panic prevented me from seeing my therapist today.

[erin626]

I had an appt with my therapist this evening and I got in my car and just couldn't do it. I was so scared I just called him left a message cancelling and went back inside. How can I get better if I can't even drive to my appointment? I'm so upset and frustrated. I can't do anything alone. I can go do things if someone is with me but anytime I'm on my own forget it. I didn't used to be like this. I drove from maryland to california alone. I was by myself in my car for 3 days and was fine. What's happening to me? Why can't I be me again?

[erin626]

Thanks for the encouragement. I can drive some places by myself. I drove to my dads house by myself and today drove to my friends house by myself and then picked my bf up from work by myself. It just that sometimes its harder for me than other times. Its still pretty drustrating. I'm supposed to drive to my moms on sunday and she lives 3 hours away. I'm freaking out about it. Thankfully I have xanax if I need it for the drive.

[rondoo]

I think that is wonderful that your therapist offered to do that for you!  I know the part of feeling "ridiculous" as I am pretty much not going anywhere by myself right now.  The good part is that at least I am still going places.   Keep this in mind, you use to be able to do all of those things and you will be able to do those things again!  I have pulled myself out of this before  so I know it is possible no matter how overwhelming it seems now.  What I have learned from therapy before is take credit for the positive things in your recovery.  For you I would say, Yes, you felt too bad to go yesterday but you pulled yourself together and made another appointment with a plan to get there on Saturday.  When I was at my worst at driving, I would just take short drives around the neighborhood with no particular purpose, no pressure, no stress, just to feel at ease with driving and not to have that "oh my god I have to drive somewhere feeling.  It does help.  I wish you had at least one solid person for support.  Maybe a relative or friend that you can talk to and rely on?  Having at least one support person does help with recovering from this.  Perhaps there is a support group in your local hospital or community health center??  Good luck Saturday...you can do it and if you need to have your therapist talk you through it it is a positive step and you will get satisfaction from your accomplishment.  Keep posting and peace to you.

[erin626]

Thank you everyone. I feel so ridiculous not being able to do even the little things in life anymore. Its really depressing. I unfortunately have no one to go to the dr with me. My boyfriend has washed his hands of everything. He's sick of my anxiety and doctor appointments. Looks like I need to get it together and push through the panic and do what I need to do. My therapist told me to call him saturday before my new appointment if I need someone to help talk me through the drive to the office.

[rondoo]

I completely understand your situation.  I had severe anxiety and panic attacks starting at age 12.  Somehow got through junior high and high school "dealing" with my attacks and constant anxiety.  My senior year I fell apart.  Severe panic attacks, anxiety, depression.  I quit driving, couldn't go anywhere, became completely dependent on my mother.  Went to psychiatrist and counseling and on meds.  After about 9 months started to improve and was driving again. That was 25 years ago.  Managed to get through college, get a job and start my own business.  Always had some "issues" of things that I knew caused me a lot of anxiety which I avoided, but most people would have never known.   Anyway have been stable for many years, even getting off prozac after 18 years.  Was diagnosed with thyroid cancer 1 year ago and had a total thyroidectomy and panic attacks and anxiety started all over again.  I can drive with my husband or someone else with me, driving alone isn't happening right now.  I also have back the anxiety of being alone. Fortunately my husband is very understanding.  I am seeing a naturopath MD and currently trying vitamins and accupuncture. Only minor improvement so far.  This is close to an all time low in my life between the anxiety, panic and depression.  My point is I keep telling myself as bad as this seems , I have been this bad before and I can get better.  Setting small short term goals seems to help me from getting overwhelmed.  My theory would be it is better to go even if someone has to go with you than to not go at all.  Believe me, I know all the terror of panic attacks, I have had every symptom and every crazy thought running through my head.  Please stick with your therapy and keep posting.  Peace to you.

[elfie123]

That sounds all too familiar to me- I was to be this brave person, travel all around by myself and now I can't go anywhere without my husband. It's called agoraphobia and it's very common with panic/ anxiety disorders.
DO NOT DESPAIR- call, make another appointment and arrange for someone to drive you and take you back. Therapy is the only way to actually overcome this living hell.
Keep me posted, Erin. I feel for you.
Tina

[whitecat78]

it sounds like you could be suffering from agoraphobia, maybe you should have someone else drive you to the therapist.

[mama23babies]

Don't beat yourself up over it. It happens to me and is very disappointing.I cancel appointments all the time.If you can try to continue to go. I used to be like you and be able to go out if my husband was with me,but now I can't even do that most days without panicking. I wish I could get back into therapy before I get worse than I am.I wish you the best.