need help with anxiety feelings

hi i am a 24 year old male from germany

i have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder by my GP about two years ago after having a mild strength panic attack. I was mostly fine now for two years and a couple weeks ago some strange yet familiar feelings started to reoccur. First I have a general feeling like I am not really aware of what I'm doing while the same time perfectly aware of it. On top of this comes a slightly distorted feeling for time like, which exact time is or how many time has passed since a specific point. It is very hard to describe. Second i have the impression when looking at the sky or bright surfaces like walls that they are glimmering, flickering whatever you call it. Not very strong only slightly. And I somehow got a little sensitivity to light, and I often get headaches from pc screen or going out in bright daylight, it feels hard to focus my eyes or concentration on something like I'm always spacing out. And I have a strange feeling like I have changed or I am not the same person anymore that I was before it started.

These new anxiety wave started after obsessing about my eyes because I noticed that there are some thread like things flying around when looking at bright things in daylight like amoebas a while ago and I read up on it in the net despite my GP warning me from ever reading up about medical things. And ever since my whole attention through the day is on my eyes like I can feel them in their eyesockets and my sight.

I had episodes where I obsessed about my heart, heartbeat and breathing 2 years ago, to the point where I controlled breathing all the time while awake and having trouble falling asleep because of the thought about having to manually breathe.It is completely the same now, same accompanying symptoms just its the eyes this time.

I feel horrible, my everyday-life feeling is like completely gone, i cannot or only hardly laugh about anything,
i cannot get into something or be interested by something, and I have moments where my mind tells me to commit suicide. (Not that I would ever do it)

Any comments or help on this are much appreciated. thank you.

Forgot to say, I am on no medication atm and I'd like to keep it that way.

[kickanxietysbutt]

The first feeling you are describing is referred to as "depersonalization".  I've experienced it since I was a child, but fortunately, my bouts generally only ever last a couple of minutes.  I usually can call a friend, or try really hard to focus on something else, and I'll snap back to reality.  Sensitivity to light is something I'm currently struggling with as well, but it is all part of anxiety.  Additionally, I think everyone sees the thread-like things you are referring to when looking at bright lights.  Sometimes when I go to bed and I close my eyes I even see these.  I think you are probably overthinking about things that are perfectly normal happening to you and it's causing anxiety.

[d4422]

hi thanks very much for your answer

had eyes examined today, perfectly ok...i told doc about these strings flying around and he said it's perfectly fine to have it and I shouldn't start to obsess about it because when I do I'll go insane..

I still have this shimmering on bright days tho, i didn't talk about this one because i think its something mentally related and when he says my eyes are fine after a full checkup i believe it. It's really weird it's like when you watch water slightly boiling in a pot thats the impression i have sometimes when looking at bright even things.

It's very hot outside in germany atm and i had this sensation very strong yesterday after i walked home from work and i felt completely exhausted on top of it maybe its because of the summer i dont know. I generally feel better in autumn/winter than in summer.

[d4422]

just another question out of curiosity, do you or any other people with anxiety
symptoms have the same, when I get really tired all of this symptoms and feelings seem to disappear and I start to feel "normal" again. And it feels at its worst right after getting up in the morning.

[kickanxietysbutt]

I'm glad that the doctor was able to give you some reassurance.  I get the weird head feeling / dissociation the most when I am outside.  I have ever since I was a kid, even when I didn't really have anxiety.  I also don't feel as well in the heat.  It makes me nauseaus and lethargic, and then anxiety ramps up.  I actually feel best in the morning when I wake up (because the anxiety hasn't had a chance to set in yet), but otherwise I find the nighttime hours are the best for me.  I'm not sure if there is any rhyme or reason to it, though.

[Jestina]

Are you on any medication now?  If not you should look into it or other ways to get your mind off your mind lol.  I have those things that something is bothering me and I Get aniexty from thinking about if something is wrong and then get aniexty more cause I have anxiety! Your mind does crazy things and it's easier said then done but try to overcome your mind.