my son hates me

[honey613]

i have the same issues my son was raised with so much love  ... he has become very disrespectful he curse he thinks because he's grown and live on his own that he can say and do what he want's around me this started when he was 19 he's 23 now told me to stay out of his life and i have been doing so im hurt and in pain he's my first son we was bf's we would talk all the time now since he lives on his on he don't want my advice about anything when he told me to stay out of his life and that he don't need me are want me in his life it broke my heart i have a granddaughter they bring her over and all i can  say is hi and kiss her the mom raps her arms around her so that i cant pick her up this is really upsetting the hurt of being treated like this i cant believe they  come to my house every week to visit his younger brother and sister he don't speak to me at all i go in my room and close my door and at this point i don't know what to do i want to speak but i feel he's my son out of respect he should speak i love my son and my sweet granddaughter at this point im ready to get my house key and tell him not to come in my house anymore .... any advice.

[sleepsleep]

yes id doesnt sound to pleasant.
And im sorry to hear that things are like this.

But not much you can do. You dont want to persuade him back into your life after all.

But think you should really try and write all this down for your son to see.
So he can take in every word you have for him at his own speed.
Might help him also get a better understanding of how your feeling rather then taking the conversation face to face.

As mentioned if there is conflict between two people its hard to get all words in before the other starts interrupting, and then it might just end up in anger.
Also it might be hard to take all the words to heart if your thoughts are already trying to develop the next sentence to speak.

So again. Sit down and write all of this. Tell him you want to be a part of his life. Explain why you did what you did, and then give him time to read it and understand it.

Sure it might not fix it-
But at least it would give you a fair chance of letting him really understand your situation.

Hope things work out for all of you.

[honey613]

yes it's a situation and thank you so much for your response started out with my son talking to me about him getting a dna test before the baby was born after she arrived he no longer wanted the test... in which i stand by his decision he made.2 months ago his girlfriend walked out on him with the baby and her mom told her to file child support on my son her mom told her  would need the money to live with her. my son  take full care of her and the baby she had only been gone a week.i mentioned to my son maybe he should think about getting the dna test and for custody he was ok with the custody but the dna he was upset so im sure that's playing a big part on why i can't hold my granddaughter in which he brought it to my attention long story short the mom kick out the girlfriend she wanted to go back to my son he wanted his daughter but he no longer wanted her so i kinda talked him in to letting her back and still today he dosen't want to be with her and i think he's upset with me for asking him to help her out which i forgot to mention his girlfriend hated me prior to me getting her back in with my son my son would tell me she's jealous of how close we are and that her mom hates her i have had to take her in my home 3 times before they got there own place because of her mom kicking her out . so i think he resent me for stepping in and now im losing my son over this.

[sleepsleep]

Hi there. Well being 24 and having some past isssues with my mom.
(She had a boyfriend for about 7 years to now still, which I would fight and argue with every day while she did nothing but support him)-
Anyways,. , , , yeah I know how a broken familiy can feel like,

But all I can say there must be a reason as to why he is like this.

NOT meaning that your to blame. But maybe there is something you are unaware of that is a big factor to his behavior.

(please understand im not saying your a bad person in anyway-)

Simply trying to say there could be something that in your view on things could be a minor thing while in his world its a major issue.
Some you might have done, or something you might not have done. Who knows.

And somehow you have to figure that out. But you cant do that alone.

I only have one suggestion. And might sound silly.

You write him a letter. (through a letter no one can interrupt you, and no one gets heated in the moment, forgetting what they really want to say)

Write how you feel. And sounds like you genuinely want to have him and his "new family" as a part of your life.

But write all of those tings. Throw all your thoughts on that paper and either hand it to him or drop it in his mailbox.

At the end of the letter (dont demand this) but ask for him to express his thoughts. Why it is he feels he doesnt want you in his life. He can do this either on paper too, or simply by dialogue when he drops by.

But if he comes by to talk, let him talk and talk and talk until he has no words left.

(there honestly is nothing worse then someone nodding and interrupting in the middle of your sentence- No matter what intentions there is. )


But yes. That is my advice to you.
And again, dont for a second think Im blaming you for the situation. I dont know how things are and have been. But clearly somewhere there was a issue unsolved.
You just need to find it and with your sons help solve it.