i feel like there no future for me.

help me please i dunt know what to do i wake up in the morning feeling like im worthless and worry about how im going to get through the day and i never go far from home as im anxoius i mean ive tryed killing me self twice in the past 5 days :(

[cj29]

You need to go to the hospital right away if you are thinking about committing suicide.  Taking your own life is not the answer.  You can and will get through this!  I know it is extremely scary, confusing and hard to initially get a hold of but you will.  Depression and anxiety can go hand in hand in my opinion.  I have been through the exact same thing as you along with many other people here. I too slipped into depression and felt like anxiety robbed me of my self identity and self worth.  Believe me, I know it is hard, especially in the beginning, but there are so many successful stories and there is a lot of help outt there for you from group counseling to this community.  We are here to listen and share our experiences with you. I have been where  I would not even consider leaving my house in the beginning and now I travel and enjoy life so much more than before I went through all of this. My point is, although you do not see it now, you ARE going to get through this and enjoy life so much more once you do.  I know that is VERY hard to see now, but you will learn to confront this.   PLEASE ask as many questions as you like and feel free to email me anytime.  If you feel like taking your life again, you need to call for help right away (if you are in the US, do not hesitate to call 911). We have all gone through this and we are to help!

[mattyb17]

i just wish i had somone to talk to ive never had anyone in my family i can talk to this about :/   i barly eat anything im under weight id rather be dead than alive but theres still some life in me thats wants to change i just dont know how i mean when i walk down the street see a lorry go past i think what if what if i jumped in front of it id be out of this misery i cant get a job  
every girl ive had has been a **** to me im not in education only got a few true mates other just treat me like theier enemy i was thinking of going hospital the other night when i had taken pills but i havent got the confidence to talk to docters face to face :'(

[cj29]

You need to go to the hospital right away if you are thinking about committing suicide.  Taking your own life is not the answer.  You can and will get through this!  I know it is extremely scary, confusing and hard to initially get a hold of but you will.  Depression and anxiety can go hand in hand in my opinion.  I have been through the exact same thing as you along with many other people here. I too slipped into depression and felt like anxiety robbed me of my self identity and self worth.  Believe me, I know it is hard, especially in the beginning, but there are so many successful stories and there is a lot of help outt there for you from group counseling to this community.  We are here to listen and share our experiences with you. I have been where  I would not even consider leaving my house in the beginning and now I travel and enjoy life so much more than before I went through all of this. My point is, although you do not see it now, you ARE going to get through this and enjoy life so much more once you do.  I know that is VERY hard to see now, but you will learn to confront this.   PLEASE ask as many questions as you like and feel free to email me anytime.  If you feel like taking your life again, you need to call for help right away (if you are in the US, do not hesitate to call 911). We have all gone through this and we are to help!

[mattyb17]

:( i just dont know i cant go to the docters they wont understand im not goodf at all this talking thing to docters  i havent got the confidence i just wish i was normal but i dont think i can or ever will be im a failure to this world if i commited suiced no one would care i know im only 17 and people could say there alot ahead of me but is there really i dont see any point in living anymore  yh its not nice is it and i know people have probs been fro 10 times worse but i cant deal with this anymore

[mattyb17]

i just wish it was easy to get out of this situation but i dont know what to do i wishh i had somone in person to talk to this about :'( just someone who knows what im on about somone who dont think im crazy :'(

[meniere135]

Hi there!  I'm hoping you'll give some information like when did you start with the anxiety and depression.  How is your family life?  Does anyone in your family have depression and/or anxiety?  Maybe you'd feel better taking one of your good friends with you to see a doctor.   Talk to anyone on this site...we're all here to listen.  

[mattyb17]

well ive been like this for about 2 year but its only been really bad for about the past 5 months my mum and my gran have sufferd with depression i dont really get on with my family to be honest :( im feeling a bit better today because im with a close friend at the moment but i still feel like i wont to get out of this missery any way i can :'(

[nursegirl6572]

I know you can't SEE the things people are telling you...but trust us, we've all been there in a deep dark hole....and if we had decided to take our lives, we would've never known that getting better was a REAL possibility, and so many of us have.

Once you make the decision to end your life, there is no going back...no "reatakes", no second chances.  I know you are hurting and feel hopeless, but find something to hang on to...the people who love you will NEVER be the same if you weren't here.  Try to imagine if your closest friend killed him/herself.  You would be devastated right?  Never the same?  Well, that's how countless people would feel if you weren't here.

Depression and anxiety are both have a lot of genetic predispositions, and it sounds like you have a few family members who have suffered.  TALK to them...they know what you're going through.  You need to get some intense help, and NOW.  PLEASE seek help immediately, b/c again, suicide is not the answer.  You haven't even had a chance to see that things WILL get better.

We're all here for you..,.please keep posting.

