done and over it. im getting my life back.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my anxiety and decided I'm fed up and done with it. I had horrible anxiety when I was younger. I even dropped out of high school because I couldn't go to school because of the panic attacks. But at 19 for no apparent reason the anxiety left. No counseling or pills, it just disappeared. For 4 years I was pretty much anxiety free. I'd get anxious over things, but with good reason. I drove from maryland to los angeles by myself and had some panic attacks during the drive but that was a hell of a drive for a 21 year old to do alone. I miss my life. I miss the fun I had. I miss eating whatever I wanted to eat instead of bland foods because I'm nauseous from anxiety. I don't care how awful I feel. I'm living my life again. Panic attacks or not. I read back over my posts and I just want to laugh at how stupid this anxiety is. I have no idea why it came back or why its manifesting itself differently than it did when I was younger but I've had it. So hopefully the next time I post something it will be about how much better I'm doing now that I've stopped worrying about my anxiety. I plan on booking a flight to vegas very soon to see my friend. I've been putting it off for over a year because I've been too anxious, even though 4 years ago I flew every month for an entire year.

so there it is. I don't know if it will work, but I'm done letting my anxiety control what I do.

[cheshchesh819]

good for you,it is a nightmare and as you said we panic over any little thing,it is the worst thing to go through and i wouldnt wish it on anyone,but with alot of support and the will to get through it you can beat it,i am going away next saturday i have to travel on a motorway to get to the airport and it is my worst fear,but i am not going to let my anxiety ruin mine and my families holiday.

[JGF25]

That is a wonderful first step...telling yourself you are going to put this past you and not let it control your life.  

If you have not read the book Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani, I recommend giving it a try.  It is only about $10 and it has 4.5 stars on Amazon.  I gained a lot of insight from this book and also a lot of strategies to combat the anxiety when it starts.  

Best of luck Erin!!  

[Persephone3576]

You sound like I did about 13 years ago. I found myself living in a metaphorical box that kept getting smaller and smaller. I couldn't spend the night away from home without having a major panic attack. I missed my family Thanksgiving because I couldn't travel to my mom's. And I too decided I had had enough. So I started out small, just spending the night at a friend's 30 minutes from home. It was hard, but I did it. Next, I went a couple of hours from home, and I did okay with that. Then, I went to my mom's, which was a few hours away. And finally, I went to Costa Rica, a foreign country! Where I didn't speak the language! It was scary, but it was also exhilirating to know that I had beaten that particular brand of anxiety.

Looking back, I don't know how I did it without medication. I may have had some Xanax on hand, but I don't remember taking it. I think I just made up my mind. I'm not saying this works for everyone, but I think it works for situational anxiety. This was a particular anxiety triggered by being away from home, and that made it easier to address. I think the generalized anxiety I have now is tougher.

Anyway, I wish you luck, and feel free to message me if you want to chat more.

[stirewalt]

That is wonderful i am very happy for you

[erin626]

So an update. Since ive posted this i've been dealing well with my anxiety. Ive been doing what i want to do and have forced myself to do things even if my anxiety is acting up. This sunday my boyfriend and i have reservations at a restaurant and one of my biggest fears is eating in public. I HATE eating in restaurants and do my best to avoid it and if i cant i'll just pick at my food and then wrap it up to take home. So my next hurdle is this restaurant thing. My boyfriend and i havent been on a date in over a year and im not going to let anxiety ruin it.

[Persephone3576]

Erin, good luck with the date! Let us know how it goes.

[nursegirl6572]

I'm happy to hear you're turning things around a bit..sometimes getting mad at anxiety is more therapeutic than anything else we can do.  Take the control back!

Anxious to hear how you're doing!  :0)

[erin626]

Thanks! I had a setback yesterday and was incredibly anxious because my landlord is crazy and kept harassing me. But I figured even people without anxiety would be stressed about that so I didn't let it get me down. Even though I was having a panic attack I went to work which was a great accomplishment.

I'm very mad at my anxiety. I realised how much time I've been wasting just sitting around, too anxious to go enjoy myself. I used to have so much fun and traveled all the time. I'd rather be anxious doing the things I want to do than be home, doing nothing because I let the anxiety take control.

Although I am really nervous about dinner on sunday lol

[nursegirl6572]

"I'd rather be anxious doing the things I want to do than be home, doing nothing because I let the anxiety take control."

^^^  A VERY profound statement!

You touched on an important issue.  Once we are struck with debilitating anxiety...even when we get better, we are hard on ourselves ANY time we're anxious, even though people without anxiety disorders would still experience anxiety in certain circumstances.  We have to learn how to accept that we'll NEVER be completely anxiety free and that's OK.  Many life situations cause stress and anxiety...we just need to learn how to work through them and not let our anxiety get out of control.  We easily become frustrated because we become anxious...when, at certain times, it is totally normal!  We get so caught up in the anxiety after so long that we forget how to judge what is appropriate anxiety and what is unhealthy anxiety.

Dinner will be great.  Use your coping techniques and just focus on the moment....remember what it feels like to REALLY enjoy yourself!  Even if you have a rough moment or two, that's okay.  Better to try and not have a perfect experience than to avoid it all together!  You'll have a nice time.  take some pics!  Get all gussied up, you'll feel like a princess!

Loving your attitude!  Keep it up!!!

[Camleh10]

I just read this and made up my mind that this anxiety ******** has got to stop and even if it doesn't I'm going to keep living my life. I have wasted to many chances and gave up to many things that I wanted to do because of my anxiety. I've had enough! Thank you for the inspiration! Goodluck at dinner tomorrow, I'm sure you will have an amazing time! :) Best wishes!

[erin626]

I'm so glad I could be an inspiration. This hasn't been easy at all. Its really hard to get myself to run errands or go to the store in the midst of a panic attack but I've done it and I'm still alive!! That's the best part. I dread all these situations because I'm scared of getting a panic attack but I was at the grocery store and had one and yea I was uncomfortable but I'm ok. Nothing bad happened. I just felt like doo doo for about 30minutes. I thought in my head..so what if I can't breathe? So what if I feel dizzy? What's the worst that could happen? And I thought about worst case scenarios and none were really that bad. So if I got so dizzy that I fainted in the store, someone would call 911 and I'd be fine. But none of my worst case scenarios happened. And I think if I keep going out and keep fighting the panic and realizing that it ***** but won't hurt me then I'll be better off in the long run.

[Camleh10]

I've never really thought about it that way! You are totally right though, out of how many times that we thought we were going to faint, stop breathing, or go crazy did it actually happen!? none! It's hard to think positive while having such crazy thoughts but really thats all it takes I guess. Thank you so much, really! Keep me posted on how everything is going for you! I wish you the best :)

[erin626]

I will definitley let you know how its going. I had a good day today. I get anxiety over eating and today I ate food like a normal person...not just toast or noodle soup. And I got crazy anxious after eating but I'm still ok! Its very liberating.