help :<

[jef45]

Is there anything that can help me get over my fear of people my age?

[MrGreen]

Fear of people your own age? You mean you have like a social phobia? Where you go all shy and the likes around people. Just trying to understand your problem. The best way is to face it full on. But it can also be the hardest way. Do you know why fear people your age? Ever beaten up by them. Humiliated by them? Things just don't start for no reason. Would also be great to find the root cause and work on things from there. But we need to know a little more. What it is you fear and the likes. It might help you get a better answer.

[toejam_muncher]

thats and odd question. i don't mean to be rude...it's just not something many people ask. you didn't provide any details so it's hard to give you a good answer...but i can say that i am deeply uncomfortable talking to guys my own age. i never got over it...i know why i am the way i am....but that doesn't fix anything. anyway i guess you start by finding out what causes the fear and then as with any fear, you try to desensitize it via exposure. i have never really dealt with my issue but to be honest, once you're out of school things like that don't effect you as much. you get to decide for yourself who you're going to surround yourself with, and it's generally not people you're uncomfortable with.

anyway...if you could provide more details, you may get better responses. i don't really know that anything i said was of any help to your situation.

[Paxiled]

Because you suffer from depression and anxiety, your thinking isn't rational.  Until you find a therapist that works for you, that will stay the case, unless it just goes away as mysteriously as these things appear -- that does happen.  But the rational side of it is, from this distance, when we're anxious people, we tend to be very judgmental, of others and ourselves, because we're on alert all the time.  The best treatments for a judgmental mind are taken from Buddhism -- a lot of our psychology derives from Eastern philosophy.  I had a Buddhist girlfriend for a while, and going to retreats with her was helping me see all this in a more accepting way, but when we broke up, I never pursued it on my own due to my anxiety problems keeping me from getting around.  And since you're also depressed, you're probably very resistant to change.  If you can get to acceptance, and you're much younger than I was when I started learning this, you won't see all these others out there as threats and competition.  Not that I'm able to live this way, but life isn't a competition -- if you're breathing, you're winning, there are no accomplishments, really, there are just people with initiative and people without.

[jef45]

I know WHY I'm afraid of them, I just can't seem to get over it ::<) but it just snaps back.  My family can't afford therapy, and we don't believe in mind altering meds.  No matter how much I think it over, I still can't put the fear behind me.  I'd love to just snap my fingers and it be gone like some people seem to be expecting me to, but I don't know how.  Any suggestions?

[Julie359]

Maybe if you can explain in more detail as to why you are afraid then we could maybe give you some ideas and advice on how to overcome your fear.  Medication isn't for everyone... so maybe something called exposure therapy would help.  You say you can't afford therapy so maybe we could guild you a little to get you started in the right direction.  

Exposure therapy is where you slowly, bit by bit expose yourself to the sitaution you fear.  For example if you have a fear of people, maybe go to a public place and just sit in a crowed area where you will be around alot of people but to begin with you don't have to interact with them.  Then once you feel comfortable with that, then maybe sit in a more confined place like a pub... sit and have a soft drink etc... and maybe have a brief conversation with the person who is serving you..

This may not be your situation but this is just an idea of how to start to expose yourself to your fear... bit by bit.  Only when you feel comfortable then go on to the next step.  

Hense why a bit more of how, why and in what situations you become fearful might help us to work something out.

[jef45]

They basically persecuted me for about a year or two.  This guy and his friends kept saying I was stalking him, which I wasn't.  I tried to avoid looking at them, but they still kept insisting it was true.  Now I can't look at people, and whenever I have to be around them I freak out.  It doesn't matter if I know them or not; if they're my age I freak out.  We had to work in groups with some of the new students and I had a panic attack in the bathroom.  People keep saying i'm just stuck up, but I just can't handle being around them.  I've tried to overcome it by doing little things like eating in crowded places, but it does me absolutly no good at all.

[MrGreen]

I wouldn't give up bro. Nobody is saying you have to go places and stay for an hour. I am talking ten minutes. Max. Slow process. Be it a library. Always people in there. But it doesn't have to be one were there will be people you know. We can work up to that. Plus I would check out to see if your school has any councilors. People you can go and talk to? Most schools have them. It is free as well. This is something for you. Your family doesn't have to know about it. But believe in yourself. Not what those other idiots once said about you. You know the kind of person you really are. And I bet you are far better than any of those fools. They just like to run people down. We like to pick them back up here. You are young. You have a whole life out there. One that a few idiots wanted to ruin for you. No way. Not on our watch. That life is something we are going to take back. Be it bit by bit. One step at a time. But you have to be up for it. It may mean putting yourself out there. Were it hurts most of all. Seeing that panic passes just as it comes on. The more you see that the less harder it will become. You can do it. You are a bigger person than those other idiots.

[Julie359]

Can i ask Jef how old are you?  You mentioned you are at school, are you still at school now?

And as MrGreen said you are by far better than those boys who picked on you.  They are the ones with the problems, they need to bully to feel secure with who they are, they need to bully to feel worthy of themselves.  I bet you any money that the boys who picked on you are being abused in someway themselves, maybe by someone they live with.  

When you think about them instead of holding anger and resentment towards them, look at them with pity and see that they are lost and in their own way crying out for help... they do this by inficting their pain and misery on someone who is vunerable or quiet and they know will not stand up to them... they are cowards Jeff, nothing but cowards!!

Start slowly and bit by bit, we know how scary facing your fear can be, we are all facing our fears... you can add myself as a friend and the others i'm sure so if you need someone to open up to and ask for advice we can answer you in a more private way...if that is what you would like.  MrGreen is a friend of mine on here as well... i'm sure he will help if you feel male advice is needed...

Hope this helps you.... all the best Julie x