Aa
fear of HIV
I posted in the HIV forum a couple of times and they have basically told me not to worry because I had a no risk situation. But my 8 week test is coming up on friday and im full of fear. Im on exchange right now and have been so worried about this that my work has been declining..I've shut myself of in my room and the fear and depression is eating me alive I dunno what to do. I came on exchange to have adventure relax a bit and hopefully find a girl friend...I know weird reasons eh. I almost had it all till i went traveling for 6 weeks ended up in macau and when my plane was delayed and I was put in a hotel with a lot of carnal pleasures. I ended up exploring and getting the notion it would be a good idea to visit the sauna. one thing led to another and I ended up losing my Virginity to one of the sex workers their. But i can't forgive myself for this. The hole event feels like a bad dream. I had urges to do this while traveling but thought of this girl here always kept me grounded. Some how when i got to that sauna the urge overtook my reason I didn' t even think of her or HIV till it was all over then all i felt is fear. Now im dealing with fears of catching HIV which if I do have will lead to my family cutting all contacts with me cause they trusted me on this trip. As well as betraying the trust of this girl who could have been my first potential girl friend. I have so much anger at myself and cant stop thinking about this. I dunno what to do i feel if I forgive myself Im letting myself off easy and if i dont take the test like the HIV forum suggested ill get back home and find out that i was infected and won't be able to live with myself. I cant handle this i need some help. thanks
ok this is my last post I'm just really worried...I had my 8 week test and it cam back negative...But I'm in allot of pain my neck is swollen, theirs a hard bump behind my ear, sometimes have trouble breathing, pressure in my head and what feels like swelling in my neck and armpit. I get a pain in my groin and sides...is this all stress????the doctor looked at me and said he didn't know why....like i have been REALLY stressed out for 2 months could this be after effects...cause if it was HIV the test would have picked up by now....any advice?
Ok so the 8 week came back negative I was advised to do a 13 week cheak.....I can relax a little more....YAHOOO
lol sorry your profile says female. But thanks i wish good will was enough to put this behind me.Ill see Monday then get back on my high horse. and all my muscles will stop aching from stress. ttyl boss never get yourself into this mess...i didn't think i would either...
I hope God forgive...i need to accept this and see my test result so i can relax. Thanks for the kind words Im surprised hearing it from a women lol. But thanks...i hope your right about the tests and the infections. i appreciate it and plz take care
dude....for real...quit bugging out. you didn't get aids. and if she had a condom with her in the sauna she WAS a hooker! now u have a story to tell your grandkids...."back in the day pap pap..........." hahaha
stop drinking and seek help for your anxiety disorder. your test will come back 100% fine. i guarnatee you this. NO STD's at all. now go find a girlfriend. in the future you may find you that you payed way less for the hooker than a real girlfriend costs. believe me! and GOD forgives!
stop drinking and seek help for your anxiety disorder. your test will come back 100% fine. i guarnatee you this. NO STD's at all. now go find a girlfriend. in the future you may find you that you payed way less for the hooker than a real girlfriend costs. believe me! and GOD forgives!
because i lost it in that situation...dammit i gave in and i let her do everything without really understanding what i got myself into. it was jsut to much. And now i need to know im clena to move on and I vant it hurts to much that that girl found out and now I'm alone again. I CANT EVEN REMEMBER THE SEX i was teriffied. now I'm afraid I'm infected and cant move on not just with HIV but something else it hit me to strong what i did after. I wanted a gf in the end i just gave into my hormones. YAY i feel like its divine punishment if i get something
so what you worried for then? You had no risk and you dont need to really test but if it helps then fine. It will be negative though if it is your first time and you used a condom....Just remember to ALWAYS use a condom in future then you dont need to worry. The condom stops the other person's fluids from getting into your penis....ie it's as though you didnt put ur penis in if you see what I mean. HIV needs blood/seamen/vaginal fluid to transmit and these fluids cant get through condoms. This is why you had zero risk because you used a condom and it was intact when you took it out.
it wasrnt a hooker she worked in the sauna in Macau...and yes she provided it. And to my knowledge it didn't break.
hey mik13,
sharp pains in the groin are so common in all the people i have talked to in your situation. it is amazing how the mind communicates issues that have not been properly dealt with such as guilt, fear, and disappointment by physical manifestations!
