i'm confused. help?

[erin626]

Ok this may be a little long but bear with me. I've had anxiety my whole life..I saw my first therapist at age 5 and by age 17 I had to drop out of high school and get my ged because my anxiety had gotten so severe I couldn't make it through my classes. It continued until age 19 when it just randomly disappeared. I was able to do things I would never even have considered when I was anxious. I was able to drive places alone, go to college and be fine in my classes...I even flew to london alone and drove across the country alone when I moved to la. It seemed like my life was finally normal...and I was really happy. Even little things that people take for granted..like eat in restaurants and go to the movies...I couldn't do that until the anxiety vanished. I didn't have trouble with my anxiety for about 4 years.

Right before I turned 24 my high school sweetheart died suddenly and unexpectedly..that was early june 2009. I noticed random panic attacks start around that time. Nothing major. They didn't happen often and I was able to control them. Then in january of 2010 my grandmother died. I had a really hard time with her death as we were very close. In march 2010 I started having stomach problems and anxiety problems and in september I was incapacitated by my anxiety. My anxiety had never been so severe. I couldn't eat, I either couldn't sleep or slept too much, everything terrified me, and I was having extreme stomach troubles. This continued through october and gradually began to subside in november and december. I was still having anxiety but was able to start working again in december. I had to quit my job in september when I was really bad off.  I started seeing a therapist in january. I haven't seen him recently since my work schedule has been so hectic but I enjoyed talking to someone about all the stress in my life. So now...I'm almost back to normal. I had some pretty bad panic attacks while dealing with pms but other than that I'm almost my normal self. I'm eating again, working, going out to the store, with friends etc. I'm still a little anxious when I'm home alone but I can deal with that.

So now I'm confused. Why did my anxiety explode in september? I can remember being on the phone with my mom sobbing because I was so terrified but had no idea what was making me so scared and anxious. Is this something that will keep happening throughout my life? And could the deaths of two important people in my life have lead to the physical and emotional sickness I was dealing with?

Oddly enough..not being anxious has me worried.

[erin626]

I take xanax on an as needed basis. Some weeks ill take 2 or 3 and other weeks none at all. It just depends on how I'm doing that week. My doc wanted to put me on anti depressants but I decided against it. I know my anxiety is fueled by my phobia so I'd prefer to try and sort out my phobia to get rid of the anxiety.

My anxiety was horrific back in september. I can't even describe the hell I went through. If it ever gets that bad again ill take an ssri.

A couple of my friends take prozac with great success and minimal side effects. Its the ssri I've heard the most good things about. My dad swears by lexapro but it made me incredibly sick so I couldn't take it. Everyone reacts differently to meds but my doc told me that prozac is generally the best tolerated.

Don't be scared to try meds. They do help. The xanax has been a lifesaver for me. It is addicting though so if you end up trying an anti anxiety med such as xanax only use it during your worst panic episodes.

Good luck. Anxiety is a really horrible thing to deal with but it is possible to manage it and to live a normal happy life.

[Devonlee]

I have the same issues as you. I have always been anxious...things that didnt worry other people worried me. And it affects my stomach. It just turns and hurts and I feel nauseaous and miserable. I dont want to eat but if I dont eat I will feel so much worse. Of course when all this happens I start panicking more which makes my stomach worse. I too cant stand throwing up. I am going to the dr today for the first time ever to talk about this because I am in the middle of an "episode" I guess. For the last two weeks I have been panicky....anxious and have had stomach issues. It gets better if I keep busy but in the early mornings and evening it is bad cause I cant keep myself distracted enough. My question to you is have you triued medecine at all? What kinds and do they help? I am very nervous about trying anything because of the horror stories....but I need some help right now. ugh this is so miserable....

[DJ873]

I too was taken down by some deaths, i can feel bad news invade my whole body. While a catalyst, the disorder seems to take over from there. As I am working so hard at dealing with this, i keep notes from my healthy self for my sick self. I try to keep tabs on what i was thinking feeling, reading, doing, etc that got me out of the episode so that it might help if it comes back. I have notes from all the books i've read etc. The progress of which actions, thoughts, books, etc because I don't really know which one or if the combo is getting me moving forward. I am positive that learning to let go of thought, to meditate has been key. So I am guessing I will go through this again and am hoping all this hard work will make the suffering time shorter. Since part of me doesn't want to even acknowledge what i have gone thru this has been challenging. But as Kabat-Zinn says, as long as i am breathing, there is more right with me than wrong with me :)

[erin626]

Its just anxiety and panic disorder. Its caused by a phobia that I've had since I was 4. but I'm able to control the irrational thoughts caused by my phobia during my non anxious periods.

I have a severe phobia of throwing up. It started when I was sick as a child. I was throwing up in the kitchen sink but my mom took me to the bathroom and in the process I threw up on the floor. My dad has a severe germ phobia and hypochondria so he started yelling at my mom because he got upset at her for trying to move me instead of just letting me be sick in the sink. I thought he was yelling at me and I got scared and started crying. I don't remember the incident but my parents do. Its the only explanation for my phobia. And the phobia has ruined my life by causing me so much anxiety.

Everytime my anxiety flares up my irrational thinking relating to my phobia starts up and turns into a vicious cycle. The anxiety upsets my stomach which in turn makes me panic.

I just can't figure out why it comes and goes like it has been.

[genera123]

the two deaths in your life always have a tole in your life because you are so attached to the person its like a part of you was just ripped out of your chest.  usually anxiety is part of another mental issue such as bipolar depression adhd  I would get help by a physciatrist they give me something for anxiety due to bipolar/severe adhd.  I guarentee it would help you.  You are going through what is called an episode. I have Manic bipolar it makes me want to sleep all the time especially through hard times...I really didnt even know it was anxiety attacks until they told me that was my way of coping with my problems.  it usually happens near hard times in my life such as deaths in the family and etc.   good luck and keep me posted

[worrywart73]

OMG I FEEL LIKE I JUST WROTE AND RE READ MY LIFE STORY. I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS U AND WONDER THE VERY EXACT THING. ITS SCARES ME CUZ I WONDER WAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ??? IS THIS SUMTHING THAS GONNA *** AND GO ?? I PRAY TO GOD NOT CUZ I FEEL THIS IS SO BAD FOR ME MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. IM AMAZES I HAD THE VERY SAME EXPERIENCE AS U. THE STOMACH ISSUE SUKS AND SCARES ME BUT I HOPE U STAY FEELIN GOOD AND WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK!!!!