i feel like im loosing my mind. i BEG of you to reply. HELP!

okay... so basically ive been lurking around the forum for some time now and i really feel like now is the time to find out whats going on. im so scared and anxious and i feel like im on the edge at all times. this is going to be pretty long but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE finish reading it and anyone who can help i will be SO appreciative... so im 21 male and ever since 8th grade i was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. my doctor at that time put me on zoloft/concerta/stratera and another medicine that was supposed to help. i took the medicine for about 2-3 years and then one day realized that i didnt need/want to take them anymore because i felt i was "normal." once i stop taking my medicine i began to self medicate myself with marijuana. For the next 2-3 years i smoked daily and very heavily. i noticed that for some reason the weed made me calm and i started doing better in school and got along better with people. so i kept at it even though i noticed i began to see things differently and was always very anxious and had several panic attacks. but i smoked through it and eventually it went away.. recently i just finished my 2-year college and got accepted to a university. To celebrate couple buddies and i decided to try extacy. i took 1.5 and then another .5 and had a great experience. However, the day after i felt empty headedd and confused and for some reason ended up with another panic attack and was rushed to the E.R. the hospital did blood and urine tests and found nothing out of the ordinary... at that time my mind was more clear and i felt decent. however the following day i the stomach flu and for the next week i was nauseus/diarreah/dizzy/weak and the whole time i was worried that it was the extacy that did it to me. i was CONVINCED that i had made my self retarded by taking those pills. Finally after about a week into the flu, i got better....... This is when things started to get scary for me.... one day as i was driving my girlfriend to a store i realized that my perception of vision changed... i looked at these bushes and for some reason it was different than how i usually seen them. this scared the sh!t out of me and i went home right away and started googling my symptoms... what i found was depersonalization/derealization and i believe that i have that.... i started to feel scared and cold...from that day on.. i QUIT SMOKING WEED AND DRINKING. in the beginning i thought that it could be the withdrawal symptoms of marijuana but it still hasnt gotten better and its been 3 week. For the next 2 weeks i had panic attacks (controllable) through out the day. s. i would start breathing extremely fast/sweat profusely/was unable to swallow my spit/got chills and heat flashes/ and had the WORSE sense of ultimate DOOM i felt i was going CRAZY, INSANE, LOCO! .... i googled those symptoms and thought that i had panic disorder or GAD but i didnt fit all the symptoms... eventually i got around to going back to the doctor (psychiatrist) and he told me he thought that it was just my depression and my anxiety kicking back in. he suspected maybe it was symptoms of bipolar but no one in my family has that... i dont hear voices, see hallicination, think people are after me... so the doctor put me on 50mg zoloft and 25mg seroquel. First night with seroquel i had the CRAZIEST dreams as if i was awake in them but the whole time i was knocked out!!!.... then second day i felt like i was on extacy... i felt my eyes were wide open/griding my teeth/ dry mouth/ hard time swallowing my spit/ and my feet/hands sweat SOOOO much and i have this wierd taste in my mouth everytime i breathe out. 3rd day... which is today, i woke up feeling fine... and was googling side effects of the medicine and found so many negative effects and started to freak out...ive been feeling like a zombie, like my brain is dead and that i was just born today... the past is a blur and i see no future for myself only doom and life in a mental hospital.... i dont feel so much depersonalized as just weird now and whenever i look around things arnt 2-D but it seems hazy and feels like im still stuck in a dream that i cant get out of....please i know this was long but someone please help me and let me know whats going on.. im terrified and if this goes on... i rather just jump off a building than live like this... im starting to not trust my doctor and i second guess every move i take.. please.. thank you for any comments...

- Scared to go Crazy

[dlin420]

also... the zoloft or seroquel (not sure which one ) makes me so irritable. i snap at my girlfriend and family and feel like just screaming into a pillow or punching holes in the walls because im so frustrated im not getting better. i heard that you should wake 1-2 weeks before feeling "normal" again but i dont know if maybe my body is just weird. i feel like when i was off the meds i had a better sense of life.. and now my brain just feels DEAD to emotions... i cant even cry when i want to... please im just so scared....

[dlin420]

oh yea.. dont know if i mentioned it.. but my anxiety feel like its even worse after i take the meds.. i feel like at any second im going to wake up.. but i dont... cuz its real and my heart feels like its going to jump out of my chest and the bottom of my stomach burns a lil...

[amish1979]

The first 1-2 weeks on a new med can be WORSE than the symptoms you are trying to suppress.  It's usually only after 4-5 weeks that the meds will actually feel like they are "working".  If you can manage the initial side-effects than stick with it for a few more weeks before you decide that it isn't working.

[dlin420]

^^ thanks amish... also my eye sight seems weird. not blurry but weird.. hard to explain but its when im wearing my glasses... i see the frame and my eyes feel like they cant focus on one thing too long unless its when im zoning out... any comments would be appreciated!!! im sitting in front of the computer... waiting. pathetic i know

[scaredjo]

could it av been the extacy that set you off wi anxiety?

[amish1979]

I have/had something like this.  It's kind a tunnel-vision that one would get in a dangerous (fight-or-flight) situation.  Unfortunately our oversensitized brains now think they are in a dangerous situation AT ALL TIMES so now you have the tunnel-vision.  I've had it pretty much constantly for a while.  It gets better as I get better, meaning I either don't notice it as often any more or it actually really isn't there as often any more.

