I’ve been searching for a self diagnosis and believe I may have found something. I’m am a 38 year old woman and a sophomore in college majoring in psychology with the hope of attaining a PhD. To cut a long story short in the past I had many symptoms of Borderline PD beginning with an alcoholic father who was emotionally unavailable, a mother who suffered post natal depression and locked me in a bedroom to protect me from my other siblings, hence the mother/child bond never developed, I also had many hospital stays with no visitors, this scenario is often seen in people with Borderline PD. Characteristics that I suffered were, black and white thinking, lack of sense of self, substance abuse, depression, idealization and sudden devaluation of others, chronic feelings of emptiness and worthlessness, inappropriate anger, fear of abandonment, distrust of others. Characteristics I did not experience are frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, impulsivity, self mutilating behavior, anxiety, feelings of victimization or manipulative behavior.
I managed to overcome many of the above through cognitive restructuring and boundary work but there was still something wrong, I had other problems not covered under Borderline PD. I recently came across Aspergers Syndrome while researching Savant Syndrome (my husband believes I am a savant with language and music abilities). I found that I could identify with many of the characteristics but not all. Those I identify with are, failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments, lack of social or emotional reciprocity, engaging in a one sided speech about a favorite topic (“active but odd”), failure to monitor interest or engagement of the listener, difficulty connecting with others since early childhood, difficulty and dislike of chit chat, restricted and repetitive interests and behavior, difficulty falling asleep, enhanced perception of small changes in patterns, sensitivity to light and touch, and possibly alexithymia. Characteristics I do not identify with are, restricted prosody and intonation, motor clumsiness, lack of emotional empathy, impaired non-verbal behaviors, stereotyped and repetitive motor behaviors, literal interpretations and miscomprehension of nuance, weakness with non-literal language such as humor, irony and teasing. A reason for this may be that my fixations are with crosswords and word games (which I often play for many hours at a time) and studying people.
Could it be that I was born with Aspergers Syndrome and this may account for the Borderline PD characteristics that I didn’t develop as I became fixated on studying people and social situations thus leading to a highly complex and vast set of behavioral guidelines for socializing. Most people see me as sociable and outgoing which I can be, but only for very short periods of time. I get lonely at times but find it too much work to maintain friendships (to the point that I begin to really dislike a person). I’d like to get some feedback and perhaps advice.
There are some essays I typed up in my attempt to explain some of my autism and there is also something that Sally started and we helped put together for parents to recognize in their children. Since this is you, you'll probably find the stuff written from autistic people talking about themselves the most helpful than the stuff wrtten for children.
I'm sure you probably know this already, but there is a genetic link to alcoholism... If one of your parents is an alcoholic, you're better off staying away from alcohol in case you too may develop that disease on top of whatever conditions you have. Autism doesn't have to be a bad thing, but alcoholism on the other hand.... that's something that is . Alcoholism can be prevented if you don't drink.
I have known a friend who exhibits similar patterns in her life , she has GAD and has now by various natural remedys overcome some of the Anxiety, for years she took varying powerful drugs ,all with side effects and horrible Withdrawal when she came off,There are many ideas out there online and in books to help change the way we think and feel about our selves, I belive cognitive Therapy can help,but it could be Anxiety so check that out first . Good Luck
I am having the (almost) same issue. I start testing for Asperger's on Friday. You haven't been here in a while. Hope you read this.
I am currently working on my bachelors degree in Sociology with a minor in Psychology. I have an AA in both areas. I am 34. My 11 year old has most recently been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. He has also been diagnosed with ODD, ADHD, Asperger's, PTSD, and I've heard "Anti-Social Personality Disorder if he was older." My 9 year old has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, ADHD, and Hypothyroidism (which affects his moods also). I am pretty sure my almost 6 year old has Asperger's and he is also being tested. I personally have been diagnosed with GAD, SAD, OCD, OCPD, ADD, and ASPD. I was put on Paxil and Buspar last week and it has helped my anxiety and irritation.
I asked a friend of mine (who I am really close to) who is also majoring is Psychology, to diagnose me. I was just curious about what she had to say. She said that she can't swear to it, but BPD could be a possiblility.
Reasons for BPD:
Risky behavior. I have 5 children with 5 different fathers (though I was in a relationship with all fathers at time of conceptions). My oldest is 14 and my youngest is 6 months. I love to gamble (I am really REALLY good at cards and stragedy games). I have done A LOT of drugs and drank since age 15. I get into relationships with abusive partners, or partners with drug/alcohol addiction. I have shop lifted and started a fire.
