is it a fear of? or actually happeneing?

i have an issue with anxiety and my usual fears r change in routine and vomiting, but recently as in the past 2 or 3 days ive developed a new fear (lol like i don't have my hands full with the others) and that fear is a fear of being depressed.  The problem is ive never been depressed so i don't know wat it feels like.  im afraid of becoming depressed/suicidal (btw i have some belief in my head that suicidal thoughts ALWAYS follow depression is this true?) but i still go out with my friends every chance i get, i don't have "trouble" getting out of bed in the morning or feel like im worthless.  like my fear of vomiting (where when im anxious about it, i picture my self throwing up in my current situation or a situation down the road) my fear of depression causes me to picture myself actually depressed or suicidal. these thoughts arent concrete though as i dont even go on rollercoasters for the fear of getting hurt so obviously i could never put my self in harms way and ive never thought about suicide or depression thoughts on my own accord, the just pop into my head the same way vomiting thoughts do which leads me to believe it is the anxiety and a fear of being depressed and not actually being depressed.  I would also like to note just for added information that i had a GREAT time in high school but now high school is over and im going into college and sad about friends moving away and not having a party to go to every night or not having something to do. im 18 my hormones are raging and i would just like to know this: Can anyone Recognize what im feeling as a fear of depression or it actually happening? your help is greatly appreciated.

[chrisok66]

I have a great cycle like this going on right now too.. It started with not knowing, then knowing, and then one symptom everyonce in a while.. i have a thread i started right now that im afraid of at the moment..

[eman90]

thanks for the comment much appriated

[primetime21]

wow..u seem to be going through almost exactly what i went through..Iam gonna tell u some very good advice..Do not read anything about depression or suicidle stuff cuz ur fear of it is gonna get the best of u. Remeber that with anxiety u usually fear the worst thing that can happen and in ur case this is depression or eventually suicide. this is more or less a control issue ..."the loss of control over urself or ur life" which seems to be the reason u dont like the change from high school to college life also. like u i had fears or depression but also  it was fear o bi-polar disorder and schitzophernia..man everytime i heard those words..i was be like oh **** iam gonna be like that and than freak out about..later on when the panic would go away i could look back and laugh at how stupid it sounded..The saying goes theres nothing to fear but fear itself..and anxiety will make u fear it self..but to beat fear U HAVE TO BEABLE TO RECOGNIZE IT AND USE LOGIC AROUND IT.
take care

[eman90]

that helps alot thanks man, u seem to know what im going through which helps alot, i have a question though that could explain something.  My doctor gave me Mirtazapine to help with my anxiety, mirtazapine being an anti depressent.  Could the mirtazapine actually be making me feel this way. ive read that anti depressents can do this especially this one rameron.  i mean if my chemicals arent imbalanced in the first place wouldnt taking a drug that messes with them be a bad idea? just fishing

[lynn57]

Sounds like general anxiety disorder to me.  I have panic disorder and GAD.  Never had a problem with anxiety until I had a few panic attacks.  Even though they were under control I found myself constantly dwelling on their return.  I kept wondering if every little hot flash was the beginning of another cycle.  Coming down with the flu would convince me they were back.  Problem is that so many things feel the same as an onset of panic attacks.  I'm sure that your anxiety causes you to feel down.  When we feel out of control of our own thoughts it's hard to be completely happy.  Good luck and look into some GAD meds.

[primetime21]

yea anti depressants can actually make ur anxiety worst..and ur depression worst..actually i had my biggest panic attack that lasted about four weeks complete with suicidle thoughts and amnesia after i took one one celexa pill..but since i had never been depressed or have a suicidle thought it freaked me out..so iam a lil biased against anti D's but iam not sure y ur doc gave u that rather than an anti anxiety pill like ativan..but anti anxiety pills are nervous system depressants so they can make u feel more dperessed..i personally think that the best way to go is a low dose long life anti anxiety pill..but i myself havnt takin any type of pill for almost a year now..
this is what i did..or stopped doing
-dont smoke weed
-dont drink
-dont smoke tobbacco
-dont drink coffee or anything with caffiene or gensing in it..
-dont lift heavy weights
-do jog and take long walks
-increase vitamin b intake..i drink a juice almost everyday that has alot of vitamin b complex in it. (this is probably one of the best things i did)(juice is called "b monster" from odwalla..)
-sleep at same time everynite
and RECOGNIZE WHEN ITS ANXIETY ANDUSE LOGIC AROUND IT..