xtreme anixty over hiv, i think i hav ruined myself n my life

this may sound stupid, but i have been so paranoid about hiv. I recently took a hiv rapid test, it was a finger ***** blood rapid test. I dont know what kind of needles are used in ontario. Can those automatic i guess single used be accidentally used again? Can I get infected this way? . Please help me I went there to get peace of mind now i am even more worried are there any risks? can the applicator be infected?what kind of needles that are used??is there a possible by mistake a nurse used an old needle (it was in blue or green color). if an old one was used what are the chances of getting hiv??Everything was prepared when i got there i cant go again sleeples nights for another 3 months i cant take this fear ..also my test was negative and i was told i had a v v v low risk, it was un protected oral...
then again went for another rapid hiv test after 8 weeks of my exposure low risk ( oral receiving sex). it cam back non reactive..this time i went to a different clinic, the nurse opened the testing kit in front of me. my question is the needle that came out of the kit, which was used on me was a different kind of needle that was used on my 2 weeks ago…this time the needle was thin and in green colour, and the last time that was used it was in blue colour and bigger. also as i remember in last test the needle was not in the box the nurse had it separate. i asked my nurse yesterday, she said she don't know what kind of needles the other clinic uses..don't wana go back there and ask them, i m afraid they might freak out on me.. i m so worried, its just that after 2 week of the test i m starting to develop symptoms, now i m also developing a rash on my leg.

now i know i didnt catch hiv from the exposure but i m started to think i migh hav gotten it while doing a test....i m so reuined. i cant sleep, cant eat, cant do anything....
i m desperate for some help plzz

[coooldude]

does anyone has any thoughts,,plzz

[Kitkat05]

First, stressing isn't going to help. So breathe. Be happy the tests came back negative. Also know that different needles are used for different reasons. Sometimes it is because that is the only type of needle they have, or that is what some one told the person to use, and it can vary. There is no meaning behind it, good or bad. Different colors just mean different things for the lab. It could be the labs have a different coloring system. There is, I guess, a rare chance needles could not be sterilized or used again, but this is RARE. There isn't anything for you to stress about. I don't see anything weird about what you went through. So don't worry. Just find peace in the fact your tests came back negative.

[coooldude]

thanks for the reply.
i know i m relieved but i hav hiv fobia, i can't think anything else except this, i can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't work. i can't do anything except always checking my weight, temperature, glands,,etc…even if i get a little cough i m thinking hiv. i hav tried not to think about it bt i can't help it….
first i was worried about my exposure, now that part is done, now i m worried about my test, maybe i got infected while doing an hiv test, and i can't get over it….
WHAT SHOULD I DO???

[coooldude]

what kind of medicine i can take?????is there any over the counter anti anixty available

[coooldude]

can someone help plzz

[cj29]

Health anxiety can be very overwhelming in my experience.  No matter how it is manifested, it is initally scary and confusing in my experience.  I believe the best course of action is to go get counseling for your anxiety.  For me, my initial experience dealt with heart health issues and for months, I thought something was wrong and was worried sick despite assurances from family, friends, and doctors that I was okay.  

Have you had anxiety issues in the past?  Do you have access to counseling?  Also, don't get down on yourself for this fear...it is in no waysdumb or wrong to worry.  This is just a challenge and anxiety is something that millions of people have successfully dealt with...keep us posted and feel free to email me as well!  

[coooldude]

thank cj29. no i never had anixty issues and i m not taking any councling. few months ago i took some anti anixty and they helped. but i m back to the same situation even worst.....

what can i do to change my self......

[Felecia37]

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for about 10 years now and I have tried a lot of meds for it, paxcil, Prozac,zoloft,wellbutrin,celexa,lexapro and trazadone. None of these worked and some made it worse so I gave up on the doctors. One night I had been up from 10 pm to 3am with panic and I got so desperate I downed a bid dose of benadryl and to my amazement it worked. I have been using it ever since and it works wonders for my anxiety. It is safer than any drugs the doctor was giving me. I hope it might work for you. Let me know if it helps you too.