the most Weird , Unknown, anxiety trigger Ever!

my story started when i was first exposed to porn at14 8-grade. I was a virgin and really wanted to see an intimate relationship since everybody knew it in my school. After 2 years of watching i continued to feel enormous amount of guilt for hiding it from my family. I was a straight A student and masturbating was not what i should have been doing. After being exposed (watching porn) of every kind i continued to cry afterwards, i masturbated and cried. Then in the afternoon i was watching the Tyra show... and it was talking about sex addicts and how sex addicts all started watching porn at a young age. I went crazy (still remember that day) i panicked and told my mom the next day to take me to ER. The doctor said i had a panick attack ..and i told him about my guilt. He prescribed me to a psychologist. The psychologist was horrible, old and all he said is take pills. I refused and continue to refuse pills. From 14 ...i'm now 17 and my anixety has worsen. i FEAR living the house without my ipod, talking to myself in the street, getiing in the train, going anywhere without my phone. I despise what i did to myself, i was healthy, strong, happy and this has ruined me. I'm willing to try the Joe Barry routine..is it worth it?
what do you all make of this?
i still can't understand all this

[tropicalsoul]

Point #1:  NOBODY here can judge you.

Point #2:  We are here to try and help you.

Point #3:  Every person here needs some kind of help as well.

Point #4: I am glad to hear you refuse pills.  

Don't get too down on yourself as we all have some kind of problem.  It is the world we live in.  With that said I would like to offer you my opinion on what can help.  Jesus!

I am FAR from perfect and have my own faults and shortcomings but I do know that the power of Jesus Christ can and will set you free from your demons if you truley give him a chance.

I can give you several stories of how Jesus has saved me from myself and this awful world we live in and how he continues to do so.  If you have not done so..I would recommend a Bible based church in your area.  Keep in mind that you wont see improvement overnight but this is a process that takes time.

I hope you will consider my suggestion and I would be happy to discuss this with you in private.  Just send me a private message if you wish.  I hope this helps and I will pray for you.

[Prizma]

I wouldn't necessarily say that you're a sex addict. To discover porn and masturbate at a young age is perfectly normal. Sex & sexuality is everywhere--clothes, magazines, billboards, music, talk shows, etc. I remember being 16 and having to do an english project of trying to find subliminal sexual images within magazine ads.

With all of that thrust in your face at such a young age how could one not be curious?? So you're exploring your own sexuality by masturbating and figuring out what feels good. Why were you feeling guilty about doing it? Or keeping it from your family? Are they very religious and frowned down on sexuality stuff? My first boyfriends family was like that. It affected him so much that he felt incredible guilt when it came to sex or intimacy. Like he was committing a sin, or doing something "dirty".

You're down the road to developing agoraphobia. I had that around your age. It's not a walk in the park :/  Why do you despise what you did to yourself?

If you're not keen on taking medication, definitely do some more research on what you may think will work best for you. What about taking a natural pill like 5-htp? or St Johns Wort?

[MrGreen]

Hey there. I am a full blown agraphobic. I wouldn't leave my house without my MP3 player. It is a great form of distraction. I do have to join queues and the likes. Thinks I would not have done years ago. But now I am focused on the music alone. Keep that side of things going. That is just a normal routine distraction.

As for medication? That part is up to yourself. I can't make you take medication. Yes it has helped me along. But we are different people. You have to make your choices on the medication issue. Make sure you are doing it for all the right reasons. Not just because you might hate the effects of medication or fear what it might do to you. Can it make you any worse? That would be my question. My only question concerning medication.

Your past is your past. What you done growing up, I think, most people done, whether they care to admit it or not. Masturbation, porn. Who hasn't seen a porn movie and jerked off to it as a young teen. I would call it natural. Experimenting with your own growing body. Nothing to be ashamed off at all. Not a sin in any way, shape or form. No matter what highly religious people might have you believe.

Be proud of yourself for making the post you made. It sure is a weight off your mind. To come on here and just talk about the whole situation. You done good. Use this thread to say anything that is on your mind. It will certainly help come the end of the day.

[mtgoat911]

that was a little young to start
its alot to process, all that new information you are seeing on the movies
dont freak out, you are not a bad person
its not so strange that you have seen these videos or that you please yourself
people do it
i saw that you had a negative experience at your shrinks, that he wanted you on meds
thats what they do, write prescriptions, they are great at it
i did goto a doc like that when i was young, put me on paxil
it killed my sex drive until i got the meds as an adult
but all my friends back then were into the sex thing
again, a normal right of passage
just remember that you have the rest of your life to "do it"
stay smart and safe,
do you have an older friend or an aunt that you can talk too?
xo

[mtgoat911]

hey again, i went to request you as a friend and i saw that you put on your profile that you enjoy online love making
maybe this is the beggining of an addiction for you
some girls act out sexually to boast their self-esteem, maybe some were sexual abused, others have a sex obsession for the pure pleasure
here is a link that may have some better answers for you
www.saa-recovery.org
please dont feel strange for this, you are not alien, and you are certianly not alone
xo
ps....there is an actual test at that site that you can take "am i a sex addict"
maybe you are self medicating the anxiety with sex?
wouldnt be the first
people like to feel good, sometimes we take this natural instict to feel better too far

[mtgoat911]

just to clear things up, romy said "make friends online" not "making love online"
not ready to committe her to rehab for a sex addiction
just a typical teenager
plus, think of all the sex thats in the media now
when i was growing up the cable networks showed very little skin, now it seems that every show has sexual content
its hard being young this day and age
xo