Basically you are in permanent fight-or-flight and you need to find ways to relax.

**Of course that's just my opinion on what you are experiencing.  That's what it was for me, may not hold true for you.

[dlin420]

wow.. i really hope that is whats going on.. also i noticed when im alone.. it gets worse, when im out, its okay, but if im out too late ( pass 1-2 am ) i get the depersonalizaed feeling... also i noticed when i talk to people it helps a LOT too. after i talk to people or hear about how they got better i feel hopeful again and it gives me a positive happy charge

[dlin420]

i dont know if it was the extacy that set it off... but i think that the THOUGHT of extacy messing up my brain couldve trigged it to where im scared im permanently damaged.. because i notice when i talk to my friends about the experience and/or other drug experiences (marijuana) i get all anxious and edgy again. BTW ( ive NEVER done coke,heroin,LSD,speed, etc etc ,) just a lotta kush and my pill count is 3 TOTAL. and im never doing **** AGAIN. i even stop drinking beers on social occasions... im hoping its partially marijuana withdrawal.....

[everyminutelive]

I would stay in close contact with my doctor and make sure you describe every little thing that has happened like you did in this forum. You have a lot going on right now, going off of pot after that many years of smoking daily isn't going to be pleasant, you are going to have some symptoms and three weeks isn't the end all wait a couple more until you get the full picture. Find a way to relax, meditate or something. I don't think you are in a permanent state from the extececy. I have felt that way before in high school when I did LSD but it went away. Just remember to breath. Keep taking your meds, stay in CLOSE contact with your doctor and wait out the withdrawals of the weed. This is just my advice, hang in their man you will be fine.

[scaredjo]

kk i did extacy once and was sik it really screwed my head up i did LSD too im talkin many moons ago but drugs really screw u up especially if you have that tendancy to have anxiety so like u said never touch drugs again its a million times saferi think they are the root of my problem but i was young and crazy......if only i could turn back time

take care hun x

[dlin420]

thanks so much guys... i really really really appreciate you guys taking your time to try to make me feel better... this tunnel-vision is scary tho. i feel like im trapped in my body and am trying to wake up from a dream... but its not... like i AM going to wake up but in a sense as in waking up into insanity or something... im SO happy i found this website and i am going to dedicate a lot more time to this website... any comments are ALWAYS appreciated....

[dlin420]

also... has anyone tried the combo zoloft and seroquel? did it make yo u feel even crazier? and also like trapped in your body.. zoned out... slow....? and does it go away after couple weeks of usage?

[nursegirl6572]

Hi there...I'm glad you are here.  I think you will quickly see that you are far from alone...that MANY of us have struggled/are struggling with the exact same things.

The depersonalization/derealization symptoms are VERY upsetting and maddening.  I've been there...and I know how it feels.  You want to smack your forhead to make everything go back to normal.  When you get a sec...read my journals about these exact issues...I think it will help give you some perspective.

I'll be back with some more words...but I wanted to at least tell you the above.

Hang in there....we're all here for you...and you are not crazy, even though I know you feel like you are.

[everyminutelive]

How long ago did you to the x?

[lynn57]

I think almost any SSRI can cause the weird eyes.  They all did for me.( Doctors act like they have never heard of such a thing.)  Zoloft takes about a month to really start to help.  SSRI's can cause anxiety as a side effect but it usually goes away.  I ended up taking klonopin with Effexor to control the panic attacks and anxiety.  The combo worked great.  I had some sleep issues too and the klonopin tooK care of that too.  A short term benzo may help until the Zoloft really kicks in. You'll probably feel better in a couple of weeks. Good luck.

[dlin420]

i took the x about a month ago... and yea i really hope this goes away.. the depersonalization seems a little bit better when i was on the seroquel but now i feel like i have no emotions... im really glad to here that most SSRI can cause the weird eyes... nursegirl.. thank you so much i will reading your journal entries and i will be starting one of my own... honestly ... its such a reality chek to me... because i never thot it could happen to me... its that mentality... but now it has and im trying to hard to deal with it and its tough because my parents dont understand because i am acting normal and my girl friend has communication problems... and my shrink...heh lets just say he could care less it seems. im now looking for a new doctor but i think imma try to stick with the meds... one thing that really scares me is... could taking zoloft and seroquel mess me up PERMANENTLY? ive been reading up on other peoples side effect on the meds on google and some of them seem pretty scary.....

[everyminutelive]

I've never heard of these drugs messing anyone up permanetly. They just produce seratonin I thought. I don't know

[everyminutelive]

My understanding of withdrawl (withdrawal) from marijuana is heavy depression, anxiety.

[Pum]

I've had vision affects from SSRI's particularly when going off them but quite feasible it would happen when starting them. I describe it like when you move your head your vision doesn't catch up immediately, it's a split second coming right. Particularly bad when you push open plate glass doors.

The dreams should settle down too.

