school & anxiety

[real1992]

HI My daughter is 16. She has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She can't even go to school. I think she actually began having symptoms about 3 or 4 yrs ago. She was on homebound a majority of her 8th grade year for stomach pain. She went to GI dr. they tested and checked throughly even doing a liver biopsy. She did ok going to school in the 9th grade, her 10th grade yr was mostly homebound due to severe migraines. She was hospitalized twice for them. Now her 11th grade yr. She went the first few months then began having stomach problems and headaches again. She also had an 8cm tubular cyst and had surgery to remove it. While on homebound she only got 1 out of 4 credits so when she went back to school the second semester she was 3 credits behind from 1st semester plus 4wks behind in the 4 classes she was taking for 2nd semster. Now I can't even get her to think about going to school. She tried it several times and had panic attacks every time-headache, heart racing, chest pain, sweeting, vomitting...I tried to get her in adult ed. but they won't let her until she turns 17 next month. I guess my question is WHAT DO I DO??? I am not going to make my child physically sick every morning by forcing her to go to school..She is on .25mg Klonopin 2 times daily. Her psych appt isn't until 4/9 I couldn't get an earlier appt.

[marymagdeline]

Hi, I used to have panic attacks when it came to going to school.  And yes, I suffered physcial symptoms as well.  Klonopin never worked for me.  Different drugs help different people.  A good psychiatirst will tell you that and he will work with you until she is on a drug that helps her with her anxiety.  That was my experince, and I'm sure it will be hers.  And, if she is seeing a therapist through out this summer, while she is adusting to her new meds,(which I highly recommend) it is likely that she'll be able to start school again in September.  However, I would not even mention the word "school" to her.  Dale Carnegie used to say that the way to deal with serious problems is to ask yourself, "What is the worst that can happen?" and then accept it.  What is the worst that can happen?  It seems to me that the worst that can happen is..1) It might take longer than Sept to get her adjusted to the right psych meds and have the therapy take affect, and 2) She has to get a G.E.D instead of going to high school.  If that's the worse that can happen, so what?  She'll can still go to college if she gets a G.E.D.  Be patient with her.  Don't press her about going to school.  Give her all the time she needs to get well.  Also, is there something that she is interested in that you MIGHT  be able to get her to take a class in, for fun.  For instance, is she into art?  Has she ever talked about playing an instrument?  Does she like crafts?  If you can get her to take a class 1 day a week, for fun...like an art class, a piano lesson, and knitting or pottery class, this will ease her into the idea of going to school  (maybe you can take it with her?).  This will help her confidence also because studies have shown that each child in the family should learn to do 1 thing well, 1 thing that none of the other children in the family does.  Doing so does amazing things for there confidence.  Your daughter sounds so much like me when I was young. Be patient.  And continue being the nurturing mom that you are.  She'll get better.  You'll both be in my prayers.

[RubyWitch]

Considering that your daughter began feeling this way at the onset of puberty doesn't suprise me that she would find it difficult to talk to anyone. Most 13, 14 and 15 year olds can't talk about anything with their own parents, let alone a "stranger!" That she is now 16, is moving past puberty and is, in fact, "growing up," is a very good sign that she is, as you say, now ready to open up to someone. I would imagine SHE is pretty tired of feeling like this.
While she is 16, which is usually the cut off for seeing a pediatrician, I'm wondering if it might be better for her to see a pediatric specialist/therapist? They have been trained to deal with "young minds" better than an adult psychiarist/therapist. That is simply MY opinion. It's who I'd take my daughter to. The nearest Children's Hospital could recommend someone in your area.
I think your worry that this will work against her is just "fearful thinking" on your part AND really normal for a mother! She will be looking to YOU for support and reassurance, as she will possibly be afraid of this process, so you need to readjust YOUR mindset to positive! If she sees you being nervous and anxious, that will indeed work against her! I would also recommend not pressing her for full details of her sessions. While only 16, she is allowed her privacy and at this point, I think it is incredibly important that she feels totally free and safe to talk to this person without fear of reprisal or pressure from you. You can certainly ask her about the sessions, ask if she'd like to talk to you about anything that WAS talked about, but please don't force her to "tell all."
If she tells you, after three or four sessions, that she is "uncomfortable" with this therapist, LISTEN! But don't give up. And try not to let HER give up! If she is not comfortable with this person, then her therapy will go nowhere. Find someone else. Explain to her that it sometimes takes awhile to find a therapist who is the right "fit." Which is the truth, and any therapist worth their salt will tell you the exact same thing.
I understand, to an extent, your concern. You need to be strong for her now, even more so than in the past if she is finally ready to open up.
Just know that you're a good mother for wanting to help your daughter so much.
This may take some time, but things WILL get better.
Peace
Greenlydia

[real1992]

Thx. I've tried to get her in therapy several times before but she refused to "talk" to anyone. I think she is to the point now where she may be ready to talk. I am just hoping things work to her advantage and not against her. Thanks again

[RubyWitch]

My best advice at this point is hang on until she has her psych appt. Hopefully this person will be good.................
In my humble opinion, I think your daughter should have been in therapy a long time ago and wonder why this was apparently never suggested. And while Klonopin is an excellent medication for panic, I have to wonder if her dose is strong enough. Doesn't sound like it if she is still fighting panic. It will also do nothing for her depression. There are so many meds out there and you need to discuss these with someone extremely well-versed in them. This is generally NOT your family doctor!
I believe your daughter will be fine once she is on the correct meds and is getting some therapy.
It's not that long until the 9th.............both of you just hang on, and let us know how she's doing.
Peace
Greenlydia