I was finally at a lost what to do for my 7 year old,and starting researching once again,his behavioral problems.
Last night was a bad destructive night,until I ran across some post on this website from people with children who have Asperger's,I could have written many of your post
My son was diagnosed at age 4 with ADHD,we did finally put him on Adderall last year,with some improvement
It just was hard for me to believe, as he was not hyper
I could start a list of symptoms,and he has ever single one
He is very large for his age,125 pounds,does not eat tons of junk,but has no desire to play other than sit,and build lego's and games,which I do put a time limit on
He has never had a friend over,been to a party or friends,not that he is not likeable he is,he has always just been different than the other kids
He has bad allergies,and severe skin allergies,very picky about clothing
He has bad sinus problems,and has had tubes in his ears at 10 months,and adnoids and tonsils removed at 6
He does very poorly in school,but terrific in Math
He is very clumsy,to the point,when we go hiking I litterlly follow on his tail so I can catch him if he falls
I cannot tell you how many times I cry because his brother and sister have friends and he has none
He is not a huggy loving boy,and I shower tons of love on him,just so he knows I love him,hoping he returns it
After reading all these posts,I know I need to talk to his Dr.,he has a appt. next week,
If he does have Asperger's it would finally be a answer to our problem,I have taken him to so many Dr.'s,and researched and read books,and this morning I feel I may have found my answer
He has never had a IEP,but I do have conferences tonight and I will mention it
I am sorry to ramble and I pray and feel for all you wonderful parents out there trying to do the best for your children,I have always felt so alone in this,I keep alot from my husband on our son,as I do not want to add any extra
Thanks and God Bless
i started to post here yesterday, but i lost the courage
a couple of things came to mind when you were talking about your son
the weight...does he take asthama medication? pulmicord, allegry meds, or and inhaler?
can you enroll him in sports? we had to go through several sports before finding a few that my son likes, i also took to track and cheerleading
people with aspergers can participate in organized sports, but ofter we are told by behavior specialist, that we should not put our children in sports
if your experience is anything like mine, some sports will just not work, basketball was a nightmare!!! but swim team was a great fit
i also take my children on a 30 min. walk everyday, in the summer we do this twice a day
i am over wieght from chemo and asthma meds, but i still drag my big butt to the gym, and the kids go into a jump zone, where they jump on large inflatable ballon type things and can look out at the entire gym, hopeful they will join a gym when they are older
we try to keep sugar snacks out of the house, but every friday we hit tcby
AS far as the feeling all alone and iep goes, i know how stressfull this is, i spent many years dealing with public school iep, this year i have decided to homeschool my aspie kid, and i have 2 other children that are in public school, i have talked to my husband and we are going to put my youngest son(6) in private school, our daughter will stay in public school (she is a/b student, drama club, plays violen for the band) and she is already 16, now i was not prepared to homeschool, but the only school that will take my aspie kid (9) is $23,000 a year and only goes up to 8th grade, so i am doing what i need to do in our situation, everyones is a little different, but i do not feel alone in this, i have found a parent support group, some homeschool, others battle it out with the school district, but having a group of parents who have special needs children has really helped me find resources and make descions, our program is called Childrens Developmental Center, but try to find some support in your area, you will need it once the iep's start
never appoligize for rambling, most people on here have children with aspergers, or what they think is aspergers, psy. diagnoses are not an exact science, so i always say i may have aspergers or i think my son may have aspergers, because most of the aspie symtoms,, honestly i have outgrown and now i am watching my son do the same, but its not natural like outgrowing your shoes, it takes a bit of work
There are things that are more suitable for children with a diagnosis of Aspergers. They usually have difficulties with team games because of the physical contact, sometimes balance and co-ordination problems, sequencing and planning skills (if you are trying to score a goal) etc. Things I have heard that have worked with other kids are things like swimming, trampolining, walking, martial arts, rock climbing, fishing. Try to build on anything he shows an interest in.
Don't worry too much about 'limiting' things he likes. Children on the spectrum usually have increased interest and focus in the things they like and no interest, attention or focus on anything else (which are sometimes the things we want them to be interested in or paying attention to!).
Difficulties with social interaction are common and a Speech and Language Therapist should assess him for any language difficulties or language processing problems. They should also put together a social communication programme eg. he may need to learn how to hold a two way conversation. For example, my son who is 7 is able to talk about something he is interested in, but he cannot talk and monitor whether the person he is talking to is interested in what he is saying. He would also find it impossible to listen to the other person talk about something he wasn't interested in and would probably walk away or tell them to shut up.
If you think your son has Aspergers then you can ask your doctor to refer him to a multi-disciplinary team that has experience of diagnosing children on the autistic spectrum. If your son is not hyper then surely that rules out ADHD. He may have ADD, or the attention, focus and impulsivity and being unable to predict outcomes may be down to autism as opposed to ADD. But it is quite common to have aspects of both conditions.
My son is also very passive and would happily spend most of the day watching TV and building lego models.
There is alot that can be done to improve their skills and they are intelligent and can learn how to do things appropriately. But they may always have to 'think it out' rather than it coming automatically and naturally as it does to some of us.
It is very important that he has the right kind of help and support at school especially around social situations and friendships. It is all too easy for these children to be bullied or picked on. Some don't even realise they are being bullied. Others do but have no idea what to do about it or how to tell anyone they are unhappy.
You mention a number of sensory difficulties eg. picky with clothing. He may be tactile sensitive and needs tags removing from clothes. Materials have to be soft and not scratchy. He may have difficulties with socks and shoes, or problems with having his hair/nails cut or brushed.
Problems with balance can be down to the sense of balance and co-ordination. An Occupational Therapist should assess him for these difficulties. He may also have difficulties with writing.
