cant cope anymore ive had enough.

This is not like me but I can truly say ive had enough, I know what my problem is and that is long term use of benzoes, and I know now that it is these drugs that is making me feel the way I am. I have been on ativan (lorazepam) for 30years, I withdrew from tranzene as they took it of the market in england so they put me on valium to replace it, that was 2 years ago, I take 5mgs in the morning so I am now stuck on that, I have tried very hard to withdraw but the feelings I got was even worse, I take 4mgs of ativan daily, I worry that if I or my family got ill I just wouldent cope, the feelings in my head are dreadful my head is never clear it feels awlful. I cannot walk around any store without a trolly as I feel I am going to fall over I can no longer go out for a drink or a meal with my husband and family, I fear sociol gatherings and people are starting to notice, I have hidden my feelings for years just fighting them all the time, I know this sounds has if im feeling sorry for myself but please please beleave me that is not the case, all the doctors want to do is put me on more meds and I will not take anymore I want to be of them not take more I just feel so ill, I have a tight abderman that ive had for 2years thank god all tests have been normal, I just want my head to clear, I feel of balance, disentoriated and very angry that they have left me on these meds for all these years, Im so sorry for moaning but I would be happy for any advice.
janis.

[nursegirl6572]

Of course you're not "whining" or complaining...you are going thru a lot.

First of all...you are dreadfully over-medicated.  But, you know that already.  The second problem is...how in the heck do you get off this stuff after so long, at significantly high doses?  Let's look at this....

Do you get your meds prescribed from a family doc, or a psychiatrist?  If the former...then you need to ask your doc for a referral to a psychiatrist asap.  They would be much better equipped to manage you...meds, therapy, everything.

If you ARE seeing a psych, then I would strongly advise you to find a new one, like yesterday.  Throwing more and more pills (especially ones that cause dependence and tolerance) is not the answer, I couldn't agree with you more.

Now I KNOW the last thing you want to discuss is more/different pills!  Just hear me out for a minute.....

Have you ever TRIED an antidepressant?  Like Prozac...Zoloft???  If not...you may be surprised that you would be much better regulated on something like that in the long run, and with some time and work...you overall need for the benzos would decrease.

My other suggestion to you (and probably the more appropriate considering your history and situation) would be to ask your doc (the psych preferrably) about switching you to a daily regimen of Klonopin, which does NOT have the tolerance issues that Ativan has.  Valium is also appropriate to take long term, again without the tolerance problem... therefore, perhaps a GRADUAL slow (I'm talking this may take a WHILE) taper off the ativan, while implementing a new Valium schedule?  Or instead of the Valium...then the Klonopin.  Dosed twice a day, it keeps you at a steady level...instead of the "rescue" type benzos, like Ativan and Xanax, which are out of your system very quickly.

Bottom line here...is you DO have options!  It will be a rough transition certainly....but with the proper care and supervision...and a little work to find a better med combo for you....not to mention some intensive "talk" therapy...you can turn things around.  Hopefully, you've been in some sort of therapy to help you with the anxiety.  Meds can be very helpful...but combined with talk therapy...the NEED for the meds decrease...and plus you learn how to cope...how to tackle the anxiety in other ways instead of popping another pill.

Please stick around..there is oodles of wonderful information to be had here...and tons of support.  One day at a time at this point...but definitely some big changes need implemented, and if I were YOU...start with the doctor.  

I feel for you, I know you are in a rough situation, but please do not lose all hope.  Tale Care.

[greenlydia]

Nursegirl has said everything that can be said for your situation, and as a professional, she knows what she's talking about. Please listen to her every word!
I'm just here to also encourage you to not give up! I can't begin to believe that doctors have kept you on these types of meds for 30 YEARS!!!!!!! What they have done is to essentially "chemically restrain" you from feeling normal. They should ALL have their license to practice medicine revoked! It's a wonder it has taken you this long to have reached the point of wanting to give up! I applaud you for your incredibly strong sense of character and now for the courage to reach out for help you desire. You're one hell of a gal.
As nursegirl has said, you CAN do this. It won't be an easy road, but I imagine the past 30 years have not been so easy for you either, so we know you possess the fortitude to accomplish what lies ahead of you! And what lies ahead of you is a mental and physical freedom you haven't felt in 30 years!
If it was your psychiatrist that has been handing out these meds to you, then as nursegirl said, run away from him as far and as fast as possible! Call the English Board of Psychiatric Practioners (Or whatever it's called on your side of the pond) and request a pdoc that is WELL VERSED in dealing with the withdrawl (withdrawal) of folks on benzos. This doc will take you through the entire process and will ensure your safety and also offer you the emotional help you will need. Again, as nursegirl has said, don't immediately close your mind to the use of an anti-depressant while you are going through the withdrawl (withdrawal) process. After 30 years, you will no doubt feel some depression and these meds will only help you deal with that process. Once you are physically and emotionally over the withdrawl (withdrawal) process, it is more than likely you will be able to stop the anti-depressants as well, which are nowhere as hard to stop as benzos! Or you may need to stay on them for a while, but they will not affect you like the benzos.
I hope you stay with us and keep us posted on your journey. There are so many of us here who will be cheering you on or ready to help you through a rough patch or just to listen.............whatever you need, we'll be here!
We are all so proud that you are taking this step..........and that first step is always the hardest! But you've already DONE that.............so let nursegirl and I be the first to say "CONGRATULATIONS!"
You write us ANYTIME, OK?
Peace
Greenlydia

