wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy

[tattoodude]

i have been dealing with severe anxiety for 6 years. it started out as having obsessive scary thoughts about my family, my health, and life in general. Over the past year it has gotten hardcore bad. I constantly feel like im right at the point where im gonna pass out, the only time i dont feel dizzy and off balance is when im sleeping, and nothing seems real. My vision constantly seems blurry. I always have something physical going on with me. ive had ekgs, ct scans, xrays, stress tests, and have been in the hospital cause of my anxiety atleast 10 times just to be told there is nothing wrong with me. i drink constantly because it temporarily makes me feel better but i always ended up suffering 100 times worse from anxiety the next day. i have missed so much work and even quit a job before because there are days where it feels like i cant physically make myself move or do anything. When i do simple things around the house my anxiety takes a grip on me. i havnt been able to hold a relationship in a long time mainly cause of my irritability and unhappiness related to this. i feel like a time bomb waiting to go off. I truly dont know what to do anymore and feel like theres no coming out of this. It is the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life. I know for a fact i could accomplish great things if it wasnt for this suffering. Any advice, relief, or similar stories would be greatly appreciated.

[winglessbutterfly]

When I read your post I almost cried. I know exactly how you feel. I've been sober for almost 7 years now. I've had panic disorder for a very long time. The feeling when you sober up is so horrible I always felt like the entire world was watching me. I was so dizzy that if I even just turned my head I felt as if the entire world was shifting. I was afraid almost constantly of dieing. It does wreck havoc on your entire system. I can tell you that when I quit drinking the panic did improve. It did not go away though. There are times that it is so hard for me to focus on simple things I'll set down my lighter and loose it over and over again. And I am a very organized person but can't keep track of little things I use constantly. When the anxiety hits me hard  it feels like giant waves of fear crashing in to me over and over again. And the tingling and numbness is enough on it's own to drive me mad. When I finally come out on the other side I am often left exhausted like I have just ran a marathon. It is easy to be frustrated and moody I know I can be sometimes simply just because I am trying my hardest just to get through every minute. Do you have any type of support? Friends, Therapy??? I know if it wasn't for my husband and son and therapy I probably would have given up years ago. That is not an option for me I hang in there taking it day by day and minute by minute some days. What ever gets me through. I know trying to focus on my son and doing activities with him here at home help me to try and keep my thoughts in a positive place. And distract me from fearful thinking. Anything that helps you relax would be helpful. Wish I had better advice for you but I'm still in the first stages of therapy. Wish you the best.......

[tattoodude]

yeah, i moved to alabama from texas and me going out there to visit has become completely out of the question. when someone from there comes out here it is hard as hell to go out and entertain them because my anxiety completely drags me down. i used to be the life of the "party" but now i guess im the party pooper! lol

[seanyboy444]

I feel you man. Before this anxiety symptons crap, I was partying non stop. Now, a girl I had the biggest thing for is in town and she's like lets do this lets do that and I'm like how about no. Lol it *****.

Just stay positive. Hopefully, we'll clear our minds one day.

[tattoodude]

hey jake, i def feel your pain. ppl that dont have this "disease" dont understand! your right about that. ive tried explaining to my folks and friends and they try to be there the best they can, but they still dont understand it. i havnt gotten to the point where completely exclude myself from activities with friends, but it is nearly impossible to enjoy myself when i do hang with them. thats why most of the time i stay intoxicated which is a terrible thing to do especially with the anxiety but im working on it. thanks for commenting and stay in touch

[Julie359]

Am so sorry for your loss, i have no idea how a person can cope with such a terrible tragedy and not just the loss of someone close but a child, personally i am sure i wouldnt be able to make through such grief.  In your short message it sounds like you have and are going through such a great ordeal, suffering with cancer as well, this in itself must be so hard.  Do you manage to get out and about? Do you have close friends to help you? Both can be a blessing that people so take for granted, but having them is a blessing.

Thanks for accepting my friendship request.

Take care and hopefully chat sometime soon.

Julie

[29sillygirl]

Have frequently said I wouldn't wish my condition on my worst enemy.  Still feel that way.
Even after a family tragedy.  

I live alone in small apt: am 74.  Have survived to this point, and intend to take clonazapam for the rest of my life.  Like you Julie, antidepressants have intolerable side effects since cancer treatment...so not an option.

Saw a therapist twice since my son's murder.  Am processing grief.  Have mini meltdowns from time to time.  To be expected.  Getting back up from the floor this time is biggest challenge of my life.  

