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Maybe the over so wise Peek can help me undertand this....
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Possibly only the product of an acute illness with fever, Ask Peekawho is a group for people who want answers--not necessarily the RIGHT answer, but it will be an answer. Answers are heavily slanted towards the negative, glass is half empty type of answer, because that's just how Peekawho rolls.

Founded by peekawho on October 11, 2009
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Maybe the over so wise Peek can help me undertand this....

Whats the deal with people who say that they "dont want" to get pregnant and then ..... use half-Assed methods  to  "prevent" pregnancy but claim they wouldnt actually mind if they did get pregnant and then obsessively test for pregnancy month after month after month?

If someone wants to get pregnant why not just go all out and try?  I just dont understand this whole "not wanting" but "its ok if it happens" thing....
18 Comments
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172023_tn?1334675884
Its because

#1--They can't afford to have a child
#2--They really want one.

An "accidental baby", that you then decide to keep and raise, seems so much more fun than saying you are being responsible and only deciding to have a baby when you are physically, financially, and emotionally ready to have one.

That's all I can come up with.  If you don't "want" to get pregnant, someone would be on an effective method of birth control that they would OBSESSIVELY use correctly, every day.

*scratches head thoughtfully*
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134578_tn?1404951303
There is also a lot of ambivalence surrounding the decision to have (and time) a baby.  I was absolutely terrified of ruining the idyllic life of my son by having another child, until it became more or less clear that we weren't going to succeed, then I cried and raged that we couldn't try again.  I could see a (normally fertile) woman being prey to such conflicting feelings at a subconscious level, and sabotaging birth-control efforts so she could try again but not really admitting it consciously.  There's also the classic "wife wants it / husband doesn't want it" conundrum, more easily solved by "accidentally" getting pregnant because "birth control failed" than by arguing.  And let's not forget that favorite from the 1950s, getting pregnant so your boyfriend will marry you.  We still see that one on this site.

Peek's right that if someone doesn't want to get pregnant, she will take care of it.  My sis had her tubes tied when she was 23.  No doubts there.
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483733_tn?1326802046
When I was young and stupid I got married at 21.  We agreed to wait 2 years to have babies.  However, once married I went off the pill and switched to the diaphragm since if I did get pregnant it wouldn't be such an issue.  Again, being young, stupid, we did not consistenly utilize said diaphragm and I became pregnant within 2 months of the wedding.  Then husband was in shock.  The stress of the wedding triggered the start of ulcerative colitis and because I had xrays, etc. and didn't know I was pregnant I ended up losing the baby at 4 months.  There are risks in not planning to get pregnant but not being careful situation.  Luckily we realized we wanted one and 2 months later I was pregnant with my son.  
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171768_tn?1324233699
an addendum to your question...

What's up with the "Am I pregnant? We've been trying and I really hope I'm pregnant, but I can't afford a test right now... " questions.

Seriously?
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172023_tn?1334675884
That question makes me want to slit my throat.  Seriously.
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270405_tn?1293039221
Oh, I just read one of those posts about not being able to afford a test.  If they can't afford a test, then what the heck are they going to do once the baby is here?!

I have a hard time reading the posts from women who are so obsessed with getting pregnant but then once pregnant, all they do is complain about how miserable they are.  Especially if its their 2nd pregnancy...its not like they didn't know going into it what was going to happen!
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171768_tn?1324233699
I also get very frustrated by people who want their babies to come early. Don't they realize the potential complications?? DD was born at 36 weeks, and while she could breathe fine and went home with me, we struggled for months with feeding issues. This time around, on the Aug 09 forum, i felt like i was the only one who prayed for her baby to NOT come early.
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93532_tn?1349374050
Amen.

Or complain about every aspect of being a mother.

Or demand their OB risk their license and or professional reputation to fulfill their demands.

Or consistently endanger their baby because "mother knows best" or "If mommy isn't happy, nobody is happy." What selfish drivel.

The list goes on and on.
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145992_tn?1341348674
So I can't complain about Jayden anymore?.....lol.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well if they really want one, why not try?  If the other half doesnt want one but the women does, then something is very, very, very, wrong in that situation.

Tired, Houseofgirls, and Andi - ohhhh, those are just the worst posts.   Of course, I know of at least one poster that complained the entire time throughout her pregnancy (over the most mundane things), begged to be induced, had baby and now claims she doesnt want to get pregnant but doesnt use BC but would be happy if she did get pregnant and tests obsessively.  Hmmmmmmmmm. wtf?
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172023_tn?1334675884
And then they gripe that they can't sleep b/c of the baby crying all night long.
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93532_tn?1349374050
My fav are the ones who ***** about their birth control and how miserable they are thus they have no choice but to go off of it only to get pregnant. Seems to me they wanted to get pg but needed to trump up an excuse to their husbands blaming their BC. Or perhaps justifying poor decisions by taking the blame off of themselves.

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Avatar_f_tn
Andi, that is EXACTLY what happened with one poster I was referring to in my last post on this thread - she also claims to be allergic to condoms.  She and her BF routinely have sex around her ovulation time (which she tracks) but they are "trying to prevent pregnancy" by using the "pull out" method.  Brilliant!
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270405_tn?1293039221
I don't understand why people are crossing their fingers that someone gets a BFP, sending all kinds of sticky baby dust, but that person can't afford the hpt?!  Every time I see a post like that, I secretly hope its a BFN...

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212720_tn?1304379015
I hate the posts where the girl has had multiple partners and want us to guess which one of the guys is the father.  I always want to jump on their thread and tell them to keep their friggin' legs closed.
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800427_tn?1324949319
those are also my favorite and have seemed to all of a sudden be 'all the rage"....when i first joined the forum i do not remember there being that many of those questions now its like everyday.
i hate how they at first blame it on their current husbands by saying they were bored and lonely and then once they find out theyre pregnant they are hoping and praying its their husbands so they dont get the boot...but there was absolutley nothing wrong with them cheating in the first place but god forbid if they actually got pregnant by this other guy! and why the heck werent they using protection?! they obviously dont want a baby with their "boring husband" do they?
im like seriously people....call Maury we cant help you!
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800427_tn?1324949319
i also hate how on the pregnancy forum people come on thinking all of us who are pregnant or who have been pregnant suddenly think we "know all" just because we're pregnant does not mean that we attomatically know that a certain type of breast tenderness automatically means your pregnant! like OMG your nipples tingle??? yes YES you are deffinitly preggo dont even take a test congrats!!! like wtf how do we know?
dont even get me started on the 14 year old girls fooling around with their clothes off and or trying to conceive...when i was 14 i had just gotten used to the idea of putting a tampon in...not a penis!
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Avatar_f_tn
"when i was 14 i had just gotten used to the idea of putting a tampon in...not a penis! "

omg sunkissed that was freaking hilarious!!  yes another site i visit is full of young girls who have been trying secretly to get pg but cant afford the test, they hope its twins, and will cut down smoking to a half a pack because their dr said it was safer for the baby than quitting!   sorry long winded but i couldnt help myself.

a friend of my sis' is divorced with a dd that is maybe 10 and twin 5yr old boys.  she is dating a guy but not sure if she wants to marry him.  she just found out she is pg.  i told my sis that i cant figure out why she let herself get knocked up and my sis said "accidents happen">  ok sure but i can probably bet its 90% just stupidly doing it and worrying about it later.  
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