[pittfan17]

You+should+seek+help+right+away.even+if+it+means+checking+yourself+into+a+hospital.have+no+fear+for+giving+in.ever+heard+say+by+jon+mayer.its+a+good+song+to+live+by.go+get+help+dont+care+wat+people+think+just+tell+the+doctors+what+u+have+to+to+get+the+help+you+need!and+do+you+think+theres+any+particular+reason+you+feel+this+way+or+is+it+random.dont+be+ashamed.mental+illness+is+common

[mattyb17]

i would hate it if my friend ended their life but but i think the main reason im like this is because of my past i no people say the past is in the past but i cant exactly forget about it if its on my mind 24/7 i mean no one deserves to die but i cant handle the pain anymore i really cant i know i need help i do but i try ringing the docter but thereve never got an appointment it allways seem like things never go good for me allways seems like no ones there to help like theres never any other options that to end my life i have nothing to live for atm i dont even know why im still here :/

[mattyb17]

and basicaly its just my past and i see no future for me :/

[JGF25]

You are 17 years old and have everything to live for.  If the doctor cannot find time to give you an appointment then find another doctor or go and camp out on that other doctor's doorstep.  It is clear to me that you need to be in treatment for your anxiety and depression.  You absolutely do not have to live like this.  Now get up and go and make that phone call.  If they cannot take you, then you need to go to the nearest emergency room because there is a future for you so don't cheat yourself and everyone else that loves you out of it.  

[mattyb17]

i did go see another doctor but he just said i have to go see my doctor but i ring up everyday asking for an appointment but they have nothing it like what do they expect me to do i don't know what to do that's why i'm calling them :(  i don't like hospital's though because of the last time i went to hospital about overdosing is wasnt nice i wish i knew what to do but i don't doubt anyone loves me anyway to be honest.

[kaitlinnn]

:/i'll help you get through this, i know what to do:/ please don't do anything youve said on here:'(

[mattyb17]

i cant help how i feel i dont even feel in control half the time :(

[mattyb17]

thanks for everyones advice and all that but i just dont know anymore to be honest :/

[mattyb17]

i want out of this does anyone know why those pills dint kill me??

[mattyb17]

**** this somone just tell me how many i need i mean the other night i took 23 iburprofeen and i dint have much effect how many do i need!! 50??? 100???

[kalie1979]

Not joking I could write a book on the stuff I have been through. Im 32 and look back at my life and glad I never gave up. Whatever is going on with you, its not bad enough to end it. When your there in that pit, there seems like there will never be a end to it. But I promise it gets better, your soo young. I have been doing really good myself for a while and now I'm dealing with anxiety again. You need to reach out and get help. We are here to talk to you. I have never met you, but it makes me have anxiety just thinking you might harm yourself. So stop saying it. And start from the begining, when did it start and have you ever takin anything to help?

[mattyb17]

i havent actualy taken anything to help havent properly spoke to a doctor yet and im sorry ill keep my feelings to my self like i use to :/

[mattyb17]

how can i delete my account on here??

[meniere135]

I sent you a message - please check it out.  

[kalie1979]

omg.....i ndid not mean anything!!!!! please dont go...

[kalie1979]

I'am shocked, gosh I feel like a jerk. I did not mean anything in a bad way. Now I just don't know myself. If I caused more pain for him, its going to kill me!!!! I'am going to say bye for now, I should not be advising anyone. I'am soo sorry matty :-(

[bbxx]

I just read what you wrote. You did not write anything wrong. Dont beat yourself up. You were trying to help. Its always hard to communicate on the forums because we dont know how others are taking what we say. They dont see our expressions when we are teasing, or concerned etc... Dont worry.

[turkee23]

hey matty how you doing?...we are all here to talk anytime you need.

[mattyb17]

noo hun trust me you havent done anything rong mate :) i promise its just me im sorry to any one on the fourums if ive annoyed you etc but honestly eveyone thats posted on here are helping me its just me im a paranoid **** i tend to allways rthink of the worst im sorry :(

[nursegirl6572]

Matty, what you said above is why you haven't been able to see any improvement.  You haven't really TRIED any kind of treatment.  You haven't even spoken to your doctor.  Isn't it at least worth a try?  What if we're right and a few months from now, you feel a whole lot better?  You would never know that if you chose to take your life.

None of this is easy....and fighting to get well is sometimes some work, but why not at least give it a go?  Find yourself a psychiatrist who can help you by starting somewhere!  The treatment options are endless.  Read some of the stories here about how people have improved with medications.  Three members recently went on a journey of starting meds..turkee, canuck guy and persephone.  Search around, find their threads and read them.  they were all in a bad place when they started.  Now, it's been a bumpy ride, but all THREE of them are really starting to notice great improvements.

You'll never know unless you try.  You might feel like no one cares about you, but they do.  For ONE, us strangers on the web care VERY much and know what you're going through.  Keep talking to us...and take the bull by the horns today and start making calls to doctors.