[nursegirl6572]

CONGRATULATIONS.....

I second that!!!!  And agree with lydia that you are WAY stronger than you think you are!

[ativan]

Thanks greatly for your replys, I get the meds on repeat percription from my doctor, I do have a consultant whom I see a week on monday, he did at one point change me over to valium but my body after 2 days went into shock with no ativan there my husband had to ring the late team docs and they told him to give me an ativan has the withdrawel was to quick? and within 15mins my body stopped shaking. I just want to feel normal, I have a wonderful daughter called kerry and a loving husband graham, I have no worries just the worry of the head feelings, but I know I have to be strong and do somthing to get of these dreadful drugs. oh by the way my consultant as always said I would be worse coming of the drugs than staying on them? They all know they have done wrong by allowing me to be left on them but hye they all stick together,
thanking you both for the input.
take care,
Janis

[Beewoman]

Hello,
My Mum in England was on Ativan for about 20 years and I agree with you that the doctors just all stick together and don't really LISTEN to you.  She did successfully come off the drug in the same way as nursegirl describes above.   She changed doctor, asked around first, in fact I think it was private as in the UK you cannot just change your doctor as easily as that.  She joined a support group in the next town, she was weened off the Ativan and slowly started Prozac and now 3 years later is taking nothing at all!

It was not easy, she felt depressed but the Prozac started to help her through it.  Talking with others who have been through the same thing can really help, it gives you strength to take the step.

You can do it and I admire you for what you have been through and the courage it has taken.

From an English girl living in America!

[ativan]

It would be great to know how much ativan your mum was taking? I do know there is no support groups where I live, I live in a small town called scunthorpe, the nearest city is lincoln, Did your mum get bad side affects from taking ativan? thanks for your reply I just know I have to do it but its scarey.
take care janis.

[virgo1969]

My dr. (not personal phys. just urgent care dr.)  just prescribed 10mg to be taken once daily of Paroxetine. He gave 100 pills (seems like a lot to me.)  I did not want to get on any anti-depressent medication as it has to be taken daily and the w/d coming off are very dangerous plus I don't like the fact of a medicine taking weeks to be effective. I have mild to moderate anxiety ( at times pretty severe) but it is not constant. It just depends like if it is a stressful situation or not. I have been going through some money issues with bills and all, (who hasn't?), so at times i have trouble sleeping or concentrating. I have used Ativan, Xanax and Librium in the past for these types of episodes and they worked fine. I am very iffy about anti-depressents.

So  I guess what my question is, should I even start to take the Prozac? Also does anyone have any advice at all? Anything would be appreciated.

P.S. I was almost clean from vicodin's for 6 months but fell off that wagon... ;(

Thanks!

[Beewoman]

Hi Janis, To answer your questions, I cannot tell you how much my Mum was taking of Ativan, I know that she took a few pills a day and it now even distresses her to talk about those days.  She does not like being reminded of that time when she was taking Ativan, so I don't think I should ask her.  She did have bad side effects, she would never talk about them but I could see she was suffering mentally from the meds.

As regards support groups, this forum is great as you can reach out to so many people.  It would really help you to be able to share your daily triumphs and frustrations as you are progressing with your decision to make a radical change, at least you have the web forums.  You could ask your "new" doctor about this as maybe he/she will be able to suggest something.

Let me know once you get a new doctor, someone you can rely on to guide you through this.

Bev

[ativan]

Hi Bev,
Thats fine I can understand your mum, I bet they were dark days for her, just like I feel these doctors have alot to answer to, If I felt well enough I think I would try and sue the drug companies, But I would do anything to have a clear head if I had millions in the bank I would give it all away if they could clear my head, I will keep you posted.
take care,
Janis.

[lowT]

If you are worried about the 4 to 6 week period it takes for the Anti Depressants to kick in it would be a good idea to take Valium with it while waiting for them to work, this is what my Psychiatrist did with me.
I am unable to take the AD's unfortunately because i am very sensitive to the side effects, you may get none.