how to get out of mental disorder

hi good day. I dont know how to start it but, its regarding my emotional disorder i think, for almost 11 years i got this sickness in emotional disorder that everywhere i go i think people are against me that when somethings goes wrong i'm the one to blame or @ fault. But the truth is i worry to much i always think of what the people say regarding me.because of this worrying i become aloof to other. or i should say that im a paranoid it always hindered me to go forward and now for almost 3 years in my job in field for every thing bad happen i blame myself or i think my colleagues are persecuting me for something i didnt take. Right now im still employed but i limit my self at home thinking what did i do to deserved it and i almost commit suicides. but when i saw my son i know its not my time to die i know it sounds morbid but i didnt know what to do. so please answer my question thanks and god bless

[lost_myself]

It sounds to me like you have a a very low self image , I also have had this poblem. it is a very hard cycle to break once the negative thoughts start holding you captive..
The best I can do for you is give you an excerpt out of a book i read that helped me break the cycle...I really hope this helps...

Regardless of who has spoken negative words into your life - a parent, a spouse, a coach, or a teacher - you must cast those words down. Words are powerful. They can create barriers in your heart and mind. Sometimes one little phrase can hold us back for years.

A friend of mine used to travel as an assistant with a well-known minister. One day, a man came to the hotel and wanted the minister to pray for him. The associate told the man, "I'm sorry, but the minister can't be disturbed. He's resting and getting prepared for the meeting tonight."

But this man refused to take no for an answer. He was extremely aggressive and determined. My friend remained kind and courteous, trying to placate the unexpected visitor. But the caller continued to press.

Finally, my friend said, "How about this? I will pray for you. I work with the minister every day. I'll be glad to pray for you."

At that, the obnoxious man turned his nose up. He said, "I don't think so. You won't do."

The words stung: "You won't do." The implicit message was "You are not good enough. Your prayers can't get the job done."

My friend later told how those words seared through his heart and mind day after day. "You won't do." Lying in bed at night, he'd think, You don't have what it takes. You're not anointed like the famous preacher. You can't help a soul.

The young man already struggled with his confidence, but now he was allowing these negative words to play repeatedly in his subconscious mind. He couldn't shake them off, and instead allowed those negative words to hold him down for years.

Too many people don't have the confidence and the self-esteem they should because they're constantly dwelling on negative thoughts about themselves. I don't say this arrogantly, but in my mind, all day long I try to remind myself: I am anointed. I am creative. I am talented. I am successful. I have the favor of God. People like me. I'm a victor and not a victim.

Try it! If you go around thinking those kinds of thoughts, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, or inferiority won't have a chance with you. Throw your shoulders back, put a smile on your face, and be looking for opportunities to stretch into the next level.

Back in the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they hid. In the cool of the day, God came to them and said, "Adam, Eve, where are you?"

They said, "God, we're hiding because we are naked."

I love the way God answered them. He said, "Adam, who told you that you were naked?" In other words, "Who told you that something was wrong with you?" God immediately knew the enemy had been talking to them.

[Paxiled]

Personally, I recommend therapy to find the root of your insecurity.