social anxiety becomes unbearable

I've had to deal with social anxiety for years but never thought I had a problem. When I'm alone or with a close friend (I only have a few), I can easily be myself. I'm naturally a very fun, talkative, corky chick who always seems to amuse my closest friends. Whenever I'm with a large group of people, I become a social butterfly. In a bar, club, party etc... I'm always very social with everyone and I make a good first impression. But whenever I meet someone new or go to a smaller get together, only hanging out with a few people, I tend to get very nervous and I become mute. Any new people I meet, I can't seem to open up around them. I become overly quiet and some people see that as creepy. I show no personality and I can stay mute for hours. I try so hard to think about stuff to talk about and I just draw a blank. If I do say anything, it always comes out as overly quiet and unheard. People try to figure me out because I always have a scared look on my face. Or people just think I look sad, mad or bored. In most situations, I'm having a very good time. I'm not bored and if I ever become bored, I simply just leave. Most of the time I tend to daze off. I am also a frequent marijuana smoker and I will smoke with a group of people and being high makes the anxiety worse. Most of the time when I become 100% mute, it's when I'm high. But I do have medical marijuana and I enjoy smoking alone or with a close friend. This type of nervous behavior never used to bother me. I was never nervous and I never paid attention to how quiet I become socially. It never bothered me because I over all felt relaxed and intune with myself/nature whenever I smoked marijuana. I never felt like I had an anxiety problem. Until a few years ago, I notice almost on an everyday basis, I get asked (even when I'm sober), why I'm so quiet. It's the question I dread. While most people ask because they're curious, I take it as an insult. When someone asks me, it makes me feel pressured to communicate, which makes my communication with others a lot worse. I've realized that people are bothered by this personality. I was never shy and was never nervous until everyone thought something was wrong with me. Now I always feel nervous in a group situation because people always tell me that I'm too laid back and my introvertedness bothers them. People assume I must be dumb, boring, weak or a door mat. I'm really smart (deep), adventurous, strong and assertive. I'm more of a dom, sexually as well. I don't know if I should get medicated or just assume this is my personality. Like I said before, when I'm with a close friend or around a lot of people (15 or more. A lot more), I'm very talkative and energetic. It's just when I'm with certain people I meet or smaller groups I become a mute.  

[MrGreen]

Lord, I could stay here all night and tell you stories of people trying to understand me. I think they imagine they are all spot on. When really they are way off the mark. I am more a stay at home type of person. Mightn't be seen for a while. But I love a good laugh and grew up the center of attention. The joker, if you would. It does have its downside though. People assume that is all you are. Don't want to gloat about intelligence or anything like that. Those people who like to judge, I think I would leave in my wake when it comes down to a lot of things. It may sound strange to hear me say that you get used to it. After a while it didn't bother me. I would hear that I was lazy and the likes. The fact was I was agraphobic and couldn't go out. When out I liked to get to were I was going and back as quickly as possible. So it meant ignoring people. Also meant turning down offers of parties and the likes. With that the friends went. You know, it didn't bother me one bit. I was more concerned about myself than others. You have a social phobic problem at times. It needs sorting out. Who cares what others say or think. Let them. You think about yourself and get yourself sorted out first. You should be the most important person to yourself. It may mean slight medication and theraphy. Theraphy alone may do the trick for you. But look into the situation. Don't ignore it. Don't let it get any worse on you. True friends will stand by you.