We'll support you and help you every step of the way!  

[mattyb17]

im just sorry to you and everyone else that ive hassled ive tried making a dr appointment but they allways say call back the next day i keep calling but i mightaswell just deal with it and i know everyone heres probs been through ten times worse but i just feel as if i cant handle it anymore :/ is it ok if i inbox you??

[nursegirl6572]

Sure, you can inbox me hon.

You need to call every doctor in the book if that;'s what it takes!  As for just "dealing with it"?.  It's a common misconception that we should just be able to "suck it up", "get over it", "snap out of it".  For the VAST MAJORITY of us, we can't...we need help to do that.  Even if it is through therapy.

Do you have a family doc?  Why not start there and ask for a referral to a psych?

[nursegirl6572]

And, there is nothing to be sorry about..we are here to help....it's not a hassle!!

[mattyb17]

:'(

[mattyb17]

thanks for all your advice your all such loverly people!! but im fine i don't need to go see anyone thanks for all your time though.

[mattyb17]

account now deleted good bye for now.

[mattyb17]

i think ive just had a panick attack ive never felt anything like this i have no one to speak to asd its 2 am if anyone could inbox me id be very gratefull as im kind of scared right now!!

[JGF25]

See if there is a crisis hotline you can call now so that someone can talk you down from where you are right now.  I have followed the posts and honestly, we cannot do anything from here except reassure you that things can get better.  They WILL get better if you try.   And I know sometimes you don't feel like trying but you have to force yourself.  Don't give in and don't give up.  You have an entire life ahead of you and it CAN and WILL be a good one if you get yourself some help.  

[mattyb17]

i cant my mums got the house phone and shes assleep i dont really want her knowing bout all this i wish i could go to the doctors now im so scared i never thought it would have got this bad im too scared to even try and get back to sleep  been having too many nightmares lately too and the thing i hat is it seems so reall!!

[mattyb17]

i really hope i dont have another panic attack tonight :'(

[JGF25]

Keep a positive attitude...."I am not going to have a panic attack tonight" rather than "I hope I don't have another panic attack tonight."  Remember, for every negative thing you think replace it with something positive. Give it a try.  

[mattyb17]

ok thanks alot im going to give it a try .

[mattyb17]

wheyyyyy :) no panic attack :D and im going to be absulutly fine today!!!

[mattyb17]

or not.

[mattyb17]

i try be happy then i just get everything thrown back in my face what the point anymore sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guys dont even comment im njust being a fukking ***** just ignore me.inabit

[lynn57]

One thing we won't do is ignore you.  Even if you need to just blow off steam, we are here.  I wish you would talk to your Mum about this.  She could help alot with the doctor appt. and having someone to lean on.  Doctors tend to listen better when a parent is involved.  You really have to get help.  There are hotlines that should be able to help.  If you don't dare face your Mum, try writing a letter and leaving it where she will see it.  This may open dialogue for you.  Please know that we care.  Leave a message anytime.

[mattyb17]

but sometimes i just need to take angry and stress out on my self :/ i can't talk to my mum i just can't i don't know if i should get help its going to be hard having so many docter and sht thinking im a loppy one i dunno if i can handle that im anxous enough with everyone else let alone doctors :/

[lynn57]

Doctors deal with anxiety and depression every day.  They do not think we are loopy.  You would be surprised how many people you know suffer with anxiety or depression.  They are quiet about it because of what people may think.  They are the same as you and they are not loopy.  You have to see a doctor.  Once you feel like you are addressing the problem, you will be happy at how much better you feel!

[mattyb17]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm :/

[nursegirl6572]

How are you doing matty?  Have you taken any steps to see a doctor for your anxiety?

[mattyb17]

heyy erm im doing allright had a rough few days and i havent seen a doctor yet :/ i will soon hopefully

[mattyb17]

i honestly wish i was never born!!!!!

[Persephone3576]

I know how you feel, Matty, but you have to hang in there. One thing that I've found to help is reading a good book or getting into a good t.v. show. Just a temporary coping mechanism until you can get some help in the form of a doctor!

[ema432]

matt if you read this again just remember i really care for you. i will do everything i can to make you feel better. i know ive only just met you really but you are the nicest guy i know.

if you ever need to talk to someone im here for you. much love Ema <3

[mattyb17]

im sorry i havent really been using this fourum latley its just things are getting really hectic i dont even feel like i can talk about it on the fourums anymore :(

[mattyb17]

so i now know i can get help but im just to scared to :(

[innerchild09]

Im so sorry that you are dealing with all this anxiety and depression. I know how you feel. I deal with it too all the time. I really hope you go to the doctors. I know its scary going but maybe youll finally get the help you need and feel better about things. Its ok keep posting. No need to feel like you cant talk here anymore. You can. People here are listening and they care.