Try not to be so upset about how he is. You are crying for the life you wanted him to have. Friendships are possible for him to have, but they may not be as you would interpret them. But he needs to learn social skills and he needs to be allowed to structure his own social life around what interests and motivates him.
My son has/had slot of these problems too. If his skin is itching and he is overweight - look for gluten intolerance (1/3 are overweight because body is compensating). My son is having weight problems - very common in Aspie kids.
We all did the crying thing - there are still days I worry what will become of him if he doesn't learn that the world isn't going to accomodate his timetable. But he is more compliant now.
Parents do different things. We successfully fought the school district and he goes to a school designed to handle the quirky kids in the world. He didn't even get an IEP until June of third grade. Hr has made friends there - but again - it is not what you and I would consider normal- but who cares? They play video games, go swimming, movies... No sports though. It is hard for him to watch his sisters fence - but honestly I don't think giving him a sword is a great idea.
I always wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I am a strong believer in theraputic schools now ( many people are under the impression that Sam must be worse than their kid is because we go to one). But we mostly went because he was unhappy. I can't change who he is - but at least we could limit the pain it caused him.
Thank You so much for all your comments,He has a Dr. appt. Tuesday and I will talk to his Doctor,I did go to his conference Weds.,and I asked his teacher what she thought,and she said she had thought this also before I even brought it up,but she said if so he is on highly functional end of the spectrum
He accidentally peed all over his shorts and clothes at school,he is very large,and the toilets are small so when he was standing up to pee,he got his clothes soaked,well the boys were making fun of him,the office would not let him call me to bring clothes,not sure why they call almost every other day for other little things,because he is so big,they gave him a shirt that came half way up his stomach,and a adult size pair of pants,that were dragging the ground and falling down,with no underwear,My heart just broke,I was so angry,but I calmed down and called the school counselor which I am in contact with weekly,as she brings him in weekly to discuss feelings and such and she was not aware this happened
Our school is very clicky,and my son is different than most,and I feel he is ousted alot
Oh my Sally44 my son will sit and build legos all day and night,with the tv going,have no interest in playing outside
The talking about his interests, and not being interested in others is dead on,he loves Yugioh and pokemon cards,and that is all he talks about to anyone new he meets,it is a one way conversation
The sports thing is out,because he is very,very off balance,I wait for his bus up at the driveway every day to make sure he does not fall walking down the drive,which has happened many times
My heart breaks because kids are mean and he does not even realize they are being mean to him
I know this sounds stupid,but in a way I hope it is this,because I feel I will finally have a answer and get him the help he needs,please do not take this the wrong way by saying that
No one of us ever wanted our child to be different and struggle,but I feel if this is Gods way he must have figured parents like us,have the love and compassion to handle it more than others,I never thought "why me",I just feel "why not me"
My husband on the other hand is taking it alot different,I have kept many things from him,as he tends to get more frustrated with him as me
When I did mention the asperger thing and showed him websites with the symptoms he got very upset,and said I always try to find anything I can wrong with him,what he does not see,is I am not trying to find things wrong,I am just trying to get him help,and I am grasping at anything that might help,if I do not who else will?
I do not want to look back in life and being reading about my son in the paper and think what did I do wrong,when I can do right today
I thank you so very much for all your advice and thoughts
As he is having so many problems with balance etc I think you should go to your doctors and ask for a referal to an Occupational Therapist.
Go and ask for a multi disciplinary evaluation of your son by professionals experienced in diagnosing Aspergers and Autistic Spectrum Disorders.
I would also recommend getting in touch with something like the Autistic Society of Amercia to find a local parent support group.
Through them, and through your local educational department you can find out all the local schools that have children with Aspergers. A local parent support group should be able to tell you where they are sending their children. You tend to find that there are a couple of schools that have alot of experience and expertise in autism and everyone is trying to get their kids in there.
If you are happy with the school he is at presently, then that is okay. But if you find that they just don't understand what his difficulties are, and they have no support structures in place, then I would got and visit every other school asking them questions about how they meet the needs of children with Aspergers. You will find a school that you feel comfortable and confident with.
My son spent three years in a Church School and I waited and pushed for them to put supports in place and to understand what my son's difficulties are. They didn't even come close and after three years I felt I just couldn't wait any longer. My son is bright but is still unable to read or write.
He is now at another mainstream school, but from day one they understand everything I say to them. If he gets upset they take him into another room for 5-10 mins to calm down and then he goes back into class. They have dinner time clubs such as lego, computers, play doh etc that he can go to. They have a social communication class that they will entrol him on to teach him how to make and keep friends. I just feel so postive about his new school and when I need to speak to the staff about him I don't feel that they are defensive about the school or its staff. They just listen to what I say, understand and 'believe' me, and then just do something about it that is helpful. For example he now has some visual cards clipped onto his clothes so that if he is upset, needs the toilet, wants to play etc he can go up to an adult and show them the card rather than have to try to use language to do that. I know that those with Aspergers usually have really good language skills, but my son does tend to lose his ability to speak when he is under pressure, and these cards have really helped.
Regarding your husband. Just let him do what he is good at with your son. My husband tends to do all the 'normal' family stuff and I do all the paperwork, therapies, school stuff.
However any child is, there are no guarantees about the future. We could just as easily have a 'typical' child that grew up and was dependent on drugs. Just because our children are different doesn't mean they don't have potential, they do. And you will be proud of their achievements, and although we do worry about certain things, we may never have to worry about other aspects of 'normal' teenager behaviour. For example they are very unlikely to join any kind of gang, or get involved in unsocial or illegal activites etc.
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