you describe being in fear everyday, hard to breath, and pains in your groin. all of these are classic for anxiety and i am confident you will find relief if you try the relaxation videos on youtube AND the Rational exercise i told you about.
think about it this way, given your exposure, you are 99% safe and you very well know it. the anxiety in your mind exaggerates that little remaining 1% into 1000%. keep reminding yourself that you had safe sex and are 99% safe all you want is that 1% confirmation and then you can put all this behind you forever :)
also, continue to pray for your wellbeing medically and psychologically. sure you messed up, but once you prove to yourself that you are negative for any illnesses, you can resume that happy life once again and be greatful for what you already have. there is light at the end of the tunnel, but only if you are willing to see it again!
God bless,
Psyc786
sharp pains in the groin are so common in all the people i have talked to in your situation. it is amazing how the mind communicates issues that have not been properly dealt with such as guilt, fear, and disappointment by physical manifestations!
you describe being in fear everyday, hard to breath, and pains in your groin. all of these are classic for anxiety and i am confident you will find relief if you try the relaxation videos on youtube AND the Rational exercise i told you about.
think about it this way, given your exposure, you are 99% safe and you very well know it. the anxiety in your mind exaggerates that little remaining 1% into 1000%. keep reminding yourself that you had safe sex and are 99% safe all you want is that 1% confirmation and then you can put all this behind you forever :)
also, continue to pray for your wellbeing medically and psychologically. sure you messed up, but once you prove to yourself that you are negative for any illnesses, you can resume that happy life once again and be greatful for what you already have. there is light at the end of the tunnel, but only if you are willing to see it again!
God bless,
Psyc786
ok i need your advice...I'm getting sharp pains in my groin...my hand and I always feel like its hard to breath...I can't really handle this most days including today....i keep on thinking even if I didn't get HIV i caught something...i dunno some weird Sauna house disorder...everyday is fear. on top of that i feel so alone here all the guys in my block have gf it reminds me of what i messed up. How did i do this to myself? It's not fair I'm not a bad person all i wanted was to be happy and abroad. I told my friends what happened and everyone is praying but how do i know I'm gonna be ok?I want to erase this event so badly. which i just stayed in my country....
I can't get that done for you quite yet i decided to go to Cambodia over my study break and now i have a mid term tomorrow, i drank allot to try to calm myself down and now need to study. So ill get that list for you tomorrow night ahah.and ill let you know the result of my test. as for the book store well im in Singapore its expensive between the prostitute and my trip im kinda broke ahaha...its ok ill use youtube and if im positive im getting deported so please be patient with my response. So pray for me and ill talk to you soon.
you're welcome. i can't believe you are the one who said "from what i can see my girl was safe if you went throw the same thing as me you should be fine." i am very glad to hear you think in such a healthy RATIONAL AND REALISTIC way!!!
i would really like to see the results of the task i gave you by tomorrow.
also, i would like to know your results from the hiv test on friday whenever they become available.
lastly, you really need to get some sleep. lack of sleep is a huge contributor to anxiety, depression, and pain the following day! consider using over the counter items such as a low dose of Benadryl which is safe and is not addictive. if it is anxiety that keeps you up at night, consider purchasing a cd for Deep Muscle Relaxation from a bookstore such as Barnes and Nobles, they are amazing. for a sample video or audio of relaxation tapes, seach on Youtube and try it out.
God bless,
Psyc786
i would really like to see the results of the task i gave you by tomorrow.
also, i would like to know your results from the hiv test on friday whenever they become available.
lastly, you really need to get some sleep. lack of sleep is a huge contributor to anxiety, depression, and pain the following day! consider using over the counter items such as a low dose of Benadryl which is safe and is not addictive. if it is anxiety that keeps you up at night, consider purchasing a cd for Deep Muscle Relaxation from a bookstore such as Barnes and Nobles, they are amazing. for a sample video or audio of relaxation tapes, seach on Youtube and try it out.
God bless,
Psyc786
man I cant help you...until i help myself that hotel is a **** hole.I went to macau for hte food and didn't really resurch and never even know that prostitution was so high...pardon my language. You have to be really low to go their to begin with, i was placed their by the airport. but that sauna offers to much temptation.from what i can see my girl was safe if you went throw the same thing as me you should be fine. I dunno i really dun like the personal message thing. We don't know who each other is so just relax maybe by reading our posts others who did the same thing will start talking as well.