[dlin420]

okay guys i really need your help on this one because this got me SCARED. sooo today i went to my girls graduation and everything was fine ( it was really hot tho ) i was walking up the bleachers to the very top so that i could hold up signs when all of a sudden BAM! i felt like this doom feeling just settling over me... i felt like i was breathing out chemicals and my whole body was just sweating and i felt like i was going to pass out... the most important part was the hot burning breath that came up... as i felt woozier the burning became stronger till i almost passed out. right away i went down to ground level and that made me feel MUCH better... however throughout the whole cermony my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest and i felt like i was going to pass out any second. also i felt really irritated and just not comfortable at all. a lil nausea but nothing too bad but its this taste that i still have in my mouth... any body experience this?? or have anything to say??

[dlin420]

oh yea.. im also getting a lil muscle pains and my lower back was KILLING me and i got dizzy when i stood up fast... i didnt eat that whole day and it was like 6 o clock ish... could that have anything to do with it?? anyone plz help cuz im scared sh!tless....

[dlin420]

yea and i dont know why... but i got this NASTY taste in my mouth at all times now.. ewwww... anyone know whats going on?... and oh yea... after the ceromony when i was with my friends and then at night when i went home everything was fine... no depersonalization, no anxiety no worries... just sweaty palms....and teeth still clattering and grinding... im going to buy a rubber mouth guard tomorrow....

[scaredjo]

welcome to the world of panic and anxiety!!!! i really think if this carries on you need to go back and see your doctor dont let it ruin your life catch it early. maybe some therapy would be good for you

[dlin420]

i already tried!! he just told me that it takes time... like 1-2 weeks he sed.. but this doenst feel normal

[scaredjo]

trust me anxiety never feels normal you jus gotta believe it is anxiety then u can accept it and start to get better, it will take time 4 the meds 2 kick in then hopefully u will start feelin good again, but trust me the more you sit and wonder about the symptoms the worse they will get its one big circle and you need to break the circle by believing its jus forms of panic and anxiety, when your in this state you wouldn believe how the body can react its crazy

[nursegirl6572]

Have you had a medical check up JUST to rule anything out?  It does very much so sound like anxiety/panic...but it's always good to err on the safe side.  Also...not eating all day until 6 pm is NOOOO good....of COURSE that will add to your feelings, if not cause them.  Even if you don't have much of an appetite....at least eat something substantial, like a sandwich or something during the day.

Congrats on  your dtgr's graduation...and while you may have sruggled through it a bit...you got through it, way to go!

Keep us updated on how you're doing.

[dlin420]

hey guys... well today im going to my doctor to get a full physical blood,urine etc... if all goes well im also thinking about getting my brain checked up for chemical imbalances or what not.. if thats possible.. ill keep you guys updated... thanks so much for your support and comments... its the only thing that keeps me sane and moving forward....

[Tink70]

Sounds like a good case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder!  I take Seroquel but I take it for Bi Polar I with Psychotic Features and OCD.  SO!  I have my share of the anxiety thing - just comes out with mania attached to it.  It makes my vision funky though so don't sweat that!  It knocks my butt out, though and I don't dream except for the last hour of sleep so I can't relate to the funky dream thing but I did take Zoloft and it was horrid!  It made me MORE anxious - like panic attack anxious - I took that with Depakote.   It was bad.  They had to yank me off of that and boy was I glad!  Now on the Zoloft I had some creepy dreams so it might be the Zoloft!  Hope everything goes well for ya' at the Docs.

[dlin420]

thanks guys.. well my doctor cancelled my appointment because i guess he had a family emergency.. so i gotta wait till tomorrow b4 i can get the physical.. i feel like my mind is so weak... im also seeking a therapist that i am going to see next thursday.. he doesnt perscribe medicine so maybe that is just what i need... these two medicines got me feeling like i was born today... but i feel the symptoms are getting much less and i am feeling a bit better... still a little depersonalized but not as bad as before... sometimes when i look to the distance, the trees and stuff look 2-D kinda like a puppet show... but i just try not to dwell on it..... do you guys know where i can go to actually get diagnosed with whatever i have? a family doctor, pyschiatrist, therapist etc? maybe they can do some tests because the doctor i am currently going to now doesnt spend too much time with what im saying.. just gives me meds... BTW DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THE FUNKY VISION GOES AWAY AFTER TAKING THE MEDS FOR A WHILE? OR DOES IT GO AWAY AFTER YOU STOP TAKING THE MEDS??? I REALLY HOPE ITS NOT PERMANENT......oh yea.. the zoloft is making me sooo anxious.. like my heart is going to come out and im breathing SUPER hard.... palms and feet still sweaty.....

[talensmommy]

hi my name is samantha im 20 and i have anxiety pretty bad i smoke weed to calm it down everyday ive also taken extacy which can make you feel empty and lost the next day recently my sight started to become a little wierd like i was wearing glasses that didnt belong to me like the feeling of straining in my eyes . i havent seen a doctor but smoking weed is the only thing that helps honestly. im very irratble if i dont.

[dlin420]

hey... personally from the experience i had... the weed may make it SEEM like your anxiety is going away but continuous usage and heavy usage will actually cause more anxiety... reason being is weed is actually a depressant... causing anxiety... leading to more disorders.. plus when you try to quit.. it'll be a b!tch... but yea... i went to my doctor today and i told him about my side effects with zoloft and he told me to get off of it and put me on lexapro... anybody have any experiences with lexapro?