Depressed a lot.
I have been abused in all ways. Emotional, sexual, and physical.
I do not get along well with others (which is also in Asperger's). My longest relationship ever was my second marriage which lasted a total of 3.5 years.
I have had a bad self-image most of my life.
I love people one minute, then hate them. Usually are the people closest to me.
I have always felt rejected. By people around me and society as a whole.
Why I personally feel I have Asperger's and not BPD.
I do not self inflict harm to myself nor talk about suicide. Actually quite the opposite. I haven't shop lifted since I was around 18/19 years old. I haven't started a fire since I was a kid. I am an all around good person for the most part. Not much in the way of legal issues. I only get physical and start fights when drunk (and I no longer drink). I no longer do hard drugs. I smoke pot occasionally, smoke cigarettes, and have a love for caffeine. I have my tubes tied now. I have been single for a year and 4 months. I am comfortable with it also.
I have serious sensory issues. I avoid auditory and seek smell. I reject touch and crave salt, I also eat based on texture and smell.
I look down while walking and have my whole life. I also hate going down stairs. I don't jump or run very well. I hate walking downhill and it makes me anxious.
I have been given the label "annoying" since I was a small child. In high school I was nicknamed "Roach" because of this. I was bullied throughout my school life. From my first report card in 1st grade, all the way up to my 12th grade year, there were comments about talking and interrupting too much. I still interrupt and talk over people. I don't do it intentionally, but most people don't understand and call me "rude".
I have had the same interests (Geology, Meteorology, and the taboo) since I was a child. When introduced to Psychology in 9th grade, I fell in love and have been obsessed since. My obsession with serial killers led me to Sociology as an adult. Guess the taboo interests might have had something to do with that also. I watch The Weather Channel daily and have for a little under half my life.
I was reading on an adult level (The Lord of the Rings , The Hobbit, and The Chronicles of Narnia) at age 5. Sounded like a "little adult" as a child. I read very fast. I am great at remembering lyrics and certain numbers (SS#s, phone numbers, my driver's license number, and certain math equations.
I am very monotone usually (unless excited while talking about a subject I love) and I "sing musically" to my children often. My voice is very deep. I repeat what people say occasionally, unintentionally.
I have ate the same foods my whole life. I am very picky and order the same things when going out to eat. I hate clothing, it's very uncomfortable. I don't particularly like to be touch on. I have been dealing with showing my children more physical attention and am working hard on this one. I like most odors that others dislike.
I have a high tolerence for pain. I had my 6 year old without an epidural to see what it would feel like. I have many tattoos and have had many piercings.
I can't understand accents. Even British accents. I watched the movie Snatch a total of 4 times. Took the subtitles on the 4th try to actually understand it.
I have a problem with anxiety and I worry about everything and stupid crap. (Though my new medicine is helping with this.)
I have a problem with reading people's faces. I over exaggerate people's expressions and have actually stopped sex and started crying because of this.
I am easily irritated and don't like it when people change stuff on me. I am mainly irritated by things that upset my senses.
I don't have many friends and never have. I try to have friends but something doesn't click. I have gotten to where I don't like many people anymore. The only close friends are my 9 year old's dad and his wife. He is Bi-Polar and she has Tourette's with sensory issues. They know how I am so they can tolerate me. lol
I talk about the same things over and over. I repeat myself quite often.
I almost never tell someone no. I do things I shouldn't do because of this, like risky behavior lol. I also have a hard time lying.
I don't do chit chat. I like to talk politics, religion, science, and other things like that on a long term serious level. I also talk to myself quite often. Sometimes unintentionally.
I have problems with empathy (unless it's someone very close to me, I can hug my best friend if she's having a rough day). I smile sometimes when I hear bad news. I laugh at the wrong times. When my kids get hurt, I am more the "It's ok, you didn't die, take some deep breaths, I love you always" type of mom. Then we move on.
I have a hard time with eye contact (unless it's someone close to me, though I still do look away quite often).
I have bit my nails and cuticles since I was small.
I am very literal and skeptical. I must have proof to believe something. I don't practice any religion (though I am very knowledgable). I am very scientific in my thinking. I take things literally sometimes (I am getting better though).
I rarely move onto another activity unless what I am doing is finished. I once wrote a 12 page paper in one sitting and did very well.
I can't get things done when told verbally how to do them. I must have it written down or see it done.
I do things on a daily basis that are very repetitious. I shower the same way, do dishes and fold laundry the same way, and put things in the same places most of the time.
I am going to stop there. Please tell me what you think, I am quite curious.
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