I also went to that macau sauna and I have been afraid ever since. Seeing your post actually increased my anxiety. Mik13 do you mind pming me?
thanks for your assurance...haha its 5:30 am now and haven't been able to sleep. Im only 22 so this is hard for me. I will do your paper task with the columns maybe it will help.It's weird i realized that i convinced myself a long while back that a prostitute would be ok...i dunno why and no matter how much a tried to change that thinking it got me in the end. The girl i like found out and now dosent even look at me in the eyes so that guilt mixed with HIV fear is destroying everything. but ill go for this test on Friday expect a negative and admit this mistake happened and not look back. thanks again for your kind words and I really do appreciate it.
hey mik13,
I sense you are feeling a lot of anxiety, anger, and guilt over the situation you placed yourself in. I'm sure the worst part for you is that you can't take back this bad decision you feel you have made. I can feel your anxiety because i myself was in a similiar situation very recently and that is why i decided to reply.
The fact that you are so worried about this tells a lot about you as a person, a person who is a moral citizen of society and can't believe he did such a thing. I urge you to start by reminding yourself that now matter who u are, you are not perfect, you are a human being and a male at that :) What has happened has happened and nor you or i can take our actions back. from this point on, we can choose to beat ourselves up about our actions or take action! the worst feeling of all is called helplessness and that is what has really got you down. taking action changes that and puts the ball back in your court.
start with making two columns on a piece of paper. label one side Evidence For Ruining My Life with HIV and the other side Evidence Against. write down as much evidence as you can for ruining your life or not and your risk factors from the exposure and i guarantee at the end, you will find that it is your Irrational thinking that is getting you upset, depressed, angry, guilty, fearful, anxious, etc.
Instead of "forgiving" yourself, simply admit that you made a mistake. But vow to never make the same mistake and learn from it. get the HIV test as instructed and any other std test recommended to you. i don't know your exact risk from exposure to hiv but reading your previous posts, it sounds like you were well protected!
Let this situation be a response to an normal urge. i know reading pasts posts gives you some reassurance but remember all you are doing is living in the past. its only when you start taking action and looking at the future will you ever get over this anger, depression and guilt.
lastly, give yourself a more credit than you have been. for one you had safe sex. second, you seem like a good hard-working member of society. you are doing the responsible thing by getting tested. the rest is up to God. you seemed to have learned a lot from this situation and that has made you stronger for the future.
God bless,
Psyc786.
I sense you are feeling a lot of anxiety, anger, and guilt over the situation you placed yourself in. I'm sure the worst part for you is that you can't take back this bad decision you feel you have made. I can feel your anxiety because i myself was in a similiar situation very recently and that is why i decided to reply.
The fact that you are so worried about this tells a lot about you as a person, a person who is a moral citizen of society and can't believe he did such a thing. I urge you to start by reminding yourself that now matter who u are, you are not perfect, you are a human being and a male at that :) What has happened has happened and nor you or i can take our actions back. from this point on, we can choose to beat ourselves up about our actions or take action! the worst feeling of all is called helplessness and that is what has really got you down. taking action changes that and puts the ball back in your court.
start with making two columns on a piece of paper. label one side Evidence For Ruining My Life with HIV and the other side Evidence Against. write down as much evidence as you can for ruining your life or not and your risk factors from the exposure and i guarantee at the end, you will find that it is your Irrational thinking that is getting you upset, depressed, angry, guilty, fearful, anxious, etc.
Instead of "forgiving" yourself, simply admit that you made a mistake. But vow to never make the same mistake and learn from it. get the HIV test as instructed and any other std test recommended to you. i don't know your exact risk from exposure to hiv but reading your previous posts, it sounds like you were well protected!
Let this situation be a response to an normal urge. i know reading pasts posts gives you some reassurance but remember all you are doing is living in the past. its only when you start taking action and looking at the future will you ever get over this anger, depression and guilt.
lastly, give yourself a more credit than you have been. for one you had safe sex. second, you seem like a good hard-working member of society. you are doing the responsible thing by getting tested. the rest is up to God. you seemed to have learned a lot from this situation and that has made you stronger for the future.
God bless,
Psyc786.
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