[tooyoung99]

I tried Lexapro and it was not for me.  I still have not found a medicine that works well for me, but I am still trying.  I know exactly what you are talking about with the vision thing.  I feel dizzy and like my head is in a fog all of the time.  I usually try to go and talk to my mom because that usually makes me feel better.  I would also suggest that you get set up with a therapist.  I have had these anxiety issues for at least 5 years and just kept telling myself that I could take care of it on my own.  I was afraid to tell anyone how I was really feeling.  Now I realize that if I want to get better I need to ask for help, so I have my first appointment with a therapist in July and am actually very excited about it. Good luck and stick around to keep us posted.

[ruk]

omg i cant believe you get that weird tunnel vision and cloudy brain feeling to when i told my doctor he looked at me like i was crazy i just got a script today for nortriptyline or however u spell that but im scared to take meds cuz when i took fluexotine 3 years ago it made my panic attacks worse! I graduate in 2 days very scared. but im glad to kno im not aLone

[dlin420]

hey you are most def not alone I was so scared to join the forum because I thought I was the only one feeling this way but now I realize these are just symptoms and can go away! My doctor took me off zoloft and I'm now just taking seroquel and I feel sooooo much better ... There's hope! Just be optimistic and these great people on the website really care and understand and I really really really want to at thank you to everyone who responded... You guys kept me sane!! I'm going yp be trying lexpro soon.... Wish me luck!

[riprock]

Hey dlin420,

I have more or less the exact same situation going on as you except i haven't used any meds yet besides benzos... i took E alot and had my first panic attack while high and ever since haven't been myself... i'm goin to sleep now but perhaps we could help eachother out.

Private message me if you want

[kcdem]

i would get off of the seroquel immediately. i am no doctor but unless you are bipolar you should not be on it. it is an anti psychotic drug. i too smoked weed very heavily and that can really alter and shrink your brain. weed is very dangerous and can increase anxiety big time. zoloft is supposedly the best ssri for the depression/ anxiety combination. i hate zoloft, i think it is a horrible drug and causes severe night sweats and bad insomnia. of course that was just my experience.

have you ever considered AA meetings. you may be an addict, if so in my opinion that is the only answer to combine with the proper meds to combat the feeling of impending doom. i can really relate to the impending doom thing...big time.

with addiction the taking of the drug is a symptom of the disease. i used because of the self centered fear in my head. the feeling that the other shoe was always just about to drop.

i strongly suggest that you seek a second opinion on the seroquel, that is nasty stuff. i have researched it and found that it is overprescribed for sleep aid, what a joke.

i wish you the best and good luck with staying sober. AA saved my life and continues to one day at a time.

kcdem

[Orb03]

Ive been experiencing a lot of these symptems for the past 5 months of taking LSD when being in a severe anxious depressed state. A lot of the problem for me is that im losing tact with a lot of things that i care about. I dont know if this will help but I know how **** it feels to be in so much anxt, constantly thinking "what if whats going on's permenant" or about how much its changed me. Its hard when it effects everything you do hey, the way you feel isnt like a sore toe that you can sit down and wait for to get better. The best advise i can give is try not to analyse too much, remember that the majority of how it feels probably isnt permanent and is caused by thinking about it too much. As gay as it sounds staying positive and giving myself that reasuring urge that most of me will is ok keeps me feeling strong.

Good luck!

Cam

[Paxiled]

There is no withdrawal from marijuana.  Now, that doesn't mean you wouldn't miss the high, but it's not addictive and doesn't cause withdrawal.  Ecstasy, on the other hand, can be pretty hard on the brain, but just taking it once probably wouldn't do it to you, that usually occurs in people who take it a lot.  What it sounds like to me is what many of us feel when we have panic disease--the disorientation, things appearing strange.  That's what happens.  Drugs like ecstasy and marijuana can make us feel more what we feel already, but that doesn't seem to have happened to you -- your experiences while high seem to have been good ones.  So again, I think you've just graduated to panic disease.  

As for your shrink, always always question the quality of your psychiatrist.  Most of them are quacks, hacks, and worse.  No way does it sound like you should have been put on seroquel, since you're clearly not bi-polar.  Sometimes seroquel is added to an ssri like Zoloft if it doesn't work well enough, but you haven't been on it long enough to find out, so starting you out on both is silly and counterproductive -- you don't know which drug is causing what, and which is helping or not.  You should just do the Zoloft, since it's the most appropriate of the two for what you're experiencing and see if it works or not.  If it doesn't, you need to try a different one as well as therapy either way, you only augment a drug that is working but just not quite well enough.  You're augmenting before you know whether the Zoloft will work at all for you.  We all metabolize these meds differently, some work, some don't, some give us horrible side effects, some tolerable ones.  Good luck and verify.

[giu]

I don't know if you've ever thought of this but I have similar reactions when drinking and having sex...  I wonder if its guilt myself but it may be a panic disorder i have and am not aware of...

[jonnyQ566]

the same exact thing happened to me , its the anti-psychotic. Its giving you extra-pyramidal symptoms and Akithisia. you need to ask your doctor to reduce your dose of anitpsychotic and puff it goes away !! it happened to me on Abilify which is a lot more potent than seroquel

[afraid620]

Hey I just joined and was reading your symptoms and all the help and advice people are giving you maybe you could read my post and we could share advice!

