scared to quit

[BethanySublime]

so i did something stupid this weekend and did ecstasy again (for the last time!).  i didn't think 1 more roll would mess my head up so much worse even though i know my anxiety was brought on from my ecstasy use in the first place.  well it happened, and there's no changing that, but it made me so much more depressed...it never gave me depression before only anxiety but it's been like 5 days since i did it and i still feel sad and empty and soul-less and like i'm losing my mind.

well, the only thing that fixes it, is the same thing that's always fixed my GAD...weed.  but i'm about to give that up for good too, because i feel too guilty and i can't stand how much i've hurt my parents; i'm quitting on June 10, my mom's birthday.  now i know i can give up weed for what i want from it, but i'm afraid of my GAD, panic attacks, & depression without it!  i'm too afraid to get any prescriptions to deal with it...any new drug gives me a panic attack - i'm too scared to try any!  i have been given xanax for panic attacks a few times from friends who had them, so i know my body can handle that, but it's not something they usually prescribe for GAD right, just for panic attakcs?  i don't want to get addicted to it either.

so...i HAVE to quit smoking weed...i can't keep doing it any more.  but i'm so afraid of my normal state of mind!  i don't know how i'll be able to live without the one thing that keeps me sane....  :(

[be still my beating heart 13]

My heart goes out to you!  I smoked weed for 10 years (before I was a mother), I was an alcoholic for 3 years, and did enough ephedrine in that time as well to fill an entire mason jar!!!  When my dad died I quit drinking and popping pills, but I spiraled out of control with the weed for a short time.  When I developed my anxiety disorder, just one hit of a J would cause a full blown panic attack, so I had no other choice but to quit it too.  I know I screwed myself up.  I regret it everyday.  I wish I had some advice to give you on how to quit because quitting for me was a relief and I never missed it for a second.  I just wanted you to know that I understand you completely, and I know you can put this phase of your life behind you!  I wish you luck!  Keep us posted on your progress!