe enough to be a disorder?

i still feel like im leaving stuff out... anyways.. any advice would be great. thanks.

[remar]

Keep posting as much as you need to if you feel you're leaving anything out. We're here to listen and help if we can.
I'm sorry but we can not give you a diagnosis, only your Dr can do that. We can give you our opinions and advice though.
Have you ever been in counseling, did you go after losing your father? If you have never been to therapy I would highly recommend it because I do think it may really help you.
Can I ask why you take Adderall (adderrall) and if your Dr prescribed it?

[ihatethiscrap]

No I have never been to counseling. My brother did tho but he is struggling pretty bad with his own problems. My dr. Prescribed it, but only because I wanted him to. I take it usually to study for finals. Or when I'm going to work. Im more social on it and for a while it seems to make me feel normal...
Im wondering if OCD can make you feel like you have borderline? And social anxiety and OCD combined can resemble borderline? Sometimes I'l feel like I definitely have it, but then other times I'll be like "what was I thinkin of course I don't" but it would explain why im so awkward around people and my alcohol abuse. I've never tried cutting myself or anything. Or even been suicidal at all. I play sports in college. When I'm alone I'm fine, it also when I'm alone my obsessive thoughts are there. When I'm around people that are outside my tight group of friends I feel anxious as hell inside. I'm really hoping I don't have bpd, but I do fit most of the symptoms. But I feel like mine are due to other reasons... Idk. What do u think? This is my form of therapy right now until I can afford to see a professional.

[ihatethiscrap]

No I have never been to counseling. My brother did tho but he is struggling pretty bad with his own problems. My dr. Prescribed it, but only because I wanted him to. I take it usually to study for finals. Or when I'm going to work. Im more social on it and for a while it seems to make me feel normal...
Im wondering if OCD can make you feel like you have borderline? And social anxiety and OCD combined can resemble borderline? Sometimes I'l feel like I definitely have it, but then other times I'll be like "what was I thinkin of course I don't" but it would explain why im so awkward around people and my alcohol abuse. I've never tried cutting myself or anything. Or even been suicidal at all. I play sports in college. When I'm alone I'm fine, it also when I'm alone my obsessive thoughts are there. When I'm around people that are outside my tight group of friends I feel anxious as hell inside. I'm really hoping I don't have bpd, but I do fit most of the symptoms. But I feel like mine are due to other reasons... Idk. What do u think? This is my form of therapy right now until I can afford to see a professional.

[ihatethiscrap]

i recently read another article on the bpd and it was talking about relationships and maturing and stuff.. it got me thinking back to old girlfriends and stuff and i realized i couldnt maintain a healthy relationship with these girls, thats why we broke up. my first one i broke up with her for no reason i think.. i guess i just didnt like it.. the one that really stuck out to me was the one when i graduated highschool. i noticed sometimes i would really love her, and sometimes i would think ahhh shes really makin me mad, im gunnna break up with her. i cant remember why i would feel this way with her.. i just would. it was also during this time that i was having really eractic behavior, getting drunk too much, doing crazy things, ext.. does this sound like the disorder? or just a teenager strugglilng being a teenager..

now im currently talking to two different girls. one for over a year, but it is a distance thing because we met over a summer when i was in a different state. we didnt intend on our relationship to turn into this but it has, and the other girl is one i met in college last semester. the second one was considered "my girlfirend" but i had no intention on that either. i didnt want to get involved with her because of the 1st long distance one. i just didnt feel the same about her. but then other times i do feel like i love her. same with the other chick thats distance, its like i dont know what i truely feel? maybe im just scared of commitment? or hesitant? or does this sound like the disorder?

and the other thing i saw from the article that got me thinking again was that people with the disorder sometimes wil be stuck in the same mental state or age as when the bad thing happened. i have been feeling like im not growing like the rest of my peers in terms of mentally and maturity.. but i usually just shrugged it off as being who i was or whatever.. now im starting to see all these things are characteristics of the disorder.. what do yall think?

[nursegirl6572]

The problem is, you are trying to figure this out yourself.  You need to leave that up to a professional.  You need to be assessed by a psychiatrist who can thoroughly evaluate you and offer you an accurate diagnosis.  They have very strict criteria they use to assist them in coming to an appropriate diagnosis.

