Hello, I have just been diagnosed with Asperger's this year:
I feel really nervous around even my own family due to my social anxiety/phobia from Aspergers, however, I get along great with my mom. I don't understand why I feel that way, it just seems like no matter who I'm around, I can never feel "right", like I belong there. I hate that feeling. :(
During my childhood, when I was going to Elementary school up to high school, I was bullied pretty much every single day. That didn't help anything at all, and if anything, it made me more nervous being around others. I HATED SCHOOL, because of being bullied. :(
I could go on and on about how bad I felt during my childhood years, but probably no one wants to hear it so, I'm just going to shut up now. I still feel bad, even at 19. :(
Everyday, I wish I could go around and talk/interact with others like every other "normal" person does, without feeling "socially awkward" but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I hate that feeling!!!! :(
I'm looking to help/support, that's why I joined this page. If anyone could give me any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks! :)
Hi, I am by no means a expert on this subject but I read you story and I am new to this page also. My son is 14 and we found out this year a few months ago that he has aspergers. I am taking him to counseling who is going to help us teach him the social skills he will need. He loves school as far at the learning goes but beyond that I am sure he hates it, he gets bullied all the time too and that hurts me too. I have tried to help him learn how to stand up for himself but that is so hard for him to do. He does not want to be mean and just lets them do it to him. He likes to be alone a lot of times and then loves to talk and talk about his favoirte subjects. Is that some of the things you do? He always tells me he does not care what people think of him, but he is human and some of the bullying has to hurt. Maybe I can get him on here to talk with you. After reading some of the other things on here I heard a few people that had aspergers say that it helps to talk with someone else that is an aspie. I will see what I can do to have my son talk with you.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers about one year and a half ago. I know the feeling of never feeling right and as if I don't belong very, very well.
When I was first diagnosed I was shocked. I felt even more wrong and weird than before.
After some weeks I realized that being diagnosed doesn't change who I am and what I have achieved.
It means that when I do not fully understand what people are on and on about or when I find people are behaving strange or give me odd looks, it doesn't have to upset me. I'm different and it's OK. Let others be who they want to be, let them think about me what they want, I will always find them just as weird, but also utterly unimportant! :-) For me realizing this was major and made life much, much easier. We do not have to feel inferior. (We're also not better of course.)
Some people will take more time and be more careful and take you as you are. Those people are the only once worth caring about.
Social phobia? I guess, I can relate, I felt frightened around people after being bullied in school for years. I felt worthless and most likely intimidated a lot. Maybe this helps you: Look at other peoples life's when they make you feel afraid. Are they happy? What are they dealing with day to day? Most people will have problems of some sort and mostly they are all so involved with their own life's, they don't even see or notice that you are different or frightened or shy or even that you are sometimes more awkward than others.
Once I started working, how I was treated was totally different. Yes, I hated school same as you do, but I can say it does get better.
About being socially awkward - the older you get the more situations you come across, the more you learn, the easier it gets. Does the feeling go away? I don't know, but it does get better.
Trying to fit in every day is sometimes hard work, I try to keep in mind that others are not out to get me (a feeling I often had as a child and during my twenties). I try to consider other peoples views and situations.
Altogether, I believe for us Aspies life gets better the more experienced
All the best, hope this helps,
You are reaching out to learn, that is terrific! My oldest started with Medhelp several years ago and it became her way of learning more about socialization and the dynamics of relationships. She was hurt often & would call me. At that time I was under my first name, MJthewritermom. It was a long journey for her but now she has improved dramatically.
It is like being an alien where you have to learn about a culture. You learn to practice, albeit awkwardly what you learn. Processing and integration take time, but don't run away. Learn about safe people and unsafe. There is more than I can write here but it is exciting you are willing to explore just what this means and will be important for you to make your way through life.
First of all, don't try to be so-called normal. If you do, you will drive yourself crazy...lol! Also, please don't be afraid to ask lots of questions. Accept your unique way of seeing things as you have no idea how you are teaching things others never thought of.
I say hooray for Aspies. Being an older one, I can tell you that I totally agree with the poster above who said the older you get, the more you experience, the more you learn, the easier it gets. That is true. It doesn't mean YOU are any different; it means what you understand, what you tolerate, and what you find acceptable in life will, over time, become less extreme, more understood, more tolerable. As a child I had all the typical sensitivities and I was not just socially inept, I was anti-social. Now I am an adult with a government security clearance, a few professions under my belt, three wonderful children (including an Aspie) and a husband who is definitely mentally disabled somehow (joke...). I am still fussy about people have quirks and what I call "phobias" (just things I really can't stand.. not true phobias. Obese people is one of them. Sorry in advance, obese people) but I do have good friendships with people I love and vice-versa. You may not grow "out" of anything but you will grow in to things, and you will not always feel the same, and it's all good.
Once again I have to agree with BigPaws 12. I will recommend an author to you. His name is Tony Atwood. He has done a great deal of research on Asperger's and maybe he can answer some of your questions. I also read a book that is called "Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome by Liane Holliday Willey" right after I was first diagnosed which wasn't until I was 44. Can you imagine that? I went through most of my life knowing I was different.
I used to go through these uncomfortable times with people where I would just talk and say whatever came to mind to fill the space. Oh, I wish I could take back the incessant babble. You talk about social awkwardness. I think I was more aware of it than they were. I still have nightmares about it. Regular people don't stress over the things that Aspie's do. I can handle so many different things well, but there are things that just throw me for a loop even now. It is really okay though. We all need each other. We are here to help you. Just think of the Sesame Street song... One of these things is not like the others, but in a good way. We see things that other people can't. They are doomed to always think inside the box. You see, that is to always be ordinary. We are not. We are extraordinary. When you are young, it is often difficult to be something other than ordinary, but as you get older you find out that it is wonderful! You are about to find out just what that means. Let the path lead you to where your destiny lies. We will be cheering for you.
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