[RichReligion]

Take your frustrations out on a heavy bag or some weights, maybe a jump rope. Stop caring so much about things you cant change. I find myself dwelling on nothingness all day: negativity...and it does hurt...it hurts that i'm stuck on some bs when everyone else is moving on with their lives...it feels like one giant conspiracy against me and I dont like to be played by no one...so my ego is trippin. But when I get in the "i dont give a shi* mode I win. try not giving a shi*...just be the best at what you could do...conquor everything within your reach.

[Merciey]

It amazes me how younger people think doing drugs is going to straighten their lives out and how getting expert advice from a psychiatrist will mess it up. Work the meds out with your MD (Psych.) and try to get your life back on a good track.

[Norman12345]

i feel the same..am 22yrs old i started smoking alot of marjuana for the past year, and snorted cocaine one off...and used to drink...i come off marjuana and for the past 3 weeks i aint been feeling right..at 1st when it started happening i was sitting down and suddenly my head started feeling heavy, my vision started going blury, felt like im going to pass out, my face started feeling hot, and forehead started sweating...and then i was alright and few days later it happend again..and 1-2 days later it happend again but it had a longer affect on me and sincelast 2 days it happend again it feel like my heads so head from bothe sides and its going to explode and i cant think straight and i went hospital last thursday they said go to your doctor, i went to my doctor friday he goes come for a blood test on tuesday and sunday night i feeling that it, its the end of me..and i called ambulance and they only check blood pressure and sugar level and if your breathing alright... it can be a swere problem which they might not know about, they dont bother...and today my heads been feeling like some1s squashing it from bothe sides, can any1 please help..am bit worried myself...would appreciate it..i cant hack it no more =-(  norman_khan***@****

[Bsocal]

You worded everything iv thought of perfectly, i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was little and used to take abunch of pills for it, when i was 15 i discovered weed made me calm, but for the first 3-4 months of smoking id trip alot when i was around people and trip harder when i was alone, my feet and hands got weak, nd id have bad panic attacks. after that period i'd smoke weed everyday for about a year, then i got heavy on ecstasy and coke, adter about 6 months of taking ecstasy maybe about 3-4 times a week, sometimes 5 days ina row with about 1-2 pills, maybe 4-5 at a rave. Then i made the worse decision in my life and tried meth, i started smoking everyday and by everyday i mean EVERYDAY, gettin sleep rarely staying out all night, after 8 hard months of that which every moment i was disappointed with my life, i slowly started stopping, to which point i cut off every friend that smoked it off, the only thing i could do to stop. i stopped for 2 months then 1 of my old buddies hit me up and started again for 4 days, i then realized it was bullsh*t how he did that to me nd stopped, im now 2 weeks clean, but everytime i smoke weed, same thing happens to me except worse, my feet get huge lumps on them, and i think and analyze everything to much and im real quite. My family always thinks im tripping but I think something is wrong, not sure but the best thing for me to do is stop everything all together. Idk if this helps, but it helps me telling my story sometimes

[Bsocal]

You worded everything iv thought of perfectly, i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was little and used to take abunch of pills for it, when i was 15 i discovered weed made me calm, but for the first 3-4 months of smoking id trip alot when i was around people and trip harder when i was alone, my feet and hands got weak, nd id have bad panic attacks. after that period i'd smoke weed everyday for about a year, then i got heavy on ecstasy and coke, adter about 6 months of taking ecstasy maybe about 3-4 times a week, sometimes 5 days ina row with about 1-2 pills, maybe 4-5 at a rave. Then i made the worse decision in my life and tried meth, i started smoking everyday and by everyday i mean EVERYDAY, gettin sleep rarely staying out all night, after 8 hard months of that which every moment i was disappointed with my life, i slowly started stopping, to which point i cut off every friend that smoked it off, the only thing i could do to stop. i stopped for 2 months then 1 of my old buddies hit me up and started again for 4 days, i then realized it was bullsh*t how he did that to me nd stopped, im now 2 weeks clean, but everytime i smoke weed, same thing happens to me except worse, my feet get huge lumps on them, and i think and analyze everything to much and im real quite. My family always thinks im tripping but I think something is wrong, not sure but the best thing for me to do is stop everything all together. Idk if this helps, but it helps me telling my story sometimes

[Bsocal]

I feel the same too, i think to much about some things, but when i get in that i dont give a Sh*t mode i have the best time of my life.. How do you get there? lolol