[Julie359]

God..... this is just like i've wrote it.  You have no idea how much i understand what your going through, even as i sit here writing this to you i just have this overwhleming feeling of just ending it all.  I'm 36yrs old and have suffered from severe anxiety since i was 19, for nearly 14 of those years i did have relief from taking Paroxatine 20mg a day but last March i came off and trust me when i say nearly everyday has been a total and utter nightmare since, i've tried getting back on the anti-d's but my body just won't tolerate it no more, each time i try i end up with a ridgid spine/neck, jerky movements feeling like i'm going to have a seizure and can barely walk cause my legs become so weak and my anxiety becomes soooooooo off the chart that a simple knock on the front door sends my nervous system into shock and i spend the next goodness knows how long trying to sweep myself up off of the floor (so to speak).  Have tried several now and wont take no more.  I'm DAM sure the tablets have caused me brain/nervous system damage, but do u think ANY doc will agree...Hell no!! I'm just left to suffer and told to try another anti-depressant.... So now i dont even have that option anymore, the one thing that took all the suffering away.

Apart from the med's, i suffer from agoraphobia and social phobia as well, so the loneliness that comes with this illness is 100% soul distroying, thank the Lord that i have children who come home to me after their day at school or i'd have NO ONE, although if this was the case i'm sure with this suffering i would of said good-bye to this world a long time ago.  All i know is i would like to let the people who have caused me soooo much pain and ultimately lead me to where i am now to feel what i am suffering, cause YES i would wish this on my worse enermy, just for them to get a taste of what REAL suffering is.

The one thing i HAVE to do each day to get me through is to tell myself what i AM grateful for, like having a warm, comfortable home, 3 beautiful children whom love me, no debts...etc. This does help as it makes you aware of all the things we normally take for granted and you begin to see things in a different way.  You appreciate what you do have FAR more.

If you want you can Personal message me any time, i have loads of it as i hardly leave the house so we can chat whenever if ya want.  the one good thing about this site is it does help knowing your not alone and sometimes when your in a desprate need of comfort people can be suprisingly supportive.

Take care and here's praying for some peace within our day.  Julie X

[jake774]

I also have extreme anxiety and pretty much the same symptoms as you.I also feel like the only escape I have is to sleep.Thats pretty much all I do is sleep I dont go out and do anything anymore.I also cant have a relationship and my friends think I dont like them anymore because I dont want to hang out.They simply just dont understand when I try to explain it.Im also on the brink of quitting my job because It takes everything I have to get up and go Im late almost everyday and how do you explain this to your boss,you cant.I just wanted to let you know your not alone and Im happy I have found people on here like me because for awhile I felt like i was going insane and would eventually end up in a padded room for the rest of my life.Oh and one more thing even though I have some of the worst symptoms of anxiety  I have been able to overcome the panicking.Even though it will scare you the first time the next time you have a real bad one and you can see your shirt moving because your hearts beating so dam hard give into it and tell it to do its worst and for some weird reason it actually starts to go away.I learned that from charles linden.

[GMB08]

tatoodude....it also helps knowing you are not alone!!!! i just joined this forum today,...and its good therapy..........keep talking...and know its in your head....breath deeply...in fo r8 seconds...out for 8....it helps me..i do it for like 5 minutes...also cold water on face.....

[MMahon]

The symptoms you talk about are VERY common to depression.
The anxiety and phsical symptoms are classic signs of depression.  
You should see your doctor and talk about possibly adding an antidepressant to your daily regimen.
I experienced a lot of anxiety very similiar to what you experience.  It has always been the antidepressant medication that ultimately brings it under 'control'.  Tranquilizers help too but the antidepressant is the most important.  
DON'T drink on these medications or they won't help...!

[tattoodude]

hi, and thank you for taking the time to comment! i do take 2mg of klonopin a day. ive been on it for a few months now and i dont feel like it helps much. it helps me to go to sleep and thats about it. i too have read and heard of situations of someone dying or catching an illness and it automatically starts the worrying. when i have a real bad attack, i automatically feel like im parylized. it starts with the tingling in the fingertips and toes and then my face and neck and before i know it my stomache and chest tighten up and feel like they are going to cave in. honestly every day seems like an anxiety attack, not always to the extreme but everyday i feel like im dying and there is no hope... but im still fighting

[MMahon]

I"m sorry you are experiencing what you are.  I know what it's like and the impact it has on your life.
First let me suggest that you stop drinking alcohol.  It's the absolute worst thing for anxiety.
Its a nervous system depressant and although it may seem to help, the help is short lived and as you see the anxiety comes back amplified.  In excess, it's poison to your body and mind.
Please seek professional help for your anxiety and what's causing it.  Don't wait and realize it's a physical problem that can  be treated.  You can get help for this if you focus on doing this you can accomplish great things.
Let us know how you are doing and good luck.

[GMB08]

well i too hate anxiety! i also have obsessive scary thoughts about losing my family....my health..dying...and i hate it!! i dont take any meds....i have ativan...take as needed...i think the last one i took was 2.5-3 yrs ago..and now since i have had my 2nd child.....its coming back...i dont know why...i read about a 37 year old dying from cardiac arrest..and that sets me off..i think the alcohol can make it worse...it is a depressant....do u take anything? what happens when u have an attack?