From there, the psych will offer different treatment options, which would likely include medications and therapy.  Meds and therapy are both much more successful when used concurrently, rather than just one or the other.

Again, stop chasing your tail trying to figure this out.  You may very well be on the right path, but you clearly need to address this, as you've been stuck in  the anxiety cycle far too long.

[ihatethiscrap]

I want to see a therapist but I can't afford it right now. That's why I'm posting on this thing..

[nursegirl6572]

Have you tried looking into resources?  It may take a little work, but there are programs out there designed to help people who need help but cannot afford it.  Try by calling different psychiatrists in your area, explain your situation, and ask if they can make any recommendations for you.  They may be able to give you numbers to call, also, some will even offer affordable payment plans.  If you look in your local phone book, usually under something like "Human Services", or "Social Services", there should be numbers to call.  You can also look in your local county phone directory, there will be numbers there as well.  If you are really having trouble finding info, you can always call a crisis hotline (like a suicide hotline), they will always have resources available, too.  Just explain your situation.

I certainly understand that you're in a pickle. It's hard when you don't have the financial resources to afford the help you need, but again, you have to look for it.  There is nothing wrong with coming here for support and to vent, etc, but a site like this should be used as a tool, not as a substitute for real, in person professional help.

Give it a try, take some time and start making phone calls.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised.  Let us know what you find out!

[ihatethiscrap]

Il try that out.. What do u think tho? Sometimes I think I don't have it, and sometimes I do. Ive been checking and researching different sites almost every free chance I get.. An before this I was suffering through HOCD.. So maybe it's just another OCD obsession? I wouldn't say my symptoms are as severe as some people I've read about

[nursegirl6572]

Like we said, there is just no way any of us can say for sure what you're dealing with.  You can do all the research in the world, but a trained psychiatrist is the only one who can truly assess you and diagnose you.  I think you're obsessing over trying to pinpoint this, and it's only going to feed into your anxiety.

[Baffled21]

Sweet Jesus, we could easily be clones of one another.

Im also 21, and appear to be battling with the exact same things you are. I've had varying symptoms and severities of HOCD for the last seven months. Two days ago, I took a legal ecstasy tablet in an attempt to 'dive into myself.' I am now adamant that I have a personality disorder; the issue is, I can align my personality traits with those of a variety of personality disorders, but I am leaning towards the narcissistic one. If that is true, I have formed a false self, which, as I'm sure you can imagine, is fuelling my HOCD, as I am having intrusive thoughts telling me that my 'real self' is of course, gay. The latter is preventing me from actively pursuing treatment for a personality disorder that may or may not exist. What's more, psychotherapy is the choice treatment for personality disorders, but, is the thing to avoid for OCD, especially HOCD. We are in a pickle my friend.

I consulted my sister this morning, who is a month away from being a fully qualified doctor, and she doesn't think I have a personality disorder, having dealt with several in her studies. However, like you, I imbibe personality traits from others, and project them in social situations. I am also incomprehensibly reckless in every area of my life, and despite being at university, have never felt the need to work hard as I have been labouring under the delusion that I will surely amount to fame and riches through an unlikely turn of events; sounds pretty clinical of a false self doesn't it?

The one thing that leads me to believe that we may not have personality disorders is that we are pretty quick to recognise and accept them, whereas the literature I have read online is pretty condemning of the personally disorder, in particular the narcissist, as the symptoms are ego-syntonic, meaning that they are in line with the patients values, and they do not believe that they need to change.

I think that I personally demonstrate elements of personality disorders, but the real issue is terribly low self esteem, which would account for the HOCD, as it is a threat to what we really want to be, and what we see ourselves as.

A proper diagnosis is definitely the best course of action, but the issue is, who?! If I have OCD, and go to a psychotherapist, I am told that it will worsen my condition, and I have read horror stories about psychotherapists telling OCD patients that there thoughts are a result of there true suppressed feelings. If I pursue cognitive behavioural therapy, and I do have a personality disorder, I understand that it is relatively ineffective.