[fauz2012]

wow, am not the only one, Living in anxiety world, is just living in hell. My life has turned down since December 2009. Just a little thing turned my life down. well its it insane to call it out i feel shame of my self, my disease caused my the woman i love the most and the bad thing she were miles apart, To get her it took me 6 years since she accepted my love request.
I suffer much to convince her loving me by that time. There was I time I gave up on her i knew she wouldn’t love me, so I decide to live my life alone. The good thing am having my own business it goes well so she wouldn’t bother me by that time even though she was not far from me, We both were living in Dar es salaam Tanzania. It was October 2009 she left to Canada, I don’t remember the day not because i didn’t put in my mind, well its just because I lost my memory. Huh exactly what happen on that day
She come to my home were I was living just  to say goodbye. Well I was shock with such condition when she hug me for the first time. But that wasn’t clue for me to think that she had something in her mind. I took life easy am looser, I knew she was going to Calgary and I want see her, I was having negative thought in my mind. Happy moment begun in my life just two weeks later, it was Sunday the day was so cool just chilling out with my friend outside his home. My cellfone was ringing from unknown number, surprisingly it was her, and she called me from thousand miles. I lower my voice just to make it lit bit kindly voice,  By that time we talk, my thoughts were telling me that she called me just to say hi, well that wasn’t the reality, it was a welcome love, she was asking for a chance for us to be together, she wanted me to go to Calgary and live with her, well by that time I didn’t think much I accepted just because I love her, it was very easy for me to accept her request then questions later. Well I was so happy she didn’t have a personal mobile by that time, she was using her aunt’s land line and sometimes her mom’s celphone. Well since that day i was happy.
My life was cover by her beautiful sms through my celfone, Thought dreams came true,
We used to chat for a while, my mind was fully covered by her love, and my thoughts were on her each day, each hour. I truly fall in love. Days were gone still my thought was to be close to her and we used to communicate through different ways, sometimes phone sometimes through internet messengers.
It was hard just to miss a single day without communicating, well the questions begun. I used to tell her if she really love’s me and Why did it took long. She told me it was her choice, she found that am good person. On November 2009, I plan to go for my hernia surgery at TMJ hospital in dare es salaam, It was my first time to go to the theatre, everyone used to worry but for me it was different I was happy to get knife  on my lower stomach knew that it was only my cure for my problem. The surgery conducted well and I was recovering so quick. She used to call me when am in the hospital and I felt more cured again for her such lovely words. I was so happy and good thing she got her own celfone for me its was a pleasure, I was assured my sms will reach to her on time.

Suddenly things started to change, she was late on replays, sometime am sending her sms and she didn’t replay on time, it took two days just to replay my sms.  Was Calling her but no answer, that’s where my worries started. Bad thing she repeated twice same thing and the last time I got depression, I didn’t knew that was a key to my anxiety world.



Where my Anxiety Started,

It was 16Th December 2009 depression occurred like 2012 movie, My heart was pounding too fast, I was going down. Then on that day I went to the hospital, they checked everything and they were ok nothing detected. At night I couldn’t sleep, I went to the hospital again and they found that I had little malaria. And they gave me anti malaria tablets,  But still couldn’t sleep due to the load of  stress on my mind, I couldn’t receive a single sms from her. I was dreadful on such moment. That behavior continued for 7 days without a sleep. And that’s exactly I enter the demon world ( The anxiety )
That’s where my life started to get worse.
Its started am scared from people, when I see people am feeling worry, sometime I feel the place am going I might get lost, sometime I thought I wont even able to take bath when I wake up in the morning or forgetting to brush my teeth, I didn’t  know what happen if there was a Christmas or a new year, people where happy but I was totally different my thought where far.

On 3Rd January 2010, I went to my counselor, he only gave me one word, just to believe in my self otherwise ill be a victim. Well I remember his word but my anxiety increased to the maximum level , huh sometime its funny, you cant even remember to talk, day after day my life is getting worse. Sometime I feel do no longer exist in this world. My eyes focus is getting lower am not seeing the sun I used to see before. I cannot talk to a person cause of fear of misunderstanding. My god now just little things make me to think millions time.
My own business transaction I handle in hard time, just simple mathematics my head is getting hot. I sleep with problem and wake up with problem.
There was sometime I was  thinking to kill my self rather than living in this mental world, I found that  was horrible decision, I believe the existing of God, My God protect me from devil thoughts.

Now my life is getting worse and worse am even scared to sleep alone,
I wish if there was a magic pill so to get me out of this mess. Please can anyone help me.

[tissymae]

Wow, dude, never could have explained it better myself! NO answers att, just now starting to "google" the same type material..let me know if you have had any success!

[doctorkerbe]

You and I have a frighteningly similar history. To make a long story short, you need to make amends with your past. As Jung would put it; your soul/True Self is rejecting your Ego. That feeling of insanity slowly creeping over, losing sense of yourself, that's when your Ego has superimposed over your Self. Chances are, like any human being, you have some skeletons in your closet; things that you regret, that at the time seemed immensely morally corrupt, and so, like most children/teenagers, you shelter yourself from the full force of the memory. Make amends where possible in situations/with people that were important at the time of the conflict, and your anxiety should go away. Quickly and simply. As you begin to remember yourSelf, your Ego will regress back into a small/necessary state that is required of our current society.

[wsdrbj]

Today is November 22, 2011....how do you feel?  Has your health improved?  The reason I am asking is because my daughter has been psychotic since 1997 and have tried everything....as a mother, I demanded that her doctor put her back on prozac.

