I am 31 years old and was diagnosed with RA about 5 months ago. I had the symptoms for nearly a year before I got tested for it. It's somewhat controlled, but I am also an opiate addict. I haven't abused opiates in over a year now, but it makes for controlling the pain a lot more difficult obviously. I have tried NSAIDs and what pain they do relieve, well, I just push through the rest of it. I've had 6 surgeries on my ankle/leg that I injured nearly 11 years ago, I have 2 slipped discs in my back, had my gallbladder removed and also have bursitis in my hips...Yep, I'm a mess at the old age of 31..lol..But I push through it, I'm a fighter. I also have a son who will be 3 in May. He's the reason I get up and get moving. Without him I'd probably just lay in bed all day.
So here's my current problem: my husband. We've been together over 10 years now, but he is so unsupportive of my dealing with the pain. I don't sit around and complain all day. I am in pain most days, almost all day long, because of how much I have to do. And don't get me wrong, he treats me great otherwise, but he's being so very selfish right now with all this. Just as an example, he always says (when I bring up the pain of my RA), "well, how do you think it is, living with someone with pain ALL the time??!!?". Of course those are fighting words. Ladies, you all know (and men, you cannot deny lol) that when men get even a cold (and they are otherwise healthy) they are big ole babies! But I've been through SOOOO much and I never complain until I'm basically in tears over the pain. In other words, you know I'm in severe pain when I actually say something about it. Otherwise, I wear the happy mask. I fake it. I don't want to burden others with my problems or pain or complaints.
I just wanted any advice, because it's like talking to a brick wall. I always tell him this will never go away, and most likely will get worse over time. But he has not one iota of sympathy for me. He complains once he's done for the day and I am still going, looking at him with resentment, wishing that I wouldn't have to ASK him to walk the dog...instead I look at him with the evil eye as I get up and gear up to take the dog out in the cold even though I've already had a horribly busy and painful day. I just don't know what to say to make him understand how bad this hurts, and how it breaks my heart to not have his support. It just breaks my heart. Thanks all,
Alison
I had RA when my husband married me. He thought he knew what he was getting into and for the most part it works out well with us. But he's not perfect and the frustration does sometimes come out.
It sounds like you both could benefit from a few sessions of counseling. Ask for a referral to a therapist who specializes in couples going through chronic disease. Playing the martyr never, never works because men just don't hear those unspoken messages we're trying to send!
In the meantime. look up an essay called "The Spoon Theory" on the web. It was written by a women suffering from lupus, but her essay applies to anyone with a related autoimmune disease like RA, AS, fibro, etc. Print out the essay and hand it to your husband to read.
Good luck!