ocd HELP

[Rambo17]

Sup im 15 and a guy. I beileve I have HOCD. In my life I was a hypocondriact , suffer social phobia, narssiscm. and always worried about everything.  But this is by far the worst stress ive ever been through. Before I had it I did not at all qeustion my sexuality I was straight, Only jerked of to lesbian and soft core girl porn guys would be a turn off. Always had crushes on girls. I would get the fuzzy feeling when a pretty girl would sitt next to me. Was obbsesed with getting a grilfriend and loosing virginty. Discoverd my sexuality at 11 but was never the least bit curisus of the men always woman. Or never really looked a man in a sexual way. I just think woman are beautiful and I love boobs, curves and a nice butt. One week I started having thoughts what if I was gay but thought nothing of it. Ive always scared my self in beileveing I was gay, racist, or retarded. But throught out the week it stared getting worst and friday it got really bad so went to bed and thought it would go away in the morning but that morning it turned in to the a full blown obbsession. I couldnt stop doubt my sexuality and thinking i was gay. I was like my mind wouldnt mentaly accept I was striaght and told me I was lier when I said I was hedero. I felt like I was in the closet when knew I was straight . When I would tell my self i was stright i masturbate to woman all the time. Then I would tell myself I was thinking of penises and alot of other fears like that Whitch are not true but I would beileve them and freak out. Its like it feeds off of all the dumb little fears or inscurittes and makes me beileve them and im things im not and make me anxious and stressed and it would call me liar when I said I wasnt and blocks all the positve. I would periodiacly look at gay porn to prove to my self im not attracted to it or to find or if I am attrated to it. Its really kinda gross and akward. Im still attacted to woman but when I look at girls its been kinda hard when I see a cute girl I say how can you be attracted to her your gay. Or when Ithink about girls I get anxious and get a really nagtive feeling. Im not affraid of not being accepted its being gay or becoming gay is what im affraid of and oppsessed over .I dont want to be in a relation ship with a man. I want to have a girlfriend like ive always dreamed of with out all the anxiaty or doubts. I dont care if im bi as long as i can enjoy a girlfriend with out anxiaty. i tryed changeing gay to bi but. When I did I got scared im might fully become gay as I get older. Theirs no sexual urges powering this it is 100% anxiaty and I can not get rid of it. I have this for 2 mounths and its only been getting worst and ive been depressed, grumpy , and anixous all the time and it getts more obessive each week I have mild panic attacks some times I get so stressed I puke . I went to my doctor he told me its a phase an it will end as quickly as it started but I dont think he understood how bad it really is. Ive been on every medical board and gay blog their is and they keep on telling me im bi or its just a phase everybody goes throught. Before this ive had a kinda porn addiction it think it could of been OCD. When I would see a hot girl on tv or see something that turned me on I would have no control over my self and would go look at other naked girls and it was kinda obbseive. I was constanly going on walks to avoid any place whier i could look at porn or naked girls like tv or the computer. It felt alot like the HOCD only not as bad. But as soon as got the HOCD its been whiped from my mind. Please HELP

[Tangled]

You sound like you do indeed have OCD. OCD causes irrational and intrusive fears and thoughts. You know in your head that what you're thinking seems ridiculous and silly, but your brain gets "stuck" on these thoughts and you begin to doubt yourself. There is also a huge amount of anxiety associated with OCD. You can't simply ignore it. For some people, just driving around the block (for example) is a nightmare. If they hit a speed bump in the road they might worry themselves sick that they actually hit an animal, even though they know logically that's not possible because they saw that speed bump! But the OCD takes over your thinking and causes doubt and major anxiety.

If you do not feel sexually attracted to other men, then there is no reason for you to feel as though you might be bi or gay. OCD is a very disabling illness that can overtake your life, such as is the case for me. I worry myself sick over my husband developing cancer. I worry every spot on his skin could be cancer. A minor cold he develops could be cancer. A headache could be a brain tumor. It just goes on and on and on.

You should see a Psychiatrist for this problem and not your regular family doctor. They deal with colds and flus, not mental health problems. You will get improper treatment and care. Ask for a referral to see a Psychiatrist and tell him you believe you have OCD and want help.


Hang in there. It's a tough road but there is treatment.