[smartchick1245]

well i read your story and honestly when you stopped taking medication if you didnt do it under the observation of a nurse it could have messed with your brain a little but if you were observed it was probably that your body wasnt use to be without it and when you started having panic attacks it could have been the smoking and drinking because when you use drugs pretty much what your doing is streesing out your body but most of the time nothing serious will occur .....as for the panic attacks after you quit (as a smoker i know this) it was in my opinion deffinetly withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms....if they dont get better i would go to a rehab and tell them your expierences or a high class therapist...as for you starting medication it takes 2-3 weeks for it to adjust to your body and start working properly but if you start getting suicidal thought consult a doctor immediatly ....as for when you were in the car with your mate ..your body sometimes goes back to a drug you were on earlier on like ecstasy it could have just been your brain playing tricks on you ....if you are still seeing odd you might actually have a eye problem i suggest going to the eye doctor and telling him what your seeing ....but i too suffer from panic attacks and depression your probably making yourself anxtious by reading all of the symptoms most of the time what i do is relax myself tell myself im okay and nothing is wrong with me and most of the time i would say 90% it works..yes you will have to talk to yourself to do so but if that doesnt work for you figure out something that makes you feel better some other things you can do is take a shower and clear your mind, listen to music thats soothing or even just make a private diary to get all of your feelings out i feel the same pain as you thats why im writting to you ......really what you should start doing is leaving negative energy behind please dont kill yourself and you wont end up in the hospital i too have been suicidal and i just want you to know everything will be okay :) please PLEASE just follow these steps start going for walks and clearing your mind have some alone time to think things over and trust me you might still get panic attacks but it will happen less <3
i do hope i helped you i do care i want you to know that <3 YOU WILLBE OKAY. you just need to find yourself please comment if you need some more support (DATE:febuary 20th 2012)

[mikemitchel214]

the only thing i know 100% that will help you is jesus christ if you believe in him with all your heart  and mind you will be okay this is not my promise but God will take care of his ppl that is his promise to us. pray to him.

[mar1026]

ok well im 16 years old and im a very frequent drug user. for the first time i took E i went all out, ive been messing around with drugs for a while. so i thought id be fine. i rlly like hallucinogens especially my favorites LSD, shrooms, mollies stuff like that, (but never rlly came exactly back to earth after shroms, i cnt complete thoughts easilly and im convined im 3/4 of the way almost retarted). but i just took E starting about saturday around 7ish i took a whole pill and kinda noticed it had a good amont of coke and speed in it( ive been bad on coke on and off for about 2 1/2 yearsish. i went to rahab for 6 months but emediatlly relapsed) but i took more and when i started to come down i took another maybe half and i couldnt sleep the whole night and wouldnt stop clenching my jaws like soo bad that my teeth started to chip.  so i bought rlly good weed so i could maybe go to sleep  and ive been smoking for a while and i have built up a huge tolerance for it. i smoke everyday as much as i can get my hands on and its been like that for about 7 years besides when i went to rehab. but i could not goo to sleep no matter how much bud i smoked. and i also havnt eaten since saturday morning. now ive been rlly scared cuz ive been doing E none stop since i bought it like whenever i felt weird or almost sick and had a headace and by now ive dont in total about 4 1/2 of them. i havnt had any sleep for days and havnt eatn, but i cnt eat, i dont have a appitie and when i think of food i fell even more sick to my stomach. my friend told me it could be dehydration cuz its been a hot day and weve been very active so ive drank alot of water but still feel like dehydrated.  im feeling rlly sick, weak, very bad upset stomach and my heart rate it about at 158 right now. i dont wanna let my parents know cuz i dont wanna get sent back to rehab but i want to make sure if this is normal or ok or if this is bad and need to be treatd

Please help befor i go crazy
im not used to this!!!

[nnovella]

Alright, I am typing on my iPhone, so I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this. I'll try to get out what I have to say though.
I'm 18 year old male.
Personal experience. About 4 months ago, I was experimenting and trying out the whole weed thing. After all, it is referenced in soo many songs and people say it is safe and should be legalized.
So I tried some weed before bed. I thought it would help. I took a hit, and waited a little tiny bit, and took another. I kept taking hits thinking I wasn't feeling much. I lost all care for past and future and was in the moment soo much. I found myself in front of the bathroom mirror starting into my own eyes. It went on for a little while. It was as if I came-to in front of the mirror. I forgot I even smoked anything. I wanted to move but couldnt. The feeling of having a smile went to a feeling of a big frowning sad face but my face looked stagnant in the reflection. a blank stare. this scared me. I wanted to move my position. one of the most important things is how my vision wasn't smooth, even for staring straight into my own eyes, my field of view was jerky. it was twitching back onto itself as if space and time were dividing or multiplying. it felt like I was in straight up HELL, and I was relieved to know I was asleep having a nightmare. so I tried to wake up and couldn't seem to. my fear level doubles. I realize it is a real experience. I swear that I died and was stuck in the underworld. It sucked because as I looked at myself, there was some detachment in recognizing it was me. I finally move my position and it is hard to breathe. All the while, worst experience ever. I hated the frame rates that were too low. like taking pictures and playing back action instead of using a video camera. anyways.
I woke up feeling different. Thinking about how I felt the tingling/bubbling in my brain the night before, and how many hits I took, I knew I screwed up and fried myself. I permanently fried my brains. this turned me into a disaster case. I was freaking out inside. Why me? Why me? I would cry I would get mad. Then I would deny it and say to myself that i was overreacting. So that morning I found myself in the laundry room and as I was folding dry towels, it came over me for no reason: I felt tightness in my chest, shaking/shivering all over, hard to breathe or no breathing at all, uneasy feeling like when I was in front of the mirror, and my vision went to the low frame-rates. I was basically high again and I wanted to die. It faded away after about 60 long seconds. and I would find that these 'attacks' would come over me over the next 2 or 3 months. and each time they happen, I would get paranoid as if I were high. come up with stupid things to scare myself about. The DEREALIZATION was very real to me and I wanted to know how long it would last and how to get rid of it. I didnt like my new perspective on life on earth and the feeling inside that I had when inwas a young boy. childhood. or maybe it is the feeling I got while dreaming and reminiscing about childhood memories. Surprisingly, feeling like that felt like poop to me. I just wanted to feel "normal" again.
Do you feel like you snap back to reality while watchin tv? Staring into a photo that means a lot to you? That's because in those moments, your mind is off of the subject. for once! YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR CURRENT DILEMMA. NOT JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DEREALIZATION, but, STOP THINKING ABOUT NOT THINKING ABOUT DEREALIZATION.  okay? I know it's hard. and you will get good at it. you will come back to "reality" slowly. (2-3 days? a week?) and your mind will be soo tired of over thinking it all, it will feel nice to finally relax, and stop feelin bad for yourself. Maybe think about other people and how they feel.  Be selfless. Get your mind off of it. Pick up a new hobby or something. I remember it could be difficult to do normal tasks. Driving was weird, and working on the computer was weird, too. Living seemed outrageous. On top of it all I was afraid I was turning schizophrenic from weed. and my biological father is a loony tune so I felt screwed. a disgusting twist of fate. and that fortune cookie that said dont go down that path unless you are ready for a change in life. I WOULDN'T WISH THE WHOLE ORDEAL ON MY WORST ENEMY. worst thing ever. Anyways, weed is a pshycho-active drug. meaning it can make your brain active making you think many thoughts. your mind might not have ever been put into that set before so even after the smoking session, your brain knows how to think too many thoughts and get caught up on some of them. ANYWAYS, I know you never saw it coming. I know you never imagined life could be soo weird and the brain soo complex. I know you are scared for your well-being. HERE'S what tells you that you're not crazy. You are aware what being normal is too well. it is what you have your mind set on—being normal again. You don't see things hear things.. you are a SANE human being with full potential to live a purposeful life. Just move on and start "looking back" on your experience and find meaning in it. maybe you learned a lesson. maybe you will be more compassionate and live life to the fullest now. find your reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I think earth is where we learn important lessons that are useful for being a stronger spirit. Maybe pray to God. Find a faith? the point is to get your mind off of it and doing one of those things, you will be putting a lot of your stress and worry into gods hands. MAYBE your lesson will be to develop your own set of skills to get yourself 'out' of the DEREALIZATION. don't just give up and sit there staring at something admiring how fake and dreamlike it appears, snap out of it. might as well not ge USED TO it, or it might be harder to convince yourself that you can return to 'reality'. that feeling you get when you are home but it actually feels like HOME. very personal and real and cozy and safe. YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SOO HAPPY SOMEDAY SOON. I mean, it will lift off of you and it will be soo overwhelmingly strong that there is no doubt in my mind that you will cry. Your tears will be happy and sad and you will get the strongest emotion of relief, with a tiny sprinkle of anger. Happiness, though, is where you will be at then. Just don't scare yourself. Not worth the energy. panick attacks are VERY scary and confusing. They will go away if you find yourself in the middle of one and stand up for yourself and act like everything is normal. breathe. pretend you aren't having one. you will see it will last much less time than normal. soon, you won't get them anymore. you may even feel a panic attack coming over you but then change your mind and decide not to have it. be like "no, not now! I'm with my friends having dinner, really? not now!" and if you are good at it, it will have dissipated. Writing this was difficult because I am soo past that. hated the feelings. and don't like thinkin about it. but doing this helps me stay strong. OH, and smile. even if it feels stupid. mental patients were discharged after being told to smile. they became well. I haven't looked it up; someone told me about it. but it's true. HEY, good luck! you can do it!

[ski0331]

sounds like a lot of anxiety about having anxiety. the depersonalization/derealization will go away. you just need to stop dwelling on it and stop assuming that something is terribly wrong with you. when you think about/remember panic atracks and anxious moments you start to notice them more often and draw more attention to them, which in turn causes you to experience more moments like that. this could very well be taken care of without medication and perhaps you would benefit from talk therapy sessions, exercise, and a balanced diet. as for the zoloft...i too have been prescribed to it. the first week is the worst. your anxiety will heighten, everything will look different, your pupils will be wide, and you'll feel weird. after a few weeks the physical symptoms should die down a bit and after a month or so youll realize that you feel better than you did. just take in what you're experiencing, acknowledge it, and let it go. but do not dwell on it and do not imagine being like this forever. use this time as a learning opportunity for how amazing human perception is. you'll be able to do a lot of soul searching. good luck!

[55777]

Please help me, I feel like I am going insane and I am very very afraid

[Liliona5446]

Oh man I am going through the same **** and I can't figure it out but if you need someone to talk to my name is